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Am I Thinking Out Loud?

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by Saloni12, Dec 2, 2019.

  1. Saloni12

    Saloni12 New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    My mother had cancer last year and had chemotherapy and surgery. I was travelling every 15 days for that skipping classes of my son for almost 7 months. My mom was not ready to go for any treatment without me. I did everything for my mom not because they called but she was in need and suffering a lot. I do not love my mom to core but respect her and care for her.She has runied my self esteem comparing with relatives and showing me how am not good as others? Now although she admits i am intelligent etc.

    My younger brother's arranged marriage is fixed for Jan end. I stay in Pune 6 hrs and my parents and brother stay in Mumbai. My parents asked me to transfer 3-4 lkhs rs for gold shopping when we traveled to Dubai in Nov on vacation and also took 30 gm gold which i had bought some years back.I did that being elder sister. However for inviting relatives or firends she never asked me if I have any friends to be invited.My bro asked me once and I denied.

    I have problems with my in laws and hubby .. my ILS dont visit us and my hubby does not like parents visiting. my Ils have insulted me too core and asked me to go from their house as well years back.With all this my mom was telling me that they will invite ILs since they are sambandhi and was asking my opinion. I deined inviting them.My father had come to Pune for some work so he met my DH personally and invited him. Hubby said he wont come. My mom said dad was thinking of inviting but i know my mom.. she will never ask me if she did not believed it.I was very much angry with way my parents were asking to invite ILS who have ruined your daughter's life.

    I will be going to their place in Dec 21st during Christmas till new year since my son also has vacation. However they are going ahead with preparations without me. Even though they know I will be coming in Dec they went ahead with saree shopping for all ladies , suiting for gents and also ordered the suit of my brother. Inspite of me revealing that i am missing all this they cited less time and went ahead.Mom said brother was telling me to do all quickly since less time but am sure if my mom wished me to be there she would have waited.
    My mom will go ahead with jewelry shopping on 15th DEc for my SIL without me as well even though I will be going to their place next weekend and staying for almost 12 days. I dont know how 1 week will make a difference to jewelry shopping.

    On my SIl's side, her sister is coming in last week of dec from US and they are waiting for all her shopping etc till she comes and my parents cannot wait for me.

    I feel so left out and used only when ill and not when some good things are happening. They wanted money so asked me, my presence during my mom's illness and called me but cannot wait for me to join them in all preparations.

    Am I thinking out loud?
     
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  2. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    So sorry to hear what you are going through. Just let it go. Honestly. Some moms treat sons and daughters differently. It’s not good. Don’t let these interrupt your relationship with your new sil. Do not ever gossip with your mom about her. Be a good sil to your new relationship. Your mom will change for sure, give some time. Until then be strong, don’t expect. Don’t show you are offended by your moms behaviour. Such moms will learn lesson in a hard way. Just let it go. Be a guest. Enjoy the function. Gift your brother and sil.
     
    hermitcrab and KashmirFlower like this.
  3. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Does your brother work ? Why does your family need so much money for your brother's wedding. Is your husband aware of this transaction ? If you are upset just let your mom know . Considering she is sick she might be doing shopping for logistics reasons. Don't worry about girl's side preparation. Every family will be different.
     
  4. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Why do you need to give money for your brother wedding. Either he or your parents are supposed to do this.Does your husband know this??
    Your parents and your brother don't seem to respect you.
    Dont expect much from them moving forward.
    Just attend the wedding wholeheartedly.
    As for inviting ur inlaws, parents may be doing that for the sake of society
     
    KashmirFlower likes this.
  5. Topaz49

    Topaz49 Gold IL'ite

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    Especially, when you have problems with your hubby.
     
  6. Saloni12

    Saloni12 New IL'ite

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    Yeah thanks, am ignoring things. But I was looking for emotional support from my parents especially when have issues with hubby. Anyway I am not showing anything to my mom when I talk to her. Its ok but somewhere I felt may be with new member coming in .. am I just exaggerating things and hence thought of asking the question :)
     
  7. Saloni12

    Saloni12 New IL'ite

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    I will get that money back. For now they have taken it as they did not want to break their investment and had cash in my account.
    Earlier some years back when I was in mess mom gave me 8 lks for buying a property.

    I feel bad for not giving money but they could ask for it but not waiting for me to come and then do shopping.
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2019
    Sunshine04 likes this.
  8. Saloni12

    Saloni12 New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    My husband does not know. His finances and mine are different. He does not share his earning / expenses with me.

    He is not even going to come for wedding even if my dad came and invited him. Sometimes I feel nobody respects me :( . I cant expect from husband and now not from parents /brother also.

    My mom is now wanting me to come soon for preparations. I will do my part and expect less. I dont want to get more hurt like I am from my husband's behaviour. But I am losing my peace thinking will be all alone after some months.
     
    Sunshine04 likes this.
  9. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    Why not you let mom about your thoughts and emotions? Maybe you don’t communicate well . Unless and otherwise you inform them they may not be aware of your sufferings . She is your mom nothing wrong in pouring out your heart and let her know how you feel
     
  10. Saloni12

    Saloni12 New IL'ite

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    She already had cancer last year and right now is enjoying my bro's marriage events/shopping .She takes every complain to her heart and gets hurt. Hence I dont reveal her bad things she has done to me and which has affected my life. But internally I then am not at peace. That is my biggest problem.. I let out my frustrations when alone at home talking to myself about how bad they behaved me or I have low self esteem becos of her etc. Numerous things from childhood are inside me and I cant let it out in front of anyone..

    To this right now they are behaving indifferent which makes it more worse. I fear if I tell her she will feel bad at at age of 71 I dont want her to know how her behaviour affected me. Is there any way I can free myself from these sufferings mentally and emotionally?
     

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