1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Am I the cause for delay in sister's marraige? Need advice

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sashmitaa, Mar 13, 2007.

  1. Sashmitaa

    Sashmitaa Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    288
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Hey Friends,

    I need suggestion from you guys. My mother is searching for a bridegroom for my sister for the past two years but till now no result. She is frustrated and so am I. I am also one of the main reasons for the delay of her marriage. I am the elder one in my family. Mine is a love marriage(different caste) and we got married with our parents consent. So some of the groomside people they reject my sister after they heard my case. What to do now? Whenever I call my mom she is very worried and she is telling me I am the main cause of delay of my sisters marriage which makes me so depressed. I have been married for 7 years and I cant go back to past and clear everything even though I feel I have brought down my family reputation. Now I need one thing from you friends which god I have to pray seriously (I am daily praying for her better life) to settle down my sisters marriage. Give me your valuable suggestions.

    With regards
    Lakshmi
     
    Loading...

  2. Vidya24

    Vidya24 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,654
    Likes Received:
    176
    Trophy Points:
    155
    Gender:
    Male
    Re: Need a solution

    Dear Lakshmi,

    I read your post and will definitely pray that your sister marries a good guy-who and whose family will love and cherish her. The families who reject your sister for a choice that you made- are not fit to be relatives.

    I think we had a similar discussion on which temples to pray for marriages. Sunitha,Varloo and many others had suggested solutions.
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2007
    sindmani likes this.
  3. mohanajagannathan

    mohanajagannathan New IL'ite

    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Need a solution

    Dear Lakshmi,
    I read your post.Nothing to worry about this. First of all your family members including your mom must not have the guilty feeling, even 1%.Now a days this type of marriages are very common.Another thing is how we are communicate this to the bridegroom's family.The way of communication is very important.If we feel guilty we cannot express in proper way.your mom can tell them in this way. "my elder daughter married a boy she likes" thats all. no more details initially.Be confident and pray God. things will be alright. i wll also pray God for your sister.Take care Lakshmi.Be happy.
    mohanajagannathan
     
  4. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    23,654
    Likes Received:
    27,161
    Trophy Points:
    590
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Need a solution

    Hi,

    Lakshmi,

    I can understand your problem. what you should first do, is remove the guilt . there are lot of people who are more broad minded and will certainly accept the alliance. so just relax. and in the first instance, if you feel bad for the rejection, you better mention about the situation even before responding. this way you can avoid lot of bad feelings.

    my 2 cents.

    love,
    shanthi
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 19, 2007
    sindmani likes this.
  5. radhikaraj

    radhikaraj New IL'ite

    Messages:
    19
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Need a solution

    Hi, i feel sorry for you and could understand your problem for i travel in the same boat. But the only difference is that now my parents who stood in front and did my marriage are ostracizing me. Now they say my sister is affected because of me. Recently my brother got engaged and they totally ignored me and did not invite for any rituals and shopping, gatherings and bride house visiting etc. I only went for the engagement cermony. My hubby cannot understand why they left me alone when they planned other things and in social gatherings. I cannot put down my parents before my in-laws . so i pacified my hubbby saying some silly excuses. the marriage is in the month or two. My mom does not even want me in her home. All my friends are asking why this sudden change in my parents when she stood and did my marriage. That there is no need for any grudge as if i eloped and married. Even i am puzzled why they are outcasting me. And it gives me a lot of stress. May be someone could enlight me what is going on? And why such behaviourial differences from the parents side.
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2007
  6. meenaprakash

    meenaprakash Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    941
    Likes Received:
    44
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Need a solution

    Dear Sashmitaa,

    In this era, indifference towards love marriage - very strange. there's no need to feel bad or to get upset. such people are not worth relating to so jsut ignore any negative commnets and go on with your life. Don't worry and leave it to god. marriages are something which is not in our hands. it wil happen only when it has to and nobody can have a control over that.

    love,
     
  7. Sashmitaa

    Sashmitaa Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    288
    Likes Received:
    4
    Trophy Points:
    18
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Need a solution

    Hey guys

    Thank you all of you for your consoling words. I beleive god do wonders. Let me wait for that day.

    With regards
    Lakshmi
     
  8. krishnaamma

    krishnaamma Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    10,092
    Likes Received:
    4,359
    Trophy Points:
    490
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Need a solution

    Hi Laxmi,

    First don’t worry. :) As you said you cannot change the past. We also had the same problem in our house. My brother married a Bengali girl and we could not get a boy for my sister. We struggled for two years and then we decided to write about the marriage on her JATHAGAM it self. So if any one comes after seeing that, then ok. Otherwise they will not see even ‘jathaga pourtham’. And we went to that ‘THIRUMANANCHERI’ near Mayavaram also.

    My sister got married and she is leading a good life now. I think you can do this. I hope this will help you.
     
    1 person likes this.
  9. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    8,454
    Likes Received:
    5,076
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Need a solution

    I cannot believe that even in this day and age, an intercaste marriage is seen as such a negative act. Like Vidya said, people who reject your sister on this ground are not fit to be your relatives. When the right time comes, nobody can stop your sister from marrying. So, don't lose heart and pray sincerely that God fulfills your wishes. Best of luck Sashmita. You should take a print out of all the posts from the IL'ites and show it to your mom and sister to refresh their faith in destiny and not blame anyone for letting you marry the one you loved. That was the only beautiful aspect in this whole situation.

    As for you Radhikaraj,
    I am as confused as you are as to why your mother is now treating you like an outcast. I pity her. May be she is taking her frustration out on you. You should not feel disheartened and show your support and try to be tolerant with your mother and with your family. When someone goes through difficult times, they seek outlet to rid their anxieties and right now, you might be the easy target. But this too shall pass and I am sure a right person will be there for your sister. When some peace and happiness returns, everyone will have a change of heart. In the meantime, don't get bitter and spoil relations forever with harsh words or feelings.

    I am perplexed as to how narrow minded people are to this day.
    Let's hope for better and better tomorrows.

    L, Kamla
     
  10. sunitha

    sunitha Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,610
    Likes Received:
    81
    Trophy Points:
    103
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Need a solution

    I have one question.I don't understand why a younger brother/sister cannot get married just because an older brother /sister has had an intercaste love marriage.Why are our people still so narrow-minded?Do they think that the people who did the intercaste marriage are outlaws or something or do they think that those people do not have any character because they fell in love and got married.I am asking this because mine also is one such marriage and everywhere I go,they look at me like as though I am a Martian.Some people who came for the marriage even refused to eat the feast served.
     

Share This Page