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Am I spending too much. I am unable to change. Please help me.

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by runbabyrun, Mar 13, 2014.

  1. runbabyrun

    runbabyrun Silver IL'ite

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    I have been like this from my school days. I spend a lot on clothes and other unnecessary stuff. This has been going on after marriage and a kid too.

    i will tell u a few things. Please guide me if I am spending too much or what I need to do to change this. I have never thought even once that I spend too much but dince a few days I have started feeling so but the moment I think I am spending too much, the next moment I start thinking this is the age to dress well, this is the age to enjoy life, everybody spends like me, everybody does all this so there is nothing wrong.

    ok now I shall come to some examples.

    1. During the first three years of marriage, I used to buy a lot of grocery and i used to waste a lot of stuff. For eg I always buy coriander leaves, curry leaves, methi but don't use it. Finally after a few days my husband takes it out of the fridge and trashes it. I buy vegetables that I have never eaten before, buying it in the name of preparing a new dish but finally don't use it. I buy all kinds of curry powders, and then completely forget about them, it would be lying on the shelves for years and then when I want to use it, it would have already been past the expiry date and then again trash it. Two years after my wedding, when my parents first came to the US to visit me, they one day decided to clean all the shelves and they found chips, biscuits, corn flakes, curry powders, dal packets everything lying there unused and past the expiry date. Thry disposed off everything. My dad was really unhappy with me and he said if I don't change then they wouldn't visit me again. I have changed this now. I won't say that I have completely changed but I have made sincere attempts and now I don't waste as much as I used to before.

    2. I buy a lot of things for the home. I mean unnecessary things. For eg. I bought 6 different kinds of brush to clean the sink but I am using only one. All the others are lying in my basement. Then I buy a lot of toys for my son. He doesn't even play with half of them. We have a hutch which I have loaded with expensive china sets and to say the truth, I have never used 3/4 of them. I always use only one set when guests come and when only we three are there, we use the old plates, spoons snd bowls. I bought glass trays for baking but haven't touched them yet as I still use only my non stick trays for baking. Like these there are many.

    3. My last but biggest problem that has been eating me since a few days. I do a hell lot of shopping on clothes, sandals, shoes and other accessories for myself and my son. My son is not even 2 and within the last four months I bought him 9 pairs of branded shoes and he already lost one and three of them don't fit him already. I have a friend who has a boutique(started it in November), she also sells terracotta jewellery and avon products too. From the time she started all these, she is at my home all the time either to take measurements or deliver the products or to give me the catalogue(she calls me each time she gets a new catalogue). Once I get the catalogue I spend the whole day looking at the salwars and sarees in the book, then in a dilemma to select the clothes and then ordering. Finally half a month goes off like this and by the time I receive the products, she comes with next catalogue(please note that I am not blaming my friend here because she comes with the catalogue only because she knows I ll buy, only the first month she forced me to buy something as she just started it but later she never did that). From November to feb 28, I have done shopping for 3100 dollars. Apart from that I bought avon products for 200 and terracotta jewellery for 130 dollars. I recently only noticed that none of my other friends spend so much money on clothes and they also started scolding me for wasting money on clothes and accessories. When I spoke to all my other friends, I thought I am the only fool among them. I waste my husbands hard earned money on buying clothes and unnecessary stuff. And then I decided that I am no more going to shop for the next one year. But this afternoon my friend came home with the catalogue and I am tempted to choose something from it.

    Please help me. Am I spending too much. Is spending 3000+ dollars on clothes a year reasonable or too much. If it is too much, please please help me change this habit of mine.

    i would also like to know if there is anybody else like me :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2014
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  2. ramyav_cse

    ramyav_cse Gold IL'ite

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    First 2, I do too....and many a times my husband is scolding me for that... I hv a weekness for tupperware boxes too...so have a bunch of them lying around at home unused...point 3, I dont spend as much as you do but I end up buying atleast 1 new pair a month...ofcourse in my first 3 yrs in this country, I wasnt working and I had hardly bought anything for myself in this time...Ive only been doing this in the last 2 yrs since Im working and I need new clothes and most of all, my size has changed and I need new stuff...for clothing, I think Im pretty sensible...and for the home/kitchen/toys, I find it difficult to control :(
     
  3. runbabyrun

    runbabyrun Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you Ramya but the sad part is that I am not working and on H4 Visa :-(
     
  4. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    Planning. Planning is the key for all this. Before grocery shop look at your cupboards and make a list of what is over. Plan the next few meals and only buy what is on your list. Dont do one month worth of shopping every week. Secondly while shopping dont keep flinging items into your basket thinking I must try this, I must try making that also one after the other. Keep a limit or a budget. Decide you will make one new dish every week or every month and then just before that day, buy all the fresh supplies needed for that dish, go home and make it. For the clothes, toys and terracotta shopping, decide a budget or limit for how much you will buy. 1 or 2 dresses, 1 or 2 toys, 1 pair of shoes etc. Then stick to that. How often does your friend come out with the new catalogue? From every new catalogue purchase only 1 or 2 dresses depending on your budget.
     
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  5. runbabyrun

    runbabyrun Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the tips Sandhya. My friend comes home every month with the catalogue. I know the clothes are over priced all above 7000-15000 rupees. But everything looks so beautiful that I have bought more than 15 clothes till now. I us can't resist buying once I see the catalogue. I am so crazy about clothes. I really don't know what to do. I am upset :-( I haven't told my parents about my latest shopping thing. If I say I am sure they will blast me left right and center :-( I am not buying all these because I am so rich or can afford it. NO. I am buying it only because I am crazy about shopping stuff. :-(
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2014
  6. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    Well some retail therapy is good. We earn to live well. However, out of control spending can be dangerous. I think 3000+ dollars in 4 months is a bit much especially when the expenses are not for work clothes. That is $12,000 in clothing budget in a year for someone who does not even need to dress up and go to work.

    A lot times we tend to spend a lot on shopping to compensate for something else- sometimes just plain boredom. Why don't you channel those resources to learn something else that interest you? If you are otherwise happy and busy you may not feel the urge to compulsively shop.

    You can start by telling your friend not to bring you those catalogues. You can frankly tell her that you are cutting back. Remove temptation out of the way. Start putting those excess amount in a separate account for your son for his education etc. In the long run, it will give you way more pleasure.
     
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  7. NirmalaGoofy

    NirmalaGoofy Gold IL'ite

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    I used to spend the same except for clothes. Even now I have lot of utensils, boxes unopened. I know I spend a lot at grocery stores when compared to others. Since I stay at home, I have to justify and get these things I have reduced my impulse tremendously. My husband gets mad at me for wasting grocery but doesn't say openly because I don't go out and eat much. At one point you have to ask yourself before buying anything whether it is worth. You are already feeling bad and I am sure you will stop spending unnecessarily soon. Best of luck.
     
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Is something bothering u?I guess u are trying to FEEL GOOD by spending and buying stuff.Try to divert ur mind doing some other hobby
     
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  9. droplet

    droplet Silver IL'ite

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    Runbabyrun, I find 3000+ dollars for 3 or 4 months is on the high side.

    For your spending for kitchen items.
    this is what I do. I am also on h4, so I make a list of groceries I need for a month
    ( say between 25th and 30th of every month) buy only those things on the list.
    I take one afternoons time to check all the storage boxes and shelves with a paper and pen to check so that I don't buy anything I have in stock.

    for your clothes shopping.
    set aside a good amount of your dh salary as savings.
    Then budget your shopping every month. Stop your shopping when you reach the limit.
    Dont even buy a hanky after reaching the limit.

    above all this you need self control.
     
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  10. runbabyrun

    runbabyrun Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for the suggestions everyone. I am leading a very happy married life with my hubby and kid. No issues about anything. I have no problems at all but I have been like this since my school days. Love to spend a lot of money. I have never felt bad about it but now I have started to and want to change. As SDiva said, I think I should start saving all the mney for my son and my to be born kid. That could be one way to help me prevent spending too much.
     

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