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Am I overreacting or is my husband a jerk?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Butturcup, Sep 21, 2012.

  1. Butturcup

    Butturcup Senior IL'ite

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    Hi all, I am married for about 18 months. We had fights on and off and able to resolve issues so far...

    We live in US. We are working in different cities now. I work for a week and get a week off. In my off time I visit my husband. Last week when I was visiting him I developed viral fever. I had a very bad viral syndrome with joint pains and muscle pains with fever for one day. My husband was working at nights that time. It is a very stressful job. On the day I had fever I could barely get from the bed. I got up at 3 pm and one slice of left over pizza. My husband comes home around 11 and he leaves home at 8:20 at night for work. 2 days before I got sick I made curries for the week. As I was having bad viral syndrome I had no energy to make rice. I went back to bed after eating pizza. My husband got up at around 7:30 and I asked him to make some rice so we both can eat. He took shower and left home saying that he would eat something at work and I should order something from out side. I was very unhappy and furious with what he did. I am sick and he did not even take 5 mins of his time to do something I actually asked for. I made rice myself. I called my dad and told him what happened. He was not very sympathetic towards me. He asked me if my husband and I had a fight earlier and if we were in good terms or not etc. but he sounded as if get over it. Next day I talked to my husband I expressed my displeasure. He said he did not know I wanted to eat home food. He thought I can get pizza from outside etc etc. anyways I sucked it up and we moved on. I was still feeling weak when I came back to my work. I developed laryngitis and had difficulty in talking. My job requires me to talk to people. Yesterday it was so bad that I had a colleague act as my voice for sometime in the am as my voice was terrible and I was coughing real bad. After I came home yesterday I continued to have cough. It was so bad that I could not sleep till 3:30 in the morning. I went to work today and called in sick and waited till my replacement came. Went to ER and got X ray done. got some meds. I am on my way to recovery now.
    Yesterday was my husbands transition day to morning duties. He worked the night before and resumed new duties in the am. I did not give him a call because I am sick and also I did not want to disturb him if he was sleeping. He is expected to finish his duties by 11 am yesterday. I thought he would sleep after coming home. The night prior that is last nighduty night he called me and asked me to order pizza and chicken for him and his team to be delivered to the work place. I told him I will order. He also wanted me to leave my phone number as call back number as he was worried that he might miss his call when he was at work. I was really mad at that because my voice is terrible and I would like to give it some rest. I told him I can not do it but somehow as the account is on my name they called me and I called him and he got the pizza.

    Yesterday I did not call him thinking that I should not disturb him. I hoped he would call me. He did not call me and I was mad at him. He called me today at 8 pm. I told him briefly about my ER visit and we had a fight regarding him not calling me to find out how I was doing. He says that he did not call me because he was sleeping. He says I should have called him because I am sick, I said that as husband he should be concerned about my well being and call me when he clearly knows I was not doing good. Till day before yesterday I used to call him at 7:30 to wake him up. He used to be awake. But I anyways gave him a call to make sure he was up. We had an argument today and through out the argument I felt he was trying to make it sound it was my fault that I did not call him. I asked him if I supposed to call and advertise that I am sick?
    Anyways I hung up phone on him because I felt he is so stuck on why I did not call him rather than being sympathetic to my issues.
    Am I expecting too much here? I feel ge us being a jerk... I need a third person's opinion on this. I am not calling my dad again. He makes me feel as if I should be living on my husband's mercy... Which I know I don't have to.

    Any unbiased input would be appreciated. I would like to hear from the male members of the forum..

    BTW he never apologized!!!
     
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  2. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    Is he a 9-yr old and are you a 7-yr old? Both of you - grow up.
    Be adults.
     
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  3. venokarthi

    venokarthi Senior IL'ite

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    i too had similar fights with my hubby they never mind us when we r sick ...
    once i repeated the same to him ,only then he realized the difference and now he understands
    basically we care them a lot and expect from them a lot ....
     
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  4. letsknow

    letsknow Silver IL'ite

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    This seems to be silly fights where both of your having busy lifestyle and unable to communicate properly with each other. May be your husband lacks some empathy, and can understand you feeling bad, but this is not very bad, just try to make him understand better of your situation. Usually guys lack empathy, so they need to be clearly told / expressed how you feel.
     
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  5. BharatS

    BharatS Gold IL'ite

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    If otherwise your relationship is healthy, dont think too much about this. You expect your husband to be more caring when you are not keeping well, and you are right in thinking that. But dont make this too big an issue

    Get well soon, and then write an email/letter to your husband about how you felt bad of this episode. Surely he will understand. Sometimes, letters can create more impact and convey proper message than face to face talk.

    Good Luck
     
  6. DGcreative

    DGcreative Platinum IL'ite

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    Dont let such petty issues get in the relationship. Dont let him be such careless towards you either.
     
  7. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Both of you are new in this relationship.

    So one person's expectations are not very clear to the other.

    You both need lots of communication and time together. This time apart is also acting against you both.

    And both of you seem to be stressed out with odd work hours.
     
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  8. SriPriya123

    SriPriya123 Silver IL'ite

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    Wow! What a mean response! Why not simply suggest ways that she can grow up rather than being so judgmental...!

     
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  9. Marieantao

    Marieantao Silver IL'ite

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    Communication, that's the basis of any good relationship. In most marriages it takes time to understand what the other partner wants, and what are their expectations. With the two of you having such different working hours and being apart much of the time, it's going to be even harder to adjust. Please stop making too much of such trivial happenings. Instead, sit down like level headed adults and discuss rationally what you'll expect from each other. Don't let rational discussions end up in fights. All the very best to you both.
     
  10. anjananathan

    anjananathan Platinum IL'ite

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    u have all rights to feel bad and ur expectation is not wrong at all.. i have seen guys like ur hubby.. i guess it does not strike them at all..

    recover first and talk with him and tell him how you feel.. tell this when u both are in good mood so that he can listen and think over it.. tell him as a wife, u expect him to show love.. instead of talking in negative tone, put it positively like these are the moments u can show me love which will strengthen our bonds..
     

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