Am I Over Reacting To My New Husbands Absence?

Sani, you are absolutely justified in feeling annoyed over your husbands behavior . Why doesn't he want you living with him when you have a choice of working from home ? This does not sound right at all. No newly married couple would prefer staying away from each other. You should definitely discuss this with him. He is being highly unfair to you .

 

Dear op,
U can't do anything with these kind of guys..
I wonder why they marry... Only v gals, long for their presence and love.. Try to get back to ur mother's place during weekdays.. All these days u have been in inlaws place.. There is no point of staying with them if ur husband not there.. Take care

 

Either he doesn't want to take the financial burden of taking care of a house and you. - but this can be managed as you work too and also by looking for affordable housing, n minimal living till you guys get comfortable.

Or Does he like someone else there as the interest he is showing you esp as a newly wed seems lacking? - He seems to be very comfortable with this setup, which is weird. Mostly newly weds want to spend time together. It's abnormal for him to keep you at a distance even when you have a work from home option.

Do you by any chance get a feeling or have ever thought that he is trying to keep you at a distance to avoid consummating?

I have heard of some issues like this, but in most cases, it's the girl who doesn't want to consummate saying they are scared or health issues or some or other reason. Some does have intimacy but don't go all the way. They will prefer being in a different city or country saying work or education. N even when they meet, it will be like with the whole family or just hang around, no quality or special or romance time. They will look normal from outside but one of them will be lonely or unhappy and the other just playing it cool. This happens mostly because of some Health issues or they have some previous/ current love or some sexual trauma, it really varies. You got to check which applies for him.

Staying at your parents house makes sense as it saves you 50 mins of travel time one way.

It's not right of him to expect you to be a good bahu from day one by making you stay at in laws place, where in he chooses to still behave like a bachelor.

In case of arranged marriages, n your in laws being good people, you can speak to them.

If nothing works, since he can't help you with the stay, You do the research about the city he is staying in, house hunt, look for an affordable house online next to his office. Move in and get bare basic stuff and start from there. Say ta-dah! Let's live together now. Sometime you just goto take the lead to get what you want.

 

ya true..thats y its rightly said 'men are from mars and women are from venus'. They see it in a very different perspective. Hope you settle down quickly..

 

no.usually men want to be intimate soon after marriage.they have been waiting for this.

 

Dear you are not over reacting but some men have that mindset that work like a donkey in present for future happiness which is unsure and neglect the present happiness which is all the most requirement and as you said that you have not yet consummated but tried that part is okk because some men take time to do it as they are reluctant to open up as it is new for him and most important that is here is that their is hardly any connection between you both as you are in a long distant relationship and he seems to be like a workaholic IMO and as many have already said talk to him calmly about it how you are feeling about whole situation.
I hope you get to enjoy your few years of marriage

 

You seem to have major problems in your marriage than this long distance relationship.

Your marriage is not consummated?
Why?
It's been already 4. 5 months and you have spent times/nights in private after marriage.
Unless there are some psychological (mainly for women like fear) and /or physical reasons (for both like pain, pre ejaculation, etc) or sexual reasons (gay/asexual - which I strongly believe is not your case), a newly married healthy couple needn't to wait this long to consummate their marriage.
Given the fact that you both are educated, matured and seemingly extroverts.

Also his reasons like no spouse will be allowed in his work place seems weird.
That too when you are ready to move temporarily for now with a working option (WFH)

If things are normal between you guys, your H must encourage you to spend more time with him.
Either a vacation, honeymoon or such temporary shifting as you suggested.

Agreed if he doesn't wanna risk his job. His usual tiredness and packaging/travelling tension is also understandable.

For now.. wait..
Since he says this arrangement is temporary and for a short time.. 1-2 months.
Newly wedded bliss will last till there is another priority falls in the picture.
For your marriage which is yet to be consummated, there is time for pregnancy and child birth.
So you can wait for 1-2 months to resume it peacefully.

If moving to parents place is not harmful, you better move there peacefully.
But if that can backfire, wait.. since you are a new bride/DIL.
Because, when your H is back and ready to romance you after 1-2 month, all you need is his love. Not any silly family drama due to your decision to move to your parents place.

But if this wait is expected for a long run, you must surely confront with your H.

 

Both of you take leave for some days and go for an outing spending some days together. Slowly everything will be ok. In an arranged marriage, it takes long time to know each other. Have patience.

 

your husband can find a home for rent near the place he works in the same
Time.You can also quit your job for the time being and join him and later find another job..have you thought about it?

Also,dosent your inlaws see this as a problem?Don't they also realize?

You need to spend time with your hubby and you are not overreacting.Try to take a week off and go for a honeymoon.I hope all goes i your favor.Good luck dear