1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Am I Just Overreacting Or Is It Normal To Feel So!!!!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by saibulbul, Jul 19, 2021.

  1. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,040
    Likes Received:
    814
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Male
    Outside people can only give suggestions, the person involved is the one who has to take action, change will be slow but if you do nothing; nothing will change.
     
    saibulbul likes this.
  2. saibulbul

    saibulbul Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    35
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    This is the exact situation that I am facing. But whenever I try to explain my point of view to DH, the blame comes on me only. I don't quarrel or shout. I also don't even blame in-laws. But DH after seeing the reality also does not realise anything. Since in holidays he is spending much time with in-laws than with me, manipulation is becoming easier. Sometimes I feel that when DH is ignoring me then why not in-laws. Now a days they don't even contact me still I enquire about them regularly. Lack of respect and love in marriage is what I am facing. I was called a "Street dog who has no value in their house" by my co-sis and in reality my position is like that only.
     
    Last edited: Jul 23, 2021
  3. saibulbul

    saibulbul Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    110
    Likes Received:
    35
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Now I have decided not to have any expectations neither from DH or in-laws. My only focus will be on the future of my child to give good education and upbringing. I have lost all hopes that DH will ever understand me. For him his family is everything and I am just an outsider. So let it be.
     
    DDream and Hopikrishnan like this.
  4. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    119
    Likes Received:
    148
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Why did he marry you if his parents/bro are everything?
    I find it really strange- I feel like there is so much misogyny against wives nowadays on social media- men talking like wives are here to steal their money or something. It's the mother of his kids !
    They get married and start acting like they all are one gang and wife is anti party. My husband is good, but seen this bad attitude in many men, and even a lot on social media nowadays.
     
    Bubbles likes this.
  5. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    711
    Likes Received:
    731
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Op

    Do you have kids? If not separate now or you will suffer whole life. I am telling you from my experience. If you have child keep your finances separate and think backup plans of exit. His attitude will not change.
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,556
    Likes Received:
    3,286
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    Op, your feelings are genuine.

    I guess, your have an arranged marriage. If so, he may not be 'in love' with you. He may be loving you, but as a family member or mother of his kids. So sticking together as a family. Dont chase him or complain about lack of love. It will push him away. Read about codependency.

    For him his family is his priority. You are not there. He don't think its important to share these financial investments with you .May be due to patriarchal mindset. There is no harm in expressing your disagreement (in calm composed way ). Don't give any importance to silent treatment( don't even acknowledge it), a passive aggressive behavior to control you. If you have not contributed financially, he may be thinking that its his money and he can do whatever he wants.

    You cannot force him to love you or consider you as his top priority. You can focus on bringing more positivity, intimacy, physical relation etc.. to bring back the spark. But you alone cannot do it. But sometimes, the positive changes you had , or your self improvement can attract him.

    Don't worry about your PILs /BIL not visiting you. Its their loss. If you want to visit them , you can , for your happiness. If your husband take kids to PILs, consider it as a blessing, use it as your "me time". Do what you want. You can visit your friends, go for a walk , go to beauty parlor/spa and enjoy/pamper yourself during that time. When he find you enjoy more than he expected he may stop it. Even if he continue , why should you care. Some times, taste of the same medicine helps.

    If he is not sharing his finances, take a stand that you also don't need to. Have your own bank account and start saving for you. Don't invest in anything without your name in it. Save to your retirement plans, kids college funding etc.. But its normal to contribute to family monthly expense as you are also working. But don't allow any one to treat you badly. Do you manage your finances or give your salary to husband? If not its high time to separate it. Be firm on that . Use this event as a reason to do so. If you can earn you can manage it. Also, dont worry about bad DIL, bad wife tags , they are bad PILs and bad husband. Stand up for yourself.

    Try to find a positive aspect from every negative experience. If you like to continue in this marriage, live your life in the way you want to be. Live to the fullest. Invest time/money on becoming the best version of you. You should be your top priority.
    Lower your expectations and live your life.
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2021
    Sweetygals likes this.

Share This Page