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Am I Just Overreacting Or Is It Normal To Feel So!!!!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by saibulbul, Jul 19, 2021.

  1. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Solution to a hostage situation is simple: Call in the SWAT* team to do whatever to free the captive. However, I see that you do not see that as a hostage situation, as you go on advising the alleged hostage to adjust to the shenanigans of the hostage-taker. This is a much researched subject in psych' journals, and even has a name: The Stockholm Syndrome. How is marital "love" [entanglement] is same or different from the Stockholm Syndrome, is a thesis topic I would like to give to a grad student, and have her do a deep ponder.

    *SWAT = special weapons and tactics
     
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  2. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    I gave advice to OP because I don't think her situation is that serious. It is just a financial matter, which she can reasonably solve, as she is financially independent herself; and the financial situation of her husband doesn't seem so bad except that he trusts his brother more, that's it. There are no other serious problems as such.

    She says there is no attachment, but I guess in arranged marriage it will take time and effort to build the bond.I really didn't feel the situation is such for us to ask her to divorce her husband. In life, to make anything work, we have to put some effort, can't just give up easily and walk out of marriage.

    I do like your analysis in general, food for thought.
     
  3. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    This is the general feeling that makes exploitation of the women in married life possible, as well as so easy to do. Men with the bare essentials for survival can afford to get a chattel slave through marriage, and then go on to abuse her for life; and she won't give up on him, because she had used him to fertilize one or more of her eggs.

    I hope for a future where women would independently fertilize their eggs with online sperms from Denmark* and not depend on local losers to do it for them; and then get stuck with them for life.

    *the most exported in the world.

    Imports of Danish sperm left at risk | News | The Times.
     
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  4. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    I feel you are a woman ..probably Nonya
     
  5. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    :BangHead::roflmao:
    Focus on content... and avoid speculations.
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2021
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  6. saibulbul

    saibulbul Bronze IL'ite

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    As stated the main problem is lack of trust. One more incident, DH bought a new phone and I just casually told that I will be using it. Then again the next moment when he offered the phone, I denied saying that I don't need it right now as I already have a new phone which was gifted by him only. Then I saw the same phone in my BIL hand and when I asked my DH regarding the phone he replied that the phone is in his office quarters and that he is not using it. I knew that DH gifted the phone to his brother as BIL will never buy such an expensive phone and previously also he was using a different phone that too gifted by DH (I am not underestimating anyone). My point is if he had shared with me the truth then I had no problem with it but he chose to hide it from me. I had never objected to anything he gifts to his family still he does not trust me and hides these minor things. But still after finding truth also I never ever complained him as to why he hid this fact from me and I behaved normal. I don't know may be I am at fault somewhere as I don't live with his family and as per DH I could not become a good wife or good DIL that I am selfish woman. As per BIL and co-sis, I am home breaker and ignite fire in house (because I chose to share with DH the problems which now a days I don't do anymore for fear of being ridiculed).
    I know these are all small incidents but don't I have the right as a life partner to take decision of our lives (be it property or anything) together with him.
    It always pains me as DH has no love for me and is blindly following BIL.
    Please correct me if I am worng.
     
  7. saibulbul

    saibulbul Bronze IL'ite

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    Regarding living separately for in-laws, that was a different issue for which I had to live separately as I could not bear tantrums and body shaming of me and in-laws calling me infertile (due to conceiving late and one miscarriage) and co-sis lifting shoe to beat me. These are bitter parts of my life which I don't want to mention in detail or don't want to remember too.
     
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  8. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    @saibulbul your husband has been brainwashed by your BIL and he is manipulating your husband and taking advantage, it is going to take a lot of work on your side to make him understand how he is getting manipulated, your BIL is a cheap guy who is taking advantage of the situation and your husband is not giving priority for his family and he is not fit to be in married life all you can do is secure your future and your kids future.
     
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  9. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    What the hell is that thinking??! Don’t you have parents ?? Are you insisting him to live with your parents? If he is not able to build his own family then he should have stayed as a bachelor and dedicated his life to serve his parents and his BIL.
     
  10. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    All true. But in situations like this we have no idea what sort of bargaining position the woman is in within the household. Hundreds of thousands tolerate some chronic level of daily abuse in order to gain the semblance of what would pass muster for the onlooker. This is the social control effected by that "what would people say?" concept. The internet people can shed a tear, express some empathy, curse the abuser in the forum-approved epithets, and move on. A while back on this thread there was the question "what is the solution for this?". Not a thing that can come from the outside!
     
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