Am I going in right direction??? Please Advice!!!

Dear Can Wait,

I agree when you are in pain and your significant half doesnot even realise the pain and moreover, continue to add on to the pain day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second, it is necessary to move on. Intentional abuse kills one's self-identity, self esteem, self confidence. So, if someone is in such situtaion, the best is to realize and make decision. I agree that it is best when your parents are on your side, do share your stories ASAP with them and decide.

I am glad to know despite of all the abuse, you handled everything in an effective manner.


Archana, When you think that you are not smart and he will outsmart you at any stage, just have faith in God and think God is on your side. I was meek & timid but God did miracles and pulled me out of den. and landed me on a safe shore. All the Best.

 

That's true. Archana. Another thing do you remember, in Ramayan, how Ravana took Sita with her. He became a saint and in actual he was a demon. Anyone can be cheated in that way. I and my family were cheated in that way. As you said, if it would not me, somebody else could have been randomly picked.

I agree with your another post about isolation. I also learnt later that isolation is a warning sign for victim.

Despite of all the pain I have been through, I am also thankful to God that I am safe and in good health. Take Care

 

You laid this point absolutely well!:thumbsup

I still feel women like you are very few, you being a USC, he got his GC, USC, then sponsored his parents, you paid so much money to him , and also managed abuse , incl physical, for 8 years,
frankly how many are going to be like you? you are pious at heart.

 

Canwait, one of the best advices I have ever read on this forum came out from this post of yours, just brilliant advice

 

IMO, the first domestic violence case should have been filed by Seetha. For no fault of hers she had to undergo ordeals. She's a bad example for womens liberation.

Several have asked me too on how I withstood the exploitation and why I did not walk out of the marriage much earlier when he was in Riyadh.

Instead of talking about what should have been done, why we did not act rationally and debasing our self esteem, think that you took a wise decision at the age of 30 and did not waste another 10 years of your life. It's easier to ask these type of questions, unless they are subjected to the actual situation. In the actual situation all of us will let go in the hope we will see light at the end of the tunnel.

If we had given a tough fight, the same sect would call us high handed, stubborn and what not. If we are amicable we would be labeled as meek and cowards.

If you tweak this forum, you will find more cruel experiences than what we have faced. I'ld not want to point you to those threads explicitly but just tweak this forum. Bottom line friend, you have several people in your league and you are not an exception in this world.

This just reminds of the song from Amar Prem.

 

Good to hear that faith in God is still alive, so that people who are helpless, who lack support, and feel lonely, have something to believe in. That miracles do happen.

 

Spot-on. My ex used to go mad and drive me nuts whenever I got in touch with my family. Sometimes, he used to confiscate the phone, so I cannot reach them. However, I overpowered him most of the times and it was a rare case when he used to confiscate. He tried his best to cut me off from my family and keep me under his control. He was a woman hater basically, because of a bad childhood. I was told his parents fought terribly and the mother used to lock herself in the room and never came out for days. Today my past doesn't hurt me anymore. I just hope I continue this way.

The abusers motive is to have a person with them and treat them like an earthworm. They get innate pleasure when someone is tortured; they are like high school bullies and sometimes worse than that. I got to know about a girl whose ex abused her terribly that whenever they were alone he wanted her to behave like **** star. I wonder what penetrates these guys mind or to which genus they belong.

Tridev has mentioned that miracles do happen. I believe in that too. God gives us bad experiences but stays by our side and solves them too. I used to wonder what if the psycho had behaved the same way in Riyadh; my life would have been doomed. I don't know whether my family would have been in position to trace me. I thank God for helping me come out of this when I was in the UK.

Anyways, Arch, take care of yourself. Hit the forum whenever you have an issue, we will wear the thinking hats and pour in our ideas.

 

How can you stay with this man?I am surprised that you did and tolerated so much . I salute you.But I think you should start your life anew..please..