Am I going in right direction??? Please Advice!!!

Archana, you are in a land where there's no corruption. You please make the best use of the legal route in the US and nail him down. Whatever, your parents have done is a great service to him and that scum bag doesn't deserve a bit.

I know what it is to get exploited and backstabbed. The best thing you can do to yourself now is:

• Stop crying
• Be bold
• Realise that you are your best friend. The world will not come to your aid when you are battling for something
• Reach out to the world
• Participate in these forums as much as possible. There are several of them who went through divorce in the US. They can perhaps advice you.

God helps those that helps themselves. My ex barged into the house under the pretext that he lost his job in the UK and has returned to India with bag and baggage. Whenever I left to work, he used to pick up a fight with my parents. My mom used to get scared of his tantrums and used to lock herself in the bathroom. My dad just could not tolerate and one asked him to get out of the house. He went to the cops and filed a complaint against my parents saying they are not allowing him to live with me. In reality this guy is a psycho and he just wanted a simple escape route to get out of the marriage by blaming someone else. We never knew when he will be happy, sad, and when he will get angry and what will irk him.

To show him a better life, I helped him move from Riyadh to the UK, purchase a property in India. Helped him network with so many of my worthy friends. He simply used every other person to his whims and fancies. They concealed the fact that his dad had corruption charges from the military and the Indian Intelligence his behind him. Money used to flow to him to bail him out. In my case, he did not touch my money but made it clear if I had to live with him I must share all the bills. He's impotent and had an erratic behavior. He wanted me only to help him search jobs, think for him how best he can improve himself. To top it up he used to abuse me and my parents. I returned from the UK one fine day with just an inch to become insane. I was under anti-depressants which has pushed me to the huge figure group. I took a job in India. He came to India just to take away the property because it was he who had invested and I did not have any stakes. It was a non-consummated marriage.When I was in the UK I booked a GP appointment and the same day he staged a drama saying he lost his job because I found fault with him and his family. I took that blame and again through my network put him through interviews in a MNC. The moment he got through he got back his original nature of harrassing me. He used throw food, find fault with every damn thing but wanted me to help him from finding an apartment, to barber, searching jobs, cleaning cooking and when I asked him for my dues he used to abuse me saying I was nasty with his family.

I gave up on the property because I don't want a property but I want peace of mind. The last straw was when he spoke filth in the police station and when I questioned in the most embarrasing manner in India. Today I have greater clarity of mind. The only saving grace was that I never entangled in any financial mess with him.

The downside to my case was there were times when there was equal power game. I gave up when he took all of us to the cops to save his skin. I could have easily filed a domestic violence case against him and his dad. When I got married to him he did not even have an address proof in India. I made him a joint account holder in one of dead accounts to bring in an address proof. He made use of every other resource. He lost his job in the UK owing to poor technical capabilities. My brother who is in similar profession sent some CDs to him so he can learn.

For some of us life is hard. You are just 30, may be life has something better for you. Never ever give up your strength. Your inner strength and life is of paramount importance. If you give-up on them your life will become miserable. You are born to win Archana and not to lose.

 

Archana,
I am so glad you are getting help.YES you are right God definitely listens and will punish the guilty.

All the power to you my girl.Stand tall and Proud.

I have a friend who went through exact same situation.She also came over when she was 10-12. We are all here to help you.

Good Luck.

 

Agreed, but if we think deeply, physical abuse has emotional abuse element too, if someone keeps hitting someone, with physical pain, the victims self esteem takes beating too, the victim harbors great amount of frustration, anger, hurt, that the victim is not able to do anything. Many people who are beaten keep the grudge to get even

Emotional abuse definitely is worst, depending on choice of words, but physical abuse too leaves a scar on mind

 

dear

I think you have sufferred enough. Such greedy people should get punished then and there. Be brave and bold for taking decision about your future.

all the best.


ganges

 

Archana

I cant really say whether my analysis is right or not..but on top of my head if I think why he had to take a step back...

I am thinking...might be he consulted his friends/family..and they might have suggested to do it as if no money exchange is involved divorce would be granted easier...

If he demands money greedily, you might get even with him and give him a tough battle in court which might take years to grant the divorce...

Might be he is checking whether you are still firm on your decision of divorce..as if he takes a step back, would you also take a step back????

Might be he wanted to check if he takes a step back and doesnt ask for money...you too may not ask him to return back all the money you and your parents have given him and his parents...

Might be he is showing off to his friends and extended relatives and family as to how adamant and headstrong girl you are who is giving him tough time and how even if he mellows down, you wont show signs of mellowing down..its like trying to gain public sympathy

As far as physical abuse is concerned, if you have any evidence on that gather the same and do give it to your attorney..

You have to remember one thing here....This is not the time for you to even think of how would you be handling things in future...If you find a rotten part in a plant, you would cut off that rotten part so that the plant can grow healthily...so think that you are cutting off that rotten part of your body...BE Brave and STRONG.

Ofcourse these court proceedings and he contacting you on and off through his friends/family is going to be quite annoying and upset you...but gather all that as evidence and do get this thing over with.dont take any calls from him.

You should be glad that atleast after such long time of 8 yrs you realised that this man doesnt appreciate your love. Yes am sure god is watching all over us, he would do the needful for every one. We all are here to learn from our lives.

 

Archana,

Don't take the abuse. Just DIVORCE him. You are young and educated. There are plenty of nice people in the world.

Take care of yourself and your parents.

God Bless you, my dear Child.

Peace be with you.

 

There are very few women like you, who will be bread winner for family and take abuse lying low, very rare indeed. I know it is easy to say than do, but you will have to bite this bullet now and move on, thank that you dont have a Kid with this man. Again he may create issues in divorce and that can drag till years too. Hope that does not happen.

 

Archana, you should have acted on this a long time ago seeing as this was going nowhere, but better late than never. But do not let him exploit you financially or emotionally from now on and be resolute on that. Do not give him even a penny and he does not deserve it. I have a sneaking suspicion that him and his family are almost doing these marriages as a business to get money from unsuspecting brides and their parents. Good luck and hopefully everything ends well and this nightmare be soon over for you.