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Am I going in right direction??? Please Advice!!!

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by ArchanaP, Feb 25, 2010.

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  1. Priya_Mommy

    Priya_Mommy Gold IL'ite

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    Archana,
    So sad and pathetic to hear!
    Why are still thinking its right or wrong........if you haven't taken any decision, then that would be wrong, but yes, this is absolutely right. You've made the right to decision to split from him! He behaved like an educated fool and his parents too. Comeout of that strained relationship, no doubt you have a bright future. 30 is not too late to get remarried. Concentrate on your career, get out of him asap legally. How rediculously behaved with you for the past 6 years. Good that you dont have kids, otherwise it would have been tough to make a split decision.
    All the best!!!
     
  2. Amma15

    Amma15 Gold IL'ite

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    Archana dear,

    Better late than never! Forget him. Which world is he living in. Alimony my foot! Move on.

    God bless and all the best,

    Usha
     
  3. luckybychance

    luckybychance Senior IL'ite

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    all the very best to u....u deserve something really better i mean the best.
     
  4. aruna_077

    aruna_077 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear,

    You have finally realized, though a way tooo harder!!

    I am at a complete loss of words.

    I agree with Nandshyam.. You deserve someone far better.. And you will get it.

    Just wait for the right time.

    Though am confused how can a girl brought up in US be so patient and innocent??

    Hugs,
    Aruna
     
  5. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    Thank You all for your prayers and suggestions.

    I replied twice yesterday but could not see my post.
    My husband came back through one of family friends saying I do not have to pay him any money and that he is free next week, so I should get all the papers ready for divorce and he will sign them. I know he is playing mind games. Can you guess what is he up to? I cannot match up to his brain. Why would he ask money first and later say I do not have to pay anything and he will sign the papers. Did any one of u come across anything like this? Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  6. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    Many of you asked me questions. Here are my answers:

    Thank You all for your good advices and prayers. I feel much better now.

    I do not have children (THANK GOD FOR THAT). But yes, I have prayed and cried to god for children, yet he did not give me. I guess GOD was protecting me for sure. When I realized the betrayal from him, that's when I dropped the idea of having kids.
    I guess I knew what he was doing to me, but I took so many years to accept the fact and was hoping for him to change. My parents are extremely supportive during this time.

    To Tridev: It was severe physical abuse. He throws me on ground and uses his fist and legs to beat and punch me.He grabs me by my hair and throws me all over the ground.He does that whenever I don't do things his way and sometimes blaming that I do not respect his parents.


    Thank You all again for your prayers and support and the time you have taken to read my story.
    Archana
     
  7. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Archana.... we are not weirdos like him so probably we will not be able to guess what is in his mind or what games he's playing. Bottom line is, you don't want this marriage, and from the carefree way in which he's agreed to sign the papers with no struggle... shows he doesn't want this marriage either. He's milked this relationship for all the money it's worth, now he wants to go on to find some other girl and swindle her parents out of their hard earned money too. As for why he stopped demanding more money to divorce... maybe one of his stupid relatives shook some sense in him and made him to realize that even if he asks for it, he'll not be able to get one more penny from you and has hence stopped asking for the $40,000. That's the only thing I can think of. Good luck.
     
  8. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    To Aruna,

    I am not raised in US. I was raised in India but came to this country when I was 17. I was very timid by nature. I guess for every woman life starts after the marriage but for me that day was the end. I can feel myself again now. It took almost one year for me to calm down and talk about what I am going through without crying any more. I do cry now but only for me.

    Thanks
    Archana
     
  9. Foundlove

    Foundlove Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Archana,

    I think your husband came back to ask for only divorce because either
    1. He has another prospect of marriage and wants to hurry up so he can get money from this other party.
    2. Someone told him that if you bring forward the physical abuse he will get punished.Some states like IL have a law that even if the spouse takes back their complaint the state will convict.
    3. He may also be asked to pay alimony.
    4. He has acquired some property on the sly and does not want to disclose.
    Whatever you do ...do not agree to anything right away.Always say I will think and get back to you...ALWAYS.... this will give you time to think and get advice.

    GET A LAWYER.....please do that.Go to a South Asian Women's shelter they may be able to help you better.
     
  10. ArchanaP

    ArchanaP Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I have spoken to a local organization and also an Indian organization and they are providing me directions. I am also in the process of talking to lawyer. At the moment I am silent and do not want to reply to him. I have a restraining order in place against him. I did not get back to the family friend yet. I just chose to stay silent.

    Honestly I do not want any alimony from him. I just want him to return my parents money. He just can't come across, destroy my family and walk out easily to continue his game with some one else.

    Each time he abused me, I would look up to the sky and this is what I pray:
    "God please help me get our of this hell and also get him remarried and put him through the same thing that he is putting me through now and make him realize what he has done to me."

    God got me out of that hell and I am sure he will do the rest too. The day he realizes what he has done for me, that's the enough punishment itself for him.

    Thank You
    Archana
     
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