Am I Expecting Too Much From Dh?

I have been there and done what you are doing and regret not getting my driving license earlier. You need to remove the money factor and take as many classes you want. Your first priority should be getting a license. I don't understand this mentality of wasting money to get license. I spent quite a bit of money in getting my license but I don't regret even one day for the money spent. Since you both are working and closing a home I'm not sure what is the problem in spending money to getting license or buying a second car. Once you have a baby if you want to depend on your DH for every doctor appointment that is really burden on him. He has every right to get angry. 2 years is long time to pickup and drop off someone at work. Yes you are expecting too much from your DH. Accidents happen life happens we need to move forward in life. You can see a therapist if you need help in clearing your mind. You need to find ways to overcome your fear and just do it. Never ever take any driving lessons from husband.

 

Whilst I don't agree with your husband's behaviour, I can understand his frustration, 2 years is a long time to pick up and drop off for work, especially if it takes as long as you say.

When I first moved to the US, my husband had to drop me and pick me up to and from work everyday because I was too scared to drive here. It used to take us an hour and a half every day and although he was nice enough never to complain, I still felt bad because I could see how tiring it was for him. Since getting my license however, it has been a lot easier for both of us but especially so for me because it's made me more independent. And I think that is what you need to work towards too.

Don't worry about the cost, instead consider that once you have your license, you'll be more independent and it'll boost your self confidence too.

The only other thing I would say is to practice as much as you can, but maybe find a friend or relative to practice with since this is obviously a sore issue between you and your husband. Remove him from the equation and you'll be worrying less about annoying him and more about what you need to do to pass.

Hope this helps.

 

Hi,

Relationship is more important. If ur husband is not ok with dropping u better take Uber or scoop. U don’t want to drive and ur husband can take care of this job...While pregnancy don’t take too much stress. Don’t think about money now. Use Uber or scoop daily ...it’s the best idea I know.

 

Hi @BeingSoulful

I want to offer a few perspectives: I am sorry that a lot of issues are being dumped on you and the fact that you're not driving right now. I myself would be really upset if my partner was not happy giving me a ride to and from work - we're a team after all and we ought to complement each other when possible.

Just to make you see where he may be coming from: Commuting is not just time. 1 hour extra is a whole lot. Especially if you guys are doing office time commute, traffic doesn't just flow, and being on the accelerator and brake is extremely frustrating and physically tiring (of course you know about this since you were also driving - just sharing as a reminder from a friend) and he is getting annoyed on what this extra hour could mean for his job progress. Also 1 hour extra also means more overhead of time synch up - texts, calls and planning according to each day's schedule for both. Also means he can't stay back late or leave early and must sync with you. And I've had a full-time job when I was single, married and with kid. And I know how many decisions/discussions happen after hours. Having a child in the future also means both parents become anxious of future, family finances, job security, promotions, etc. Taking away 1 hour from his work time, may mean he is not able to take away that challenging task, or he lost out on some "out-of-band" opportunity/info, he became second-choice for a promotion, etc.
All this *doesn't at all* justify him complaining every day - just reminding you of things that's possibly making him react like this. Ideally, he conveys his frustrations kindly and politely to you.

The other perspective i have for you is to approach getting driver's license with super-positive-charged-up-self. Imagine all the cool things you can do if you have a DL and then you guys can get your affordable second-car (even if you're not planning on buying now, once you have DL - the options to lease or getting a used car - will become attractive and many families do that for that second car).

So here goes for the super-positive-driving-practising-you:

1. 5pm an Monday and you've already had such a hectic day that you even forgot you were pregnant? Then stop by for the pre-natal yoga class - where 30 mins is all about you, your baby and relaxation!

2. 5pm on Wednesday and you know the fridge is empty? Find that new Indian store where the veggies are pre-cut and make that quick hot sabzi to for you, baby and hubby to enjoy.

3. 6pm on Thursday - and you feel you can't survive another work-day. Stop by for some retail therapy, a manicure or a nice foot-massage (or whatever suits you) .

4. 4pm on Friday and can't wait for the weekend to begin: Call that old friend to stop by and get quick masala chai and samosa before you head home to the husband who will be working late!

And yes after baby, EVERYTHING becomes 10X more difficult to find time for. So this is the best time to allocate lots of time for yourself and personal goals. Good luck on the DL!

 

Uber
Scoop

 

Yes, you should. If it is harder for a homemaker not driving soon after someone moves to the US, it is doubly harder if she is a working woman and need to be dropped and picked up every working day. Buying a car is not the issue but not having a proper practice and drive carefully is. The traffic nowadays in every city is crazy and more so before or after the office hours. Frankly, commuting is much more stressful than the work itself in many cities. Getting your driver's license will boost your self-confidence.

Don't think I am a heartless soul not considering your sincere attempt to learn driving and pass a test or your pregnancy. Don't let one accident in India dictate your life in future. Relax your mind and sincerely keep trying to pass the driving test without thinking about driving to and from work and without worrying about where the second car was going to come from.

Have an instructor hired to train you if your husband's perfection is making you nervous on the road. If you get the driver's license out of the way, it would release the tension between two of you very quickly.

Failing the driver's test once is not a big deal and I have seen many failing multiple times. I had five working days to get my driver's license in 1995 as my colleague agreed to pick and drop me for 5 working days. My wife went through a tough time getting the license as we lived very close to school and there was no bus facility to drop and pick him back. Assume all these pains are for a bright future. If you are a working woman or not, you have to be driving on your own so that you get the freedom to drive yourself wherever you need to.

Relax your mind and tell your husband you are determined to get the license as soon as possible. That will power would work wonders and remove the tension between two of you. When you are pregnant is when you need to be much more relaxed and have a wonderful environment around you. All the best.

Viswa

 

I have that fear of driving for the past few decades. I understand the issue clearly.

It is my lifelong hindrance / the fear of unknown. I am not comfortable driving to a new place,
but fine with daily routines like work, doctor's office, mall, grocery stores etc.
The multi-story highways / ramps makes me dizzy!

My DH used to give me practice run ahead of time, if it is a new place. Now a days, it is
much easier with GPS, eventually you can reach your destination! Hard to miss it, worst
case may need to circle few times!

You cannot depend on others, here without a driving license. You don't have to be an expert
driver but minimum should drive to your daily routine.

At least for 3-years, my DH drove me around even after getting my valid license and the 2nd car
because I was afraid of those 'what if's. Suddenly one Monday morning, he abandoned me and
refused to drive me any more. Started to drive on the highways with tears and came home
safe in one piece, that was few decades ago.

Take a small step. You will be fine. One day, you will tell us fun stories of finding your way home.

 

Make it a priority to get your drivers license. Take as many classes as needed from a driving school. It will be much less stressful than learning from family members. If your husband is bothered by the cost then tell him tha it's cheaper than taking Uber and he will get back his routine quicker.
In many parts of America a car and driving skills are a must. This country is not set up for public transport unless you live in the heart of a big city. I could theoretically take a bus to get to the subway station for my daily commute. It is just 3 miles from my home. It would take me 15 minutes to walk to the bus stop, 15 minutes to wait for the bus and 15 minutes to ride the bus. I drive myself there in 7 minutes.
It is not fair to your husband unless you are working in the same place. And once you have your baby it will be invaluable for you to be able to go places on your own, such as doctors appointments, shopping, play dates or emergency pickups from daycare if your child falls sick.