1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Am I Doing Something Wrong ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Aug 15, 2021.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    895
    Likes Received:
    116
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    That is the reason I am posting here. If I ask someone I know in my circle I will be putting my own self on the road exposing my personal issues and making myself the fool. But nowadays I’m not able to control myself. Slowly I am starting to let go and tell people my issues. .
     
  2. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    545
    Likes Received:
    663
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Please be careful. People can be good and bad. Unfortunately in these kind of situations, people show their worst side. I have seen people smirking, even expressing happiness... some of them are like if they can't be happy they can't see others happiness. They can be very nasty. Some things are better not talked about. It is easier said than done, just learn to work around, don't mention to acquaintances, they will start rumors.
     
  3. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    895
    Likes Received:
    116
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Exactly. People don’t help but the second they know our personal issues they will tell the whole world about them. For now my husband manages to keep a good reputation for himself. If that is ruined my kids will suffer as no one will come to talk to us and play with kids. But internally we have a war going on.
    It is not a problem that can be ignored. I’m suffering here. That is the reason I’m asking here.
    If I say one word to anyone about what he is doing at home or how he treats me it is enough to destroy his reputation. I can easily do that. But I am not. I am asking here for help.

    I can earn my own money now kids are grown up. I am in no way trying to steal his money like my friend said. But something here is not right and if I don’t fix it now I am pretty sure it will explode soon.

    That is the reason I’m posting here. Please bare with me all. If I find out what’s going on I will let u know.
    Sometimes I think it is better to go back to India where there is lots of human interaction and people will see what’s going on.

    but I don’t know.
     
  4. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    545
    Likes Received:
    663
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Not to put you down, but if you talk, his reputation won't even get dented, let alone ruined. People will enjoy the show. Fingers will point at you for talking. Either you sort it out amicably or unfavorably or lie low. As much as possible try to be independent. When there is no love, there will be no reasoning or logic, even if it is there it will be twisted. Your guy is doing it just to make you lose your nuts completely. Beware of him and don't talk about him. Talk to him but not about him. If that doesn't work, then put up or break up. None of them are easy and all of them lead to disappointment and sadness. Again I am not asking or suggesting you break up.
     
  5. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    895
    Likes Received:
    116
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank u for making me realize I have not lost it and making me feel confident again by expressing ur views !
     
  6. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    895
    Likes Received:
    116
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you for your thoughts! When I read this post the same thoughts ran through my mind. But I didn’t say anything.
     
  7. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    895
    Likes Received:
    116
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Today there was a huuuge fight. Husband is demanding that I do direct deposit of entire paycheck into his account. I have already been doing direct deposit for half of the paycheck into his account already. So it’s $2000*15 =30000 into his account this year. I too have $30000 but still pay foe kids classes of at least $600 a month to avoid fuss with hubby. Pay for food clothes medicines anything else I want to buy without having to ask him for it.
    Now he asks how much money o have and asks me to pay it off for house or buy a car.
    Then what did he do wirh two jobs ? Left me alone wirh two kids did not do even a single thing at home including shopping kids classes , didn’t pay for food. What did he do with the second job salary?? He worked two jobs for 5 years. Now what is the rush suddenly to pay off the house. I said I have $17000 left then why does he need THIS MONEY EXACTLY TO PAY OFF THE HOUSE ?

    I cannot stand this torture. He bought a Tesla so why can’t I buy what I want with my money. I don’t get it.

    Feeling torture just to stay with the guy. I am ready to call it quits and divorce him.

    BUT just the kids might suffer. He is a good dad though. No one knows his true nature except me.

    I just want to get out now. Don’t have stamina to bear all this drama anymore

    I asked him why he is never home. Lots of wives are housewives. It is not like the husband doesn’t even talk to wife ever.
    More importantly when I try to feed my kids food he automatically comes down ( he hides in his room pretending to be working for years and days never comes down to have food with us ) and says why ur feeding kids soo late and throws their plates on trash. In the morning he says do people eat breakfast so early in the morning and same scene. When I am trying to give medicines to kids as they are sick ( little one gives me trouble and starts crying ) he says I’m trying to torture the kids and I am doing drama and want to make them cry.

    Everyday it’s a hassle and a fight. Feeling awful about my future and what I’ve gotten myself into even though I knew the signs from the start.
    Help.
     
  8. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    895
    Likes Received:
    116
    Trophy Points:
    108
    Gender:
    Female
    Would going to India help where most women are housewife’s ?

    how do I solve this plight. Before the fuss was about not working now it is about working and not giving money.
    More than that he says I’m not cleaning cooking taking care of kids when I’m trying to do my best possible. When I’m in a meeting he barges into the meeting and starts yelling at me to feed kids.
    I don’t get it. When he has work he doesn’t even let me talk to him. He is not even home Saturday and Sunday on the pretense of working.
    Then why should I not work on Saturday and Sunday even if it is a few hours. Last week in one year I was asked to work on Sunday. It was a nightmare with him accusing me of skipping household chores.
    I cannot go on like this. Help.
     
  9. lakshmi888

    lakshmi888 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    144
    Likes Received:
    196
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    my only question to you is - what are you getting from this marriage , from him..

    my answer from reading all your posts is zero ..

    you have been used throughout this marriage - to start with for green card and all the while as a cook and a cleaner while he enjoys his life …

    n now he demands money from you when u do everything cook, clean, managing 2 kids single handedly and he does not even get u food when you are sick !!!


    That’s emotional abuse !!

    moreover after u stated working, he despite earning enough to buy Tesla asks for your salary ??

    God also helps those who help themselves ..

    your life and youth seems to have been completely wasted with this man as you have been thoroughly used ..
     
    chanchitra likes this.
  10. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    999
    Likes Received:
    1,237
    Trophy Points:
    263
    Gender:
    Female
    How is he a good dad if he is throwing their food away, not giving them Medication.
    If he is yelling all the time, imagine the anxiety your kids must be having.
    He is a psychopath. Period.
     
    lakshmi888 likes this.

Share This Page