Am I Doing Something Wrong ?

Who is buying grocery?
If he contributes to mortgage, bills etc he is contributing to family expense and taking care of you & kids. Then I am not sure why your posts indicate lack of food ( if it just one time food or not buying any grocery for cooking) and diaper or his refusal to buy and the reason for it.
Its up to you to decide what to do. But if you decide to go for joint account make sure you can login to bank website and have full control of it including credit cards. If you need his permission, then its a different problem. In a marriage both are equal partners. If both earn, then both are expected to contribute to it. There is no his money or my money, its joint money of both of you. You are entitled to 50% of every thing.
My concerns are in #39

 

@DDream - OP is right - its not just about mortgage- her hubby does not buy even one diaper , doe snot look after her when she is sick, does not buy food for her when she delivered baby...he is paying mortagge to avoid his credit history going bad..he is in thsi marriage for all the services provided by wife- 3 times good food, laundry - but doe snot care if she is sick , if baby needs diapers..hasnt bought one ever...did not buy food when she is sick...

i read here one poster tolerated abuse for long like this for years - she had to go to doctors all alone ...whats the point of marriage if the spouse can not be there for the bad times..he keeps in it as he wont get remarried n i sgetting 3 times good food, nice laundry services n can treat wife bad n still get all household work done...


even .if u treat a maid bad, she just leaves work even in India....her eone can't get maids for day to day...one time cleaning once in a month may be for a small area but she also wont clean properly n is very expensive..forget about daily 3 times good food n laundry clenaing n folding

 

Op you say that he is giving money to others! I think you should be consulted with before giving money to others Bc in a way it’s your money. You have all the rights. Is he okay if you give money to others? U need make that clear!

 

I think you both should come to an understanding! Just sit together and talk!

 

I have raised those concerns in #39 and in earlier posts in this thread. She also said in earlier posts that she dont provide food/service to him due to all these issues and living like a housemate. So I am not sure exactly what is going on as she now talks about giving full salary to joint account when she knows her husband's emotionally abusive nature and lack of support, but still like to give full control to him. Only she knows the truth. Anyway, this topic can be solved by proper communication. That's exactly what is missing in her marriage and that is the one reason for its current dead state as from her earlier posts. I hope she would be able to discuss this money issue in a proper way with husband and reach a solution. If she cannot talk or reach a middle ground or if he is not willing to listen then its better to have her own savings and account so that she can buy what she wants, even when she agrees to contribute to the total expense.

 

OP, you have been here for a long time with different threads about different issues but all pointing to marriage. honestly this has affected your self esteem and is becoming a chronic stress.

you have to step back and go for individual therapy for sometime. may be minor medication depending upon the process. once you get clarity i feel you might be able to take more assertive decisions.

 

It's possible. Here op has a job. She and her kids are US citizens.
Anyways it's her Decision to make

 

If she has an external support!

 

It depends on the age of her kids .

 

OP is anyhow raising her child as a single person ( she is technically married but husband is there to only eat n watch tv )

husband knows he wont get remarried easily n wont get such a good deal where he does not pay money to even buy a diaper n does not pay or buy for food even when OP is sick n does not care for the OP when she is sick still getting 3 times good food, clean house, laundy washed n folded.