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Am I Doing Something Wrong ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Aug 15, 2021.

  1. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    “You cant treat him as a roommate and expect him to treat you like a wife.”.
    It is the other way around. He is treating me like a roommate !! Please !! And a nanny and a cleaner !! Finding faults tell me what to do
     
  2. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    Are you financially independent ?
    Why don't you leave him.
     
  3. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    To add more details my husband has a joint account with me ( password and username are stored in laptop which I can access too) shared in his laptop but which I have never seen and which he has never given a credit card or money from or checkbook even.

    so the $2000 going to his account is a joint account and the $1900 going to my account is a personal account that he does not have access to. ( I never told him password ) Yesterday my friend started accusing me that I am the one hiding things as my bank account is personal and his account is joint. And I must be transferring money from the joint account to mine. The sentence shocked me.

    The account is joint but I have never used it before. He silently deposits checks that are under my name into the joint account.

    Oh well. Sigh. My heart broke when she said that. Just wanted to vent hear and get thoughts and suggestions. For another second feel like am I the bad person here should I just transfer everything to his name that is to the joint account and demand the credit card and check book. Password and username are saved in laptop but I’ve never gotten a chance to even look as he is always on the laptop.

    my mind is toast. Again I apologize. I just need to vent and get clarity on the situation
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2022
  4. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Reading all this I feel why we ever get married !
     
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  5. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Why is your friend involved in details about your personal finances?
     
  6. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    After having kids where is the question of leaving! I wonder how will it be if women didn’t have a job and money?!
     
  7. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    Because I was venting with her just like I am here. Sometimes the pressure is too much. I shouldn’t have shared. But I did.
     
  8. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    Yes because kids are involved here I am posting here otherwise I think I would have left long back. But even then our parents did not get us married to leave them right.
     
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  9. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Are you sure it is the only account your husband has?
    If he deposits every thing there and you have full access to it then you can call it a joint account. If you dont know the password or username and can't access from another pc anywhere and do transactions, then its not a 100% joint account. Bank website generally asks for username and password each time.

    If it is, then you can definitly request credit card. You dont need his permission to get card if its in your name too. So contact bank.

    Its your money, your choice and decision on what to do with your salary. If your husband is aware of your salary and your personal account you are not hiding anything. If there is issues in your marriage, its always safe to have your own savings.

    But your old posts says he didn't spend any money for you or kids. If he did from your joint account you cant say he didnt. You have also mentioned that he send lot of money to others.
    In that case you have every right to protect your money. I think the current setup is good for you.

    If you have a great marriage, depositing every thing to joint account and being transparent can work. But many couple I know have their own accounts for salary and joint account for total home expense with common credit cards.

    So its your decision on what to do with your salary. If you can get a job, you can manage it too. You should maintain financial independence while contributing to your total home expense. No one else has any right to question it. But you can definitly discuss with your dh on your financial setup or options if you are comfortable with it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2022
  10. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    I am not sure if he deposits everything into that account .


    My friend was also saying he pays for house , utilities car bill etc then why im complaining about him not buying food for me. It just hurts when u have a newborn baby home alone with no support u expect food. He would just avoid buying it. When I had a csection he took me to a counselor when I asked him to buy diapers. !! ( I was exhausted otherwise I would buy them )
    Never bought even one diaper. All that maybe makes my mind full of negative emotions. Baby is the happiest thing that happens to anyone. In that precious moment he ruined the joy of it with these petty acts. Maybe I should just let go of everything and put all the salary into the joint account for one year and see what happens.

    But he is a man he has enough money why does he need all of my money.

    I’m just confused. Sorry again guys for rambling.
     

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