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Am I Doing Something Wrong ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Aug 15, 2021.

  1. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    I understand.
    I meant her suggestion is so nice, everyone needs to implement it
     
  2. Ramyarc

    Ramyarc Silver IL'ite

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    Hello OP

    even though you have complained about your husband there are a couple of good things you said about him. I gather that he works two jobs, helps you by feeding breakfast to kids.

    I agree that buying tesla is a bit much but I believe he has worked hard for it. Buying things for mom and brother is also not bad at all. The problem is that he doesn’t spend on you. During pregnancy it’s possible he did not want you to overeat although the way he ensured this is bad…

    Coming to your salary he wants you to show your expenses. I don’t think there is anything wrong in that. I guess his fear is that you will not spend your money wisely. So do keep the 1900 with you agree to share your monthly expenses. Do assure your DH that you won’t spend unnecessarily and will consult him for big ticket purchases. Hopefully this will de-escalate the situation.

    believe me OP- all husbands who earn well say things like “my car” “my TV” ….. Doesn’t mean they are bad ppl. They feel they have worked hard and so are invested in these material things. Be patient - your salarywill increase over time and your husband’s faith is your budgeting skills will also strengthen over time.

    Although i do have similar fights with my hubby, we both agree that couples should never fight about money. It sours the relationship and there is no going back.

    So very important to discuss and find an agreeable solution if you need this marriage to work.
     
  3. citygirl

    citygirl New IL'ite

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    I don’t think you are wrong, contribute a percentage as you have planned towards the joint household expenditure, rest save or use as you see fit.

    He can’t expect you to give him your whole salary when he didn’t share his earnings with you when you were not employed. Trust has to be earned and from what you have said, he hasn’t.
     
  4. sangeeta098

    sangeeta098 Bronze IL'ite

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    Stop paying a single penny to this undeserving husband. It’s more like a roommate relationship.
    Paying 50% is bringing all this yelling etc. Let him yell more, stay strong & donot pay him.
    Put all your family members on video conference and everyone know how well he is treating you. Let the whole world know. He does not deserve any respect and its ok to put him down and get some votes on your side. Make sure you are ready to handle this scenario. Once he knows you are not going to take it, theres no looking back for you. You have to take a stand for yourself and for your kids.
     
    chanchitra likes this.
  5. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Silver IL'ite

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    I am already paying $2000 for expenses. The reason for this is I don’t want him to get into the habit of buying whatever his heart desires and ask me to contribute for it. Are household expenses more than $4000. Even now I am paying other expenses like groceries when I go out kids classes out of the $1900 I have What else he wants. If he can’t manage it he needs to reduce his expenses. I am not his rescue for his lavish expenses. Why should I tell him what I do with my money !? Has he told me what he has been doing with his ?
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2021
  6. Daddysgirl

    Daddysgirl Senior IL'ite

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    Don't give ur full hard earned money to him. U r not at all wrong. If he wishes to spend money on his mom, bro, sis then why he won't spend money on his wife and kids. I know how it feels in this situation. As u decided give half expenses only
     

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