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Am I Doing Something Wrong ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Aug 15, 2021.

  1. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Don’t file taxes together so that he will not know your income.
    After you get some experience get a high paying job and contribute only how much you are doing now. The remaining money save it for you and your kids and do whatever shopping you want!
     
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  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    [​IMG]
    Without trust, spouses will never feel comfortable in the relationship. They may be constantly expecting the worst from their partner. Not only is this an unhappy way to live, but it is also stressful and exhausting.[source]​

    Marriage is ideal when there is trust between spouses. However, levels of sub-optimal marriages are quite tolerable for millions of couples. Mutually untrusting married couples [Clintons, Trumps, Kennedys] had been leaders of powerful countries in the world.

    For regular folks, coming to a peaceful accommodation in an untrusting marital relationship may take some initial struggle, but it is entirely feasible. Most often minor children [< 18 years of age in USA] make it necessary to reach a truce in the homestead. Once there is truce, a treaty would be within reach: Financial rules/responsibilities, Household rules/responsibilities would all fall into place. It may all turn out to be rather beautiful, like the golden-repair [Kin-tsugi] art.
    upload_2021-8-16_8-21-6.png
     
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  3. Minion

    Minion Platinum IL'ite

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    Your DH is trying to control you by controlling your salary, he thinks that you will become independent if you manage your salary. You have let him enjoy the family money however he wants like buying a tesla and investing in his name, you have to just let him know he can not have his fantasy way of spending it has to stop and he has to take care of the family, how you convey the message depends on you.
     
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  4. stayblessed

    stayblessed Platinum IL'ite

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    No you aren't doing anything wrong. Don't leave the job in any situation. Use the money to get all outside help you could but don't loose the job.
     
  5. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    What does dog training have to do with this post ??? I’m lost !
     
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  6. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    The reason I doubt myself is before marriage also I worked in the US. My parents didn’t take even one cent or rupee of my money saying parents should always give their kids money etc and not take things from them. To add to that they used to pay me money to buy clothes food expenses etc. So I’m a greedy witch who has kept all my premarriage income to myself too. I tried to give it to them but stopped when I realized it was creating arguments. So if I am wrong in this scenario after marriage please feel free to let me know !
     
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  7. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Platinum IL'ite

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    I don’t understand all the fuss. What is this ‘I will give x amount’ business. What’s there for you to ‘give’ and for him to ‘take’?? By phrasing it like that you are setting it up as a power play and creating unnecessary problems for yourself perhaps. Well that’s my opinion anyway.

    Yours is an established household so you must be having an idea of monthly expenses. Keep your money and pay directly for expenses totaling $2k or whatever number. Done. Or open a joint account in which both contribute for household expenses.
    Is he currently employed? What was he doing? Did he give his salary portion to you or did he pay for expenses as and when they occurred? Did he make advance announcements about what he will pay for or not? He kept quiet and did what he wanted right? And let you find out the hard way? You also do the same.

    Also a side note- @EagerForInfo I find you are brutally honest. At least in your posts here it’s quite apparent. Now this is not a criticism, it’s my observation ok? I wonder if you are like this in real life also and I wonder if that’s what contributing to some of these kind of needless problems arising. Sometimes when one is very explicit the other person’s ego makes them understand it in wrong way. What is said for the sake of clarity is taken negatively as an ultimatum and then they react. I’ve seen this in few egoistic personalities- both men and women. They like to keep upper hand you know? be the one to decide. Somehow I feel similar is going on with your h. So... in general, do what you want but try to say less, and do more. Show with your actions. No need to rub it in nor grandly announce every move in advance. Take it easy! Good Luck!
    And yeah! Depends when he bought it but Bitcoin is doing verrry well!
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2021
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  8. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    Agree with @1Sandhya. Did your dh ask for contributions? If not, no need to say, i will contribute this much. If that discussion comes up then you can or think about joint account for monthly expense. Your salary should go to your account. Also, apply for your own credit cards.
    If you want to contribite, spend it and if he question you, say this is all you can do. No more talks. Only actions like he do.

    If your dh is not ready to discuss every thing, just follow his foot steps. If you want to help parents do it. Now you are earning and you can do it Why need to ask permission or create issue for every thing. I understand that you prefer transparency, but if he dont value that what you can do.

    But, you should know what you want and stick with it. Never give up on your job. Learn to invest ( 401k, kids education and other schemes)and spend money wisely.
     
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  9. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    :worship2:.great suggestion
     
  10. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    The whole reason for this is because he has been nagging about contributions. I don’t know how married working couples manage finances. That is the reason for this post.
     

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