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Am I Doing Something Wrong ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by EagerForInfo, Aug 15, 2021.

  1. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    Talk to an attorney first. Find out your rights. Have a plan for how to handle things if he finds your cameras. Do all your homework before thinking of purchasing a nanny cam.

    You are way past the point of handling this on your own. You need help and you need it fast. Talk to an attorney.
    .
     
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  2. rosequeen

    rosequeen Bronze IL'ite

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    Giving money to parents as repayment of debt or for medical expenses is the best-bet borderline legal way you have of hiding money. Most people are not rich enough to utilize trusts or smart enough to get post-nups
     
  3. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    Problem is I don’t want to rock the boat if it is all in my head. Sometimes I think maybe there is a reason he is acting weird and maybe that once the problem is solved he will be normal. I am not able to judge.
     
  4. DDream

    DDream Platinum IL'ite

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    Its normal to have self-doubt in an abusive relationship( your posts indicate emotional abuse. Its not normal married life) followed by lack of self - respect and low self esteem.
    So the question is- are you overthinking or imagining these situations or is there any problem from your husband's side? What is the truth? Who is the culprit- your thoughts or husband's abusive, controlling behavior? We dont know your H's version. Its good be practical, I agree. But an abusive environment is not good for you or kids. If you like to live this way then stop complaining about your husband, accept it, focus on healing, set boundaries, introspect and fix your side, be positive and find ways to live your life- not good for you, but, you are already living like a roommate. Only you can decide whats best for you. Dont expect any miracles. ILites tried to enlighten you, but you are not ready yet. So its beyond something we can help.

    If you like to help yourself, you need to consult a professional - a counsellor/ therapist to figure it out. It will help you to gain clarity on how to proceed.
     
    Last edited: May 26, 2022
  5. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    From all your posts, eager,,
    Your husband is very abusive.
     
  6. lavani

    lavani Gold IL'ite

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    this is a classic case of trauma bonding.

    I wish you had a personal relative or friend who is honorable and trustworthy and you also trust his decisions. he she could pitch in and take in his / her care separating you .

    you need therapy and may be light medication. Sorry this sounds all offensive, but thing is you do not realize how much this has affected you
     
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  7. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    You are working full time and raising kids
    It a huge work

    Usually husband's help in Chores and kids with working wives and homemaker wives too.
    There was a fb post where most men agreed that homemaker wives too need help in household chores and kids because it's a 16 hr job.
    If the kids have sleep problems, it's more work
     
  8. chanchitra

    chanchitra Platinum IL'ite

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    You have already wasted your life. Please don't go back now. There is nothing wrong with you.
     
  9. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Finest Post Winner

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    I have wondered myself that your accounts of the arguments and quarrels are quite one-sided. You post something incendiary that your h did or said but never offer details of what led up to it, what precipitated it, what you said, what he replied what happened afterwards etc. I figured maybe all you want is to vent and receive sympathetic support. But then you will also get the kind of replies you received which you seem to be unsatisfied with. If you give a clearer view of what goes on, including being honest about things you said and did, and present the whole picture, (I'm not putting entire blame on you but in husband wife quarrel there are always two parties involved!) then the advice you receive will be more useful, balanced and practical.
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2022
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  10. EagerForInfo

    EagerForInfo Gold IL'ite

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    Thank u. I feel so much better with your words. Yes he does not help at all. Nothing. He is barely home. Maybe to avoid doing work at home. And when he comes home it is an argument about why kids are still not sleeping or why there is mess there etc.

    My kids don’t sleep at night. My son used to sleep at 4 am till he was 3. I used to wake up at 7 am.

    After coping with all that actually working and raising kids all by myself doesn’t seem hard. Only thing is I don’t spend quality time with kids. But a wonder is my husband will make sure he will spend at least one hour quality time with kids. That is the main thing which makes me wonder about my feelings towards my husband. He is such a good father. But why is he sooo irritating and I’ll mannered towards me ?? It has been like that since day one. Only thing is I didn’t realize it. He used to complain and yell at me when I was pregnant and newly married that he is doing shopping for me. Finally I used to do shopping also even when my delivery was the next day. I just don’t get it.
     

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