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Am I Doing Any Thing Wrong?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by lalithasharma9, Nov 29, 2016.

  1. lalithasharma9

    lalithasharma9 Senior IL'ite

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    Friends I had posted a query last week and got good suggestions from you. I have some issues which is spoiling my mood.

    little bit background about me I am
    new mom not working right now and you can find my old post here below.

    Suggestion Needed

    My problem is inlaws are here for 6 months and Mil doesnt talk with me, she only talks if i ask some thing. I feel bad i can see resentment in her eyes when ever she replies my questions. My guess is in past i told this is my opinion if i want to do some things in certain way they r not very big things like she wants me to eat butter milk and if i want to eat curd then i told her l like yogurt so i want to eat it. I think she hates that me telling opinions( This is my guess i dont find any other reasons other than that).
    Now i cook for them, do all house hold tasks alone with out any help still she doesnt talk with me . May be she didnt like my confidence, I never raised voice against her just my tone is little confident but she raised voice against me many times still i answer her in low tone. I worked for a very long time os may be i am little confident now searching for new jobs again.

    dear friends telling opinions to Mil is wrong? she doesnt get along with her inlaws much her Mil never stayed with her, they visit her few hours or day in year amd all these years she has been running house independently now Dils came and tells opinion may be she doesnt like that i dont know. She want me to eat one food as i m breast feeding i observed when ever i take tbat food my baby farts a lot, so i thought that food is not going well with baby( that food is not regular veggies it is made of some thing l) so i told her may be i have that food allergy so i dont want to take it from then she is so angry with me, she says only u on earth is allergetic to that food , she thinks i m purposefully doing it i observed many times when ever i take it my baby farts a lot.

    I dont know i m feeling depressed please help me friends she hates me i m feeling bad. I dont want to tell this to my parents or husband, my parents support me a lot , even if they talk generally she will twist statementd and tell my husband . so they just remain calm,my husband supports me when ever he can but i dont want to take every small thing to him because they are his parents and i remember the sins she always talk bad abt gmil and gmail is almost isolated and i dont want same history to repeat in next generation.

    It is not I am not able to adjust i am able to adjust but her resentment and silence is killing me as if i did some mistake. even i did big adjustments doing every thing for them , i dont want to mention it here in detail but there was a big financial help we did for his family and we had to do big adjustment for that, like for same purpose we did big adjustment and that benefitted his family for same purpose. why will she not rember good things i did? why will she remember only few things which i have different opinon for her? I lost a child and moved on?I didnt blame her for that i feel adjusting money is small thing before losing a child. To my fate i lost job now , i dont have any financial issues but resent ment i could not bear.
    sorry for long post did i do any thing wrong? ofcourse some times i do get angry but i will tell my heart she is a mom i am mom too i have to adjust
     
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  2. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    You know the answer. You are not being unreasonable, and you need to eat what is good for you and the baby. Why are you running around your MIL trying to make her talk? You are just feeding her ego. Start communicating just on a strictly necessary basis, with short sentences. Do your work so she cannot complain about that and then go to your room with your baby. If you don't talk to her what is she going to twist? And if she complains to your husband act innocent.
     
    sindmani, NeetaR and guesshoo like this.
  3. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    Not everyone likes us and it's ok for people to not like us. Don't fret over this. There are so many people to show us love & affection.

    don't go out of your way to please her..but at the same time treat her with respect. Treat her like few coworkers you do not get along with but still maintain professionalism. Thats my 2 cents
     
    sindmani likes this.
  4. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    They are not bad. They are not good. They are just MILs.
    That's a different sect in the society. They get along super duper well within their teams - co MILs.
    There is very less that we can do to keep them happy and to keep ourselves happy - at all times - each day - throughout the lifetime.
    Accept that you are an individual - not her subordinate. Respecting someone does not mean demeaning yourself.

    You will be more peaceful if you have as much less expectations as possible.
     
    sindmani and HakunaMatata like this.
  5. iamsrihere

    iamsrihere Platinum IL'ite

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    MIL being silent is much better than a MIL who keeps talking to you. They will make sure that you some how get irritated with something they say. Thank your MIL for leaving you alone.
     
    sindmani and HakunaMatata like this.
  6. vanithaudt

    vanithaudt Silver IL'ite

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    You seems to be a very matured person. you are handling the situation very well. I kind of think you are not looking for solution. you want us to give you encouragement and positivity.
    Yesterday I was reading Chetan Bagatjs letter to our indian women where he quoted a statistical information that indian working women are the most stressed about 87%. I am sure you and me will get into this group. this is not good for us in all aspects such as physical mental and relationships.
    We got to live our lives. No one is anyones servent. you cant please yourself then how come you can please others. you are doing it right. dont express your feelings to them either frustration anger resentment . be confident calm and composed. people will like you when you earn as much as thir son, copk three food a day and run all the errands. but we cant so be who you are.
     
  7. lalithasharma9

    lalithasharma9 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank u my dear friends for ur support
     

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