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Am I bad for wanting them to leave every second?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Anamika99, Jun 30, 2011.

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  1. Umlaut

    Umlaut Silver IL'ite

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    Something stuck a chord here, so I felt that I had to tell you something. When I was little, my paternal grandparents used to live with us almost 6-7 months a year and the other half with my uncle (he and his family was their favourite). They tormented my mother the time they lived with us. She could hardly spend any time with me and my brother, constantly slaving away in the kitchen, even when she was sick, to meet their endless demands and still be abused by them. Sometimes my mother took out her frustration on me. I began resenting my paternal grandparents and that resentment eventually lead to dislike. Even to this day I have no love for them. Call me heartless if you want but I shed no tears for them when they died. I used to feel very jealous of people who had loving paternal grandparents who doted on them.
    Children are very perceptive. See your son has already realised that you are like this when they are around. Make time for him somehow. Please make sure that your son does not end up resenting his grandparents.
     
  2. arty2010

    arty2010 Bronze IL'ite

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    Cooking2- 3 fresh meals for a full time working mom is ridiculous... are they so old that they cant help at all? Dont they get out of the house at all?...like for walks or something? iam realy feeling what lifestyle they have at this age... having 3 meals and snacks and no work at all.so unhealthy
    As other suggested you may cook for 2 meals together or atesast make dal and subzi and make roti/rice fresh.. that way it will feel fresh as well... when they say make small quantities say you cant since yo have got work to do (sit in fornt of laptop)... or spend time with son on homework or something,,,, the previous generation did not have anything much to do other serve their husbands... even kids were not so important back then...but now with so much of things to do and kids have lots to learn. and kids need lots of guidance during this age and not just good food and snacks.... your inlaws are eating up your time by having unrealistic demands.... so you decide what kind of life you want for yourself and kid?
     
  3. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    Well, i had the same issue as my son did not nurse, I am well passed that stage now. Money is not so much of an issue but their willingness to accept changes is an issue. if i will let go on things and let them do it, they will do happily but as soon as i come home, they will be ready (especially MIL) to point out faults or things i missed. If i keep doign chores then she will mostly keep her mouth shut. yeah I am so going to hawaii as soon as they leave.....but it is just so hard year after year 6 months like this
     
  4. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    Yes i am a people-pleasure by nature. as i mentioned in my many replies to posteres here, I am not afraid that they will thing -ve of me about not cooking in the morning but MIl taking over the cooking so that we can have 'fresh' food and then start cribbing a lot and metally torturing me by finding my faults in other things and kind of the behavior 'not that you do not have to cook as I do it, you are obligated to do other things around the house...say learn new recipes' you know what I mean....

    And stocking up outside food "who knows when it is made" 'how it is packed" "what kind of oil used" all that stuff and they will not eat it and won't allow it
     
  5. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi, chipping in for help from everybody is not an issue but having to do it on their way is. And Leftover, frozed, cook-ahead is not an option at all. MIL will manage to cook if i do not, but then it will entail lots of other cribbing so that is the reason i give in and do it the way they like. DH also helps. If i cook things night before, MIL will cook their own food, but then she will be so irritated that she will start complaining about some of my things. I rather work the way they want due to that. Some would say it will go eventually but it does, i have tried - letting her cook . When I start planning for next day food she will say "why worry when we are here?, i will cook something and you come and finish rest" And the day i forget to plan (which happens rarely) she will never cook and or even plan what to do, she will be like...as soon as i get back "you did not even tell what needs to be cooked today....and i did not know what to do, and it is time for your son to eat,
    and all list of complaints...

    Changing in my pajama....sitting in front of them...IMPOSSIBLE, i was once nto even allowed to eat infront of everybody (luckily that changed!)

    And sitting and going in my room by myself, that will be different kind of taunting going on afterwards
     
  6. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    no it is ok, i do not mind. i see the advnatages of them being here but as i posted in my original post i feel it is shadwoed by disadvanatges i see...let alone for me, but for my son tool. ok, so they love him, feed him and teach him, but i feel emotionally he is being killed as too much micro management and talkign about his faults infornt of him, getting less time from me due to schedule ends up being when they are here. cirtisizing his needs for me etc.

    as far as their sacrifice go, we do not ask for their help ever and ask them to come here. they come as they wish to what ever they are compromising for tha it is at their wish

    about your 3 point, i'd would not like to stay wiht my DS or DIL, i know somebody will think it is easier said than done, but i have so many things planned out for life and on hold due to responsibilites, Iw ill not be ready to take further responsibilites at that stage in my life...

    i agree, there could be good things we are getting throuhg this arrangment but i see bad things are more than good ones

    you are very sweet that you took care of your MIl that way. i would love that too, i just want to able to have my own schedule, privacy and rules in the house
     
  7. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for your input, kindly see myr eplyt o JAG since your suggestions are similar
     
  8. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    i guess youa re right, or probably i m bad at execuating the things i planned...I planned all you said in #1 to % before then came and decided i will do it this time, but could not...i think it is becuase i can't do #6 you mentioned. it is hard to be hard and thikck skinned for me
     
  9. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    o i am sorry. that you have to go through that as well.

    Yes i can;t do pedicure, cutting hair etc ...niot becuase she will feel bad. I have tried involving her and getting her to saloon, she simply won't. MIL has no interest other than 'serving' food...and wishing the same from me. SO if i go, there will be lots of face making and all that afterwards though she says i should go and get it done.... it has happened in past when i took her words for it....it is so difficult
     
  10. Anamika99

    Anamika99 Gold IL'ite

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    yes, i need to do that, need to have courage to implement it and thick skinned to deal with after effects. Unfortunately it goes onf ro long time. I cook and i leave for my pleasure, if i missed to put the plates on dinning table so that they can have thier dinner (not that without that they won;t) but it is like if i left for my pleasure how do i dare miss such a chore at home.....
     
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