am I asking too much out of a relationship!

pebble · Mar 17, 2010

Hi Ladies,

Am married for 2 yrs and have a kid of 10 months. I recently joined back my career aft a gap of 1.5 years.
My problem here is, from the time we been married I always feel we lack understanding in many aspects, i tried seaking to my DH abt it, but in vain. I also told him how we can makes things things work more positively between us, but it failed cos we ended up in an argument and found no solution from it later on. Months gone by yet no solutions things were getting worst like he not helping me with the daily chores and behaving irresponsibly whn i fall sick and stuffs like tht though my inlaws stays with us they never help me, so i end up doing breakfast, dinner and even on weekends no rest or time to be with my kid.
Now the only solution / help I can find is in Indus....
I have been a silent reader of indus for soo many years now and i have changed a lot in my approach on handling things more smoothly with my DH and with his parents. But all my steps go for a waste as my DH feels his parents are his first priority and am jus later he never supports me nor stands by my side even if i am not at fault, he hardly speaks to me after he comes back from office even if he has to speak it would be only in front of his parent and later its jus for sex... Am fedup and thought of divorcing him soo many times as i cant take his arrogant behaviors.
So pls ladies, advice me on:

How to handle my in-laws cos i have learnt tht the more u be good to them the more they would take you to be an unpaid servant (all these saas, sasrea aur bhahoo goodness is jus on serials)

How to make my DH realize my worth & stand by my side and make him stop behaving arrogantly with me?

Also I would like to knw how am I to make him spend more time with me & my kid rather being ONLY with his parents even on weekends.

ps: all i want from my DH is just his time and some understanding so pls advice!!!

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Pebble

Priya16 · Mar 17, 2010

Can you tell what kind of issues you have between you and your in-laws.Anyhow you are going to start job then the interaction with your in-laws may go down.Hire maid for cooking and other work.Don't stess your self.Don't keep expecations that your husband would stand by you.If you have any issues talk directly with them and don't keep inside.That way they know you will blow out.
You guys have any chance to moving out from your in-laws?

ShilpaMa · Mar 18, 2010

Pebble, first of all you cant change anyone.
espcially changing setup of 3 people who've been tog for over 25-30 yrs is beyond question.. as long as you live with them.

1) How to handle inlaws - we're also trying to figure out.. meanwhile... leave them as they're, buy some earplugs & chill out and do things that suit you ... become a chikna ghada types.
2) DH wont change.. change your attitude & dependence on him, find an alternate shoulder not in terms of extra-marital but some forum or a friend or colleague, if he shows lesser ineterest once mention this to him that you want quality time BUT no conversation shud have negatives abu InLaws.
3) On weekends ask your DH to accompany you and child to park.. if he refuses then go by yourself.. when he sees the child returning cheerful & beeming he shall come along from next time... if still not then you wont miss him after 3-4 visits... and his parents will also get bored of him sitting with them whilst you enjoying with the child.

pebble · Mar 18, 2010

Dear Shilpa,

That was an useful suggestion.. i would follow that and would let you knw the impact with my husband this weekend!
anymore ideas.... are also welcomed