1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Am I A Feminist? Even If I Am -is That Bad ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by winterhue, Feb 25, 2021.

  1. winterhue

    winterhue Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    238
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Let me start with a disclaimer that this is not a " I have a problem" thread. It was a very casual conversation that got me thinking and I wanted all your inputs too.
    Setting : I am casually browsing through TV Channels when I get distracted by a phone text. I pause browsing and pay attention to the text. I don't realize that I've landed on a a Malayalam channel and one of its staple "TV Serial" is running on it. Since the TV serial intrigues me a bit, I decide to stay a bit and watch. Husband casually Plops on the couch beside me.

    Scene on the TV : Guy (I understood that he is the eldest of the three brothers) is sitting reading newspaper on the dining table, youngest brother (probably a teen or college kid) walks in and clearly some tension going on between the two. The teen asks particularly to no one " Is there no breakfast or chai today?" Elder DIL (dutiful, submissive, probably apple of everyone's eyes), comes running and says "Oh are you already at the table waiting? I just finished my morning bath, I am so sorry- let me go get your chai" . Elder brother is clearly irritated and impatient both h with wife and his younger brother, when another DIL( wife of the second brother who is not in the scene) whose hand is all bandaged (don't ask me the story , I have NO IDEA) comes in with a tray of chai . Elder DIL's eyes tear up with pride, says "oh. I am so happy you are taking care of the household. Even if I am not around, now I am sure this family has someone around who will take care of them". And that was it, I could watch no further.

    I let out an exasperated sigh and ask (to particularly no one) "So a grown man and a teenager cannot go into the kitchen and make their own chai? An injured DIL needs to do seva? THIS IS WHY OUR SOCIETY WILL NEVER IMPROVE"
    And my husband casually quips, "Well , you have a problem with that scene because you are a feminist. For a normal Indian housewife, this scene would not be such a trigger like it is for you".
    Boom! Mic Drop!
    Am I a feminist? In this day and age, why are our TV Serials so backward? Or is it just me? Am i not a "normal" Indian housewife? Any fellow "Abnormals"?
     
    SGBV, Positivity02, anayasree and 3 others like this.
    Loading...

  2. Rihana

    Rihana IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    10,890
    Likes Received:
    26,425
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    :grinning::grinning:
    Perhaps he meant "for a regular / average" Indian housewife. Maybe you can clarify this with him and report back here.

    More about the 'you are a feminist' later. : )

    He is right about "for a normal Indian housewife, the scene would not be such a trigger." Why? Because:

    In a household of that kind, the roles and hierarchy are well-defined and all are willing participants. The DIL's take care of the kitchen and house, men take care of making money. The responsibility of a smoothly running household is the elder DIL's and she takes pride in it like a working woman does in her job's responsibilities. Like a working woman would half-apologize to a fellow-worker for being late on an update or response email, she does to her family for the delayed chai. She is the "mentor" for the younger DIL and hence proud that her mentee is doing well. Mentors in the corporate and academic worlds know how rare it is to find mentees worth the mentor's time and effort.

    Injured DIL doing seva - let it be left to her judgement whether or not she can perform her duties with the injury. When Serena Williams and Kerri Walsh win championships or gold medals while pregnant, they are applauded. No one will criticize them for playing strenuous sports while a few weeks pregnant. Similarly, if the DIL is willingly doing her kitchen work with an injured hand, so be it. Let's not get into pregnancy is not an injury wala funda.
    About feminists and what is abnormality in an Indian housewife ... maybe later. : )
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2021
    sangiak, Mistt, Positivity02 and 3 others like this.
  3. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,978
    Likes Received:
    5,140
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    My husband would have been served a glass of cold tap water for a week if he made a comment like that. Served over his head, I meant.
     
  4. winterhue

    winterhue Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    238
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    All valid points Rihana. And it absolutely gives me perspective.
     
  5. Agathinai

    Agathinai Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    232
    Likes Received:
    359
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    No, it’s not like that mostly as far as I know nowadays atleast with the circle I know. Doesn’t happen often. I just laughed at the scenes and it’s a typical Indian serial backdrop which occurs in almost many TV serials. These kind of daughter in laws are portrayed like very obedient, absolutely devoted to their husbands no matter how much they are ill treated by their husbands or their in laws. Sometimes watching them makes me so upset about these portrayals and I would have blurted out my disappointments often.

    Regarding feminism - if one voicing their displeasure in making the women being portrayed as subservient without any self respect is called feminist so be it.
     
  6. Swetha52003

    Swetha52003 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    74
    Likes Received:
    121
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Winterhue, you are absolutely normal... abnormal are the tv serial ones :)... Most of them ( at least the ones I know) talk about how in-laws family is taking advantage of them, how we need to play tactics when deal with in-laws unfair intrusions... I think most of todays women are smart, winterhue... They don’t serve and most of them are not looking for the gold medals from in-laws... but then there are the unfortunate ones.. maybe the tv serial is about them :)... But if they are happy serving in life ( or serial) no need to worry, after all they are the apple of their in-laws.. If they are not the apple of their in-laws and husband still after serving, then there is a problem... I feel sad for these group of women actually..
     
    Lalithambigai, winterhue and anika987 like this.
  7. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    831
    Likes Received:
    861
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Male
    The most important thing here is that it is a Malayalam channel; we all know how keralites and bengali's challenge the limits/boundaries of conventions and delve into human foibles like no other cultural group in desh.. ......In this story too there are three brothers and two of them have wives, whereas the third one apparently doesn't. However he is also being taken care of by the other two. I could only RFLOL...:roflmao:

    The OP couple have to watch more of that serial and report back on the developments.... It might turn out that there is no lessons for feminism... but something totally different.
     
  8. brahan

    brahan Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,763
    Likes Received:
    883
    Trophy Points:
    208
    Gender:
    Female
    :roflmao:
     
  9. winterhue

    winterhue Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    238
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    That is actually a great idea. I've read somewhere that as we gain experience in the world, we start sympathising with a lot of these "villain" characters in the movie because we TOTALLY get why they are angry :) Maybe this is the start :)
     
  10. winterhue

    winterhue Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    105
    Likes Received:
    238
    Trophy Points:
    93
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks for that reassurance :)
     
    Swetha52003 likes this.

Share This Page