All This. For What?

You really really had it rough. I did not face this treatment at school because as I said, I was way too inert. I was lazy, but after father's treatment, I became the "good" kid, exceptionally good. In the house, I was the older one, so it was kind of mixed, I used to bully my brother, sometimes he used to dominate me. Sometimes I feel very sorry for him though, I could have taken more initiative in stuff. He expected me to behave like a big brother, he was looking for more support which I unfortunately could not provide. It is another matter that a kid with limited freedom can't really do much, but he did make use of his limited resources, so I am to blame. The problem was my father did not like his own family, every sibling of his treated him badly. His oldest sister became a widow at a very young age and his mother showed all her frustration on him. I inherited all his frustration. I was thinking of it yesterday night and I felt I am going the wrong way again. I forgive my father because he was sick at that time when he was rough on me, he had high BP and nobody was aware, including himself. Added to that was his freelance status. He always looked at me like his son, not daughter and tried to me bring me up accordingly. No special treatment because I was a girl. And it's not like he did not pamper me. We never faced any financial crisis due to God's grace. My father took care of us. There were times when he showed a lot of affection. He was a responsible father. Just that he behaved really weird at times. A severely depressed person. If I look back, I think whatever happens, happens for the best. It is better to accept things the way they are and keep fighting, keep living everyday.

 

Yes Satchi, that's true and it's sad. Abuse was considered normal then. And you had horrible abuse for a child. Irony is the parents had it on the same level - if not abuse, gross neglect. Imagine being given responsibilities like an adult for a small kid. I too don't touch my kids, it is mostly verbal. But I feel sad for that too. But it's also very true that my kids are 100 times more responsible for themselves and they are more affectionate to each other. Hopefully, we can do a better job.