All This. For What?

Satchitananda, I have been there, done that. Unfortunately, other than marks, there is no tangible measurement of average and below average in our education system, especially in India. We are living in such a situation. As far as learning other skills is concerned, the truth again is that most parents don't have the resources to invest in other life skills, that is the harsh truth, to provide a good education is a lot for them. Most parents, especially the "successful" ones simply keep rubbing their ideals on their children. That is still fine to an extent, but what is not fine, when some other kid seems to be doing better, the parents go into depression. The teachers do that too. That is bad. At the same time, to give the idea that it is okay to take it easy on marks is also not good. Get the marks, put your best, but don't go to extremes is my opinion. My classmates would go to the extent of accusing the teachers of unfairness and partiality to get that one extra mark. I was a big noble lady, I would not even ask, even though it was totally fair for me to question the teacher. My situation was like that. I used to hate my father for not signing the report card for not arguing with the teacher. But if I look at it now, I think it was my flaw, to learn to fight without crossing the limits is a skill, not just study, keeping quiet is not a virtue. Comparing with peers is not a good idea, one should network to know where they stand in the crowd, but not become complacent that they are better than peers, nor should they lose faith in themselves because the peers are doing better. For that, the parents should be strong enough to let it go if a kid doesn't do quite right according to them. Most parents never do that. My father not signing the report card was fine, but constantly comparing me with my peers was his mistake. It came down to "I am fine today because I have done better than xyz", not the right attitude at all. Motivating the right way is important, providing the wrong motivation is bad.

 

Dear Satchi,

It is heartwarming to see many parents in India now recognize the fact that there are many paths for a child to succeed other than academic. Mostly, people in the business use the education as additional skill and let the children inherit the business in some cases, if the adult children are interested. Particularly, there is a generation of people all over the world focus their attention to sports, entertainment and media as possible options. In situations where the adult children at the age of 18-24 make a ton of money in sports, entertainment and media, the life skills and character the parents helped them build comes very handy for them.

Viswa

 

It is observed ,more than fathers, mothers take the lead in bringing up the kids and it is the unreasonable expectation set against the children that leads to suicidal tendencies in many cases.Many mothers learn lessons only when it is too late.Even in foreign countries, in districts and states populated by Indians, and Chinese this seems to be a problem.Even in Singapore schools where Chinese are the maximum this trend is there.I have seen mothers talking loudly amidst all parents about all this reasonableness,curbing the tendency of comparisons etc etc.Once they come home, all the fine principles vanish into thin air ,they become too daunting saying that after all it is in the real interest of the child.
But definitely we had a much happier time.Even upto 1975 matriculates had some opportunities in some Govt organization.In India problems started for children born in 1970s. This Engg and medical craze started only then.There was software boom .For the past ten years unemployment is soaring.No qualification is sufficient.For a handful of jobs thousands write the competitive exam and those who crease the palms of higher ups or politicians take the lead.
People who swear that they can be self employed, things are not so easy. Banks ask for so many documents or collaterals for sanctioning a loan of a few lakhs.At every stage of business and getting licences, corruption is ruling.
It is an irony that when people had around five or six children, they were able to make the children complete the school finals and get a clerical job in some dept.In due course they rose in their ladder and got a reasonable pension for their old age.Now one-two child norm is common.We are unable to bring up the children as per demands of the society.Smaller, the family,more complicated is the problem.All these communication developments prove to be more a nuisance, though we cannot underestimate the advantages.
True, there are many choices for studies.But the irony is, no course can guarantee a reasonable job.The satisfaction stays only upto getting admission in some course and invariably the prospectus printed on the courses is too lucrative throwing so many opportunities.Agony starts at the beginning of the final year.No graduation level course offers good employment and in the event of not having a job, we can't keep our children idle and they join some post graduation course.Result, we see many jobless post graduates wandering .They fall a prey to many vices followed by depression.Average middle class families feel the pinch all the more.Fixing of marriage alliance also is not that easy.
With all these we thrive having hopes aginst hopes.I actually pity the present day mothers who are well educated, know the negatives of strict parenting,having an eye on the children roaming with mobiles,with availability of wifi in each instrument. No less is the plight of children.In a world where no qualification is great, no skill set is sought for on a long term basis,what will the poor girls/boys do?We cannot place the blame squarely either on parents or children.Changing of the long established values which had been proved to be successful for around 100 years is very difficult.
Change is the only unchangeable aspect in life and everyone without exception has to fall in line.I think this is a period of stress for both parents and children and we have to get over the tide.This also shall pass.
It is said that when one door closes, many other doors are open and we fail to see the opened doors.Let us keep our eyes wide open in every angle possible to locate even if there is small gap.

jayasala 42

 

I don't agree that mothers alone put pressure. It could be both. In my case, it was my father who motivated me. My mother's pressure was a different kind. I am very grateful to him because he taught me so many things. At the same time, I resent a lot of things - comparing with other kids, feeling depressed and making me depressed when someone else did better. Not taking my side when it mattered most. That said, I owe him a lot for whatever I am today. If not for him, I would never be where I was. Although I am not on talking terms with him for some personal reasons, I still love him and I am proud to be his daughter.

 

I was actually agreeing with you. I was saying that you were saying what I wanted to say too.What happened to you was nice( because that kid was lying ), for me it was different. It was comparison of salaries, etc. My father's involvement was very much direct. I cannot complain because had it not been for him, I wouldn't have even been in a state to complain. He always, always wanted the very best for me. The only thing was the physical abuse in the form of discipline. Probably, I want to vent out, but he poured all his frustration on me with a lot of passion i.e., beatings, I was not a good kid, I was the rebelling type and I was all wrongly tuned and inert. I am slowly learning though. It feels weird to me that being the daughter I got more of his beatings than my brother. But then my brother was one smart Alec. He just escaped them with tact, I was obviously not that smart.