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Aiyo swamy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by Balajee, May 23, 2015.

  1. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Mr,(or is it Ms) Memory is a very naughty guy (or gal). The way he/she plays tricks on us cannot be foreseen. Many people have suffered travails ranging from becoming laughing stocks to getting almost lynched thanks to Mr.?Ms memory.

    Take the case of an uncle of mine he had come from south when I was a kid and was staying in my aunt’s place. For some religious ceremony they needed wood. And there wass no one available to go to the shop that sold coal and wood. As a desperate measutre my aunt told the 100% Hindi challenged guy to memorize the word lakdi and go to the shop and ask for a certain quantity.


    The uncle crammed the word down his throat and was chanting it all along the way to the coal yard. Soon he returned home empty handed gasping for breath. When he was asked what happened he said he had gone to buy wood and asked for ladki (dear Hindi challenged it means a girl) and was rudely shown the door. With the shopkeeper and his minions muttering something angrily in Hindi.

    “I am sure they would have said the old man is too horny for his age” said my dad laughing.
    “Horny?”

    “What else do you expect if you ask for a girl?” At last wisdom dawned on uncle dearest.

    But some people don’t learn their lessons and uncle was one of them.. Refusing to be beaten by the national language, he made a faux pas once again. His host’s family needed sugar candy and he offered to go and buy it and refused to be accompanied by some Hindi knowing person.

    The dear uncle returned with a bagful of red chillies instead of sugar candy because he forgot the word he had memorized- Misri and instead asked for mirchi..
    Looks like memory is fishing for bigger catch now in place of hapless uncles. The latest victim is the great Dr.Subramanian Swamy.
    SS( I am using an acronym because of his mile long name don’t confuse it with Nazi storm troopers. Insinuations that this SS is quite similar to that one are not welcome) was presiding over a wedding ceremony of a BJP worker somewhere in Tamil Nadu. He was supposed to hand the mangalsutra to the groom for him to tie it around the bride’s neck. Instead poor SS almost ended tying it himself!. He was stopped in the nick of time by a party colleague.

    I wonder why the absent minded ex-professor was invited to preside over the wedding. Probably because he is the only BJP honcho who has nothing to do. Everyone is busy running the party or the government. Only SS has lot of time in his hands except when he is issuing statements against all and sundry. Woe betide the media house that doesn’t carry his words of wisdom. There is every chance that he would demand that the editor in chief be penalized for smashing the glass on some window while playing cricket as a kid.

    Oops I am off on a tangent! Let us get back to our subject . Now, what would have happened if SS had tied the mangalsutra around the bride’s neck. In my view nothing. SS is married and must have been immunized to the disease called in-law plague during his long marriage.. An extra set of in-laws wouldn’t make any difference unless the first Mrs.Swamy comes calling with a rolling pin.


    The problem would arise only if memory ( I have given up racking my meind about memory’s gender) plays such a nasty trick that Dr.Swamy ends up tying the mangalsutra around the groom’s neck.

    Hat would be followed by a collective gasp followed by screams. With quite a lot of people invoking the almighty.Before you could bat your eyelid SS would have become a gaty icon. Despite himself with his party leaders faces turning deep purple.


    Digvijay Singh would lose no time in coming up with a statement. “ I aappeal to Dr.Swamy to come out of the closet”. SS , the master tongue lasher would ignore Singh and express doubts about the proclivities of Diggy’s lord and master .”He is so pretty that the people are bound to have doubts.”


    Gay activists would swarm the residence of the new icon and SS would plead that he is a decent god-fearing Hindu fundamentalist and straight as a ramrod.


    Media mostly chewring cud would pretend that they hav something solid to sink their teeth into. Arnab Goswami would jump up as if he had boils in his rear roaring ”He turned a groom into bride and now wants the country to believe that he is not gay. Why doesn’t he admit that he struck a symbolic blow for same sex marriage?”

    Congress Working Committee meets fearing that BJP would hijack any possible gay vote bank and decides to take countermeasures by asking its gay leaders to undergo same sex marriages.
    Unwilling to offend either gays or straight people as they were potential vote banks Mulayam Singh Yadav issues a cryptic statement? “: Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls”. AAP asks people not to be fooled by Swamy’s act as it was a sinister conspirary to undermine the democratically elected government of Delhi by making gays withdraw their support to it.


    As politicians and media have a field day until the next non-issue comes into sight, the ordinary Joe as usual suffers from memory loss about our politicians extravagant pre-election promises.fulfilling the expectations of our netas who have unflinching faith in the collective short memory of the hoipolloi..
     
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  2. Kamalji

    Kamalji IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balaji,

    You know what, now SS will gun for u, and gun for you, surely, so be careful. Yes he has no kaam dhanda, and now Amma will gun for him for he used to gun for Amma.

    i think he better leave chennai if he is stationed there.

    And he always has a dreamy smile on his face, anty botox job ? i always get that feeling.

    HAHA

    Regards

    kamal
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    Balajee, I must say, your imagination does have a proclivity to run riot. Oh no! Not complaining. All its sojourns into all these directions give us hilarious moments of :rotfl. Enjoyed reading every bit of it. :-D
     
  4. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Kamalji SS knows me pretty well and we have met a couple of times. It is better for him to stay in Chennai. if he reads the blog and comes to Delhi there is every chance that he would gun for me.if he reads this thread. ,
     
  5. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Satchi, hope my imagination runs riot more often.
     
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  6. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    My husband went to calcutta to attend a family function in his brother's house.He is over careful. He has written the names of vegetables in Tamil as well as Bengali.One by one he read the name from the paper.
    The vegetable vendor laughed and said in Tamil"unakku enna venum,sollu,naan thamizhk kaaran thaan.( What do you want? say in Tamil. I come from tamil nadu only)

    Aiyo paavam Swami!He might not have had experience of Reformed marriages.Normally in weddings only the pundit( sastri) will hand over the mangala sutra to the bridegroom.So the senior citizen was a little bit confused.Balaji, you should have consideration for all these facts before plunging into criticism.
    His intention might not be to tie the thali.This is a rare opportunity to have a look at a young bride with all smiles from a close quarters.Who would let off a nice chance!Let him enjoy!Why are you jealous/Next political wedding will be presided over by Balaji of IL fame.

    Jayasala 42
     
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  7. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Political weddings? Sorry I am very apolitical. and I wouldn't risk tying the thali around the groom's father-in-law's neck. BTW I attended one such wedding. They invited a politician (TN neta of course) to bless the groom and he gave a long speech threatening his oppponents that blood will flow and heads will role. Very auspicious speech no doubt at a wedding.
     
  8. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

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    Aiyo Balajee, Balajee, Balajee!!! Wasn't there one whatsapp message floating around with pic where someone, a minister (?) was about to tie the managalsutra around the neck of a bride. May be it is what you speak of. I think he tying the knot should open the doors for gay rights what do you think? I do know of a story where a poojari tied the thali that she had brought for God to her and wedded her ..... :( Talking of languages, when I speak Hindi, my almost 80 year punjabi neighbor feels I speak text book language (that's how I learnt!) and like your uncle when I was in chennai as a kid, I was sent by my uncle (!!) to get green chillies with the word "paccha....." and I said the word right bu the shopkeeper in a jiffy asked me if I was from a different place!!
     
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  9. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Balajee,

    I am glad that your uncle came back safe after asking for Ladki in New Delhi. Red chillies instead of sugar candy? Your uncle must be a laugh riot for your aunt and her family. I saw the video of Dr. Subramanaia Swami and frankly, it looks like he doesn't apply his head for something as routine as giving Mangla Sutra to the bridegroom. For him to use his brain, it should be complicated enough to file a suit in the Supreme Court.

    Your imagination of him tying the mangla sutra around the neck of the bridegroom and the responses from various political leaders are very humorous. You have studied the politicians very well. Even when conservative Catholic organization could agree that there is space for compassion towards gay people as they have place to participate in the world mission without changing their conservative views, why should Indian conservatives accept them as they are? I guess most of us would agree to be normal to gays and lesbians as long as they are not part of our family and politicians are no exception.

    Viswa
     
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  10. Balajee

    Balajee IL Hall of Fame

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    Sabithat that must be Subramanian Swamy I think No he is not a minister. He is too much of a hot potato for Modi to handle and I don't think he would be made a minister because of that. (Recently Swamy even threatened to take his own government to court on some issue or other). you see I was living in Italy for some months years ago. , I did look like a southern Italian and speak the language fluently. Yet when I opened my mouth I was exposed as a foreigner. When I asked an Italian how he found out he said" Simple you speak grammatically correct Italian!"
     

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