1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

After Fight Solved Out

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Prabh, Apr 3, 2019.

  1. Apr 3, 2019 #1
    Prabh

    Prabh New IL'ite

    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Back To Zero..please Help

    Hi

    Thanks for replying to my previous post mentioned above with title "Back to zero "


    My husband and I had a patch up after a week of that big ugly fight and he started talking to me after I told him and asked him that divorce is not an option and we had a normal conversation.
    He also discussed about how ugly was a fight and we are only living together because we cant tell our parents that we cant love together and for our kids as well

    I told him I will work on my nature and will not come to him again and again.
    He left the my family group after fight
    After solving few things and talking I added him back he talked to my mother also this weekend normally after 1 week of fight and solving it

    But the issue is he is talking to me normally but not discussing any thing of his office his daily life etc only we talk about my things which I share or our kid things that I share. He is not touching me in a way he used to say by to me while going to office and give me a Hug now this is only me who is doing this and he is not responding and just saying by take care.

    I am getting irritated of this behaviour after he leaves for office. I discussed this with him and he said it's up to him he doesn't have a switch button that you switch it on and off after a fight.
    I understand after a time every person deals with the things on his own way so I am giving him time but it's been 2 weeks
    I am loosing it sometimes and feel likes not to touch him and give him a hug but at the same point feels like I should not leave it atleast.
    I am confused and I am not sure what's running in his mind.
    I indirectly told him it hurts me and be normal and let's start like friends this time.
    I know our relationship has seen lots of these fights and he is fed up of this due to this but he is caring and loving man and honest man so I really miss him now days
    I am feeling lonely and I dont want to discuss again ab the fight and how I am going to avoid these in future because dont want to remind him of these things.

    Please guide how to deal with this kind of strange behavior after many fights he never stopped daily conversation or normal hug but this time I can feel the emptiness when we are in same room and just eating together nothing to talk when I have lots of things to say.

    Thanks
     
    Prabh, Apr 3, 2019
    Prabh, Apr 3, 2019
    #1
    Loading...

    Similar Threads
    1. mirrorimage

      Handling Male Ego After Fight

      mirrorimage, Aug 6, 2021, in forum: Married Life
      Replies:
      4
      Views:
      1,722
      Patientone
      Aug 11, 2021
    2. SuiDhaaga

      Fight Fire With Fire, Fight Anger With Anger

      SuiDhaaga, Jun 23, 2021, in forum: Poetry
      Replies:
      2
      Views:
      441
      SuiDhaaga
      Jun 24, 2021
    3. Prabh

      Huge Fight And After Affects

      Prabh, Jun 18, 2021, in forum: Married Life
      Replies:
      7
      Views:
      1,735
      MalStrom
      Jun 18, 2021
  2. Apr 3, 2019 #2
    senorita2019

    senorita2019 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    413
    Likes Received:
    739
    Trophy Points:
    173
    Gender:
    Female
    this is normal, people take time to come to normal. Just because you snapped out of it fast, you cant force him to be like you. The only person you can control is yourself.

    Instead of waiting for him to touch/hug/kiss, why dont you break the ice by passionately kissing/hugging/saying something very loving so he will come out of it and be normal. If you need love you have to increase your dosage of love.
     
    senorita2019, Apr 3, 2019
    senorita2019, Apr 3, 2019
    #2
    Afresh likes this.
  3. Apr 4, 2019 #3
    Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    6,683
    Likes Received:
    11,158
    Trophy Points:
    440
    Gender:
    Female
    What does he do when he’s angry? Does he never get angry at all? Or is this only the expectation from your end?
    Looks like you have tried and every time you lose your cool he uses his silent treatment to actually take it out on you. Have you considered some kind of counseling. This sounds like you are walking on egg shells daily by not making him give you the silent treatment. He is fine if you don’t argue, if you do, he treats you coldly and comes out of it only in his sweet time. Doesn’t seem like a comfortable situation to be in.

    Have you tried ignoring this and going around your merry way? I think by giving it undue importance, you are reinforcing the behavior. Try to treat him normally and go on with your life. Don’t add him back to the group the next time he leaves. It’s a WhatsApp group after all. How important is it for you to have to beg him to join?
     
    Laks09, Apr 4, 2019
    Laks09, Apr 4, 2019
    #3
    Afresh likes this.
  4. Apr 4, 2019 #4
    Afresh

    Afresh Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    526
    Likes Received:
    901
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    This is what i also think, you need to develop some interests outside of this sensitivity to how he behaves all the while.
    Maybe you could work on a long forgotten hobby or try and develop a new one, to divert your mind. Once you give up, he'll see the control he has on you by engaging in silent treatment slacken , he might resort to other measures to make it up with you.
    Maybe , he likes to see you walking on egg shells all the time, or maybe , he just feels badgered and pestered all the time! Either ways , if you could use diversions to take it easy a bit, the situation might improve, as @Laks09 has pointed above, why do you have to ensure his being in the Whatsapp group ??
     
    Afresh, Apr 4, 2019
    Afresh, Apr 4, 2019
    #4
  5. Apr 9, 2019 #5
    Prabh

    Prabh New IL'ite

    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Senorita 2019

    Thanks for always giving a hope and a day of light
    It's been 3 weeks now after the fight and he is normal and more caring in last week in terms of my food my kids etc

    But main problem lies here is he is not willing to have any physical relationship I mean nothing not even a single touch or hug.
    I tried communicating like you are not giving a hug while leaving for office and listened well and his response was may be any day if I feel like.
    I tried and initiated but my bad luck all the time.
    So I just thought a lot and my mind is unable to judge him or understand him that how he is behaving .I understand men take more time sometime than women to come out of shell but how he started everything very normally and we are happy now in terms of day to day life.

    I am confused how to proceed with this for physical intimacy I am thinking to give a pause for sometime so that time can may be heal something but at the same time I am confused that he will drift away from me more..
    I am keeping a normal relationship with him apart from physical ones.
    Just for info in past we shared a loving and normal physical relation as well but after fights sometimes he took brake and stop initiating but was into it if I did.
    But for now it's completely no from his side.
    I am not able to understand his mind set and that's making me feel like for whom I am working towards in this relation I am not sure he will be back with me or not.

    Please guide me to deal with this dilemma.
    Is he only taking care of me as his responsibility or just to be with him in his home as a mother of his child.

    I am seriously from my heart and mind poured everything in front of him but now I have no words.
    Please guide
    Thanks

     
    Prabh, Apr 9, 2019
    Prabh, Apr 9, 2019
    #5
  6. Apr 9, 2019 #6
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,512
    Likes Received:
    30,284
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Initiate physical intimacy if you feel like it, want it, and if the mood in the house seems right. Not because you think 3 weeks have gone by or that he might drift away if you both are not intimate.

    Going by what other women post here about their husbands, looks like he is being quite reasonable and is listening and willing to move forward positively. It was a biggish fight, the D word also came up and was ruled out as an option, there was some drama around whatsapp. It will take time. He rejoined the group (many people, men or women, would not rejoin), he is back to normal in most things.

    He listened to your feelings about the absence of physical touch and said this about a hug: may be any day if I feel like.

    That's pretty good progress. Let time do its job.

    Find ways to let him know this without putting the pressure on him to get back to hug/touch. In this fight, he is taking longer to get back to a full normal. So be it.

    You know the ambiance and situation that leads most often to you guys getting intimate. For example, for some people, it can be a lazy weekend afternoon, after a late lunch of delicious home-made vegetable dum biryani with special raita, and a nap, and the toddler away at a play date or down for a long nap. Hopefully the example is not too realistic in the attention to detail or recall. :yikes:
     
    Rihana, Apr 9, 2019
    Rihana, Apr 9, 2019
    #6
    Amulet and Lalithambigai like this.
  7. Apr 10, 2019 #7
    Prabh

    Prabh New IL'ite

    Messages:
    35
    Likes Received:
    1
    Trophy Points:
    8
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks so much Rihana

    I am so thankful to you for such a positive response .

    For the time being I am also thinking to just stop intimating till the time we both feel like.
    We are really happy parents but I am afraid weather we will be back as happy couple it not.
    I am no seriously not able to understand how can a man behave in a certain way tagt he can shut one door for women I mean can avoid one thing and rest he is happy with us.

    It this could have been normally happened than I would have been not emotionally disturbed but now I am emotionally disturbed as It happened after a fight.

    Anyway I am seriously trying to make a peaceful life but it's hard to get control of emotions

    Thanks again


     
    Prabh, Apr 10, 2019
    Prabh, Apr 10, 2019
    #7

Share This Page