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Advice too many issues

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by nikkinikki1919, Jan 18, 2010.

  1. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Nikki.. just ask your DH if this is a family trend & if he was concieved with his grandma on the same bed as his dad and mom.
    If ur well educated & with good family background then I guess this is too much to handle on a daily basis.. talk openly with your DH.. probably drop a mail to his with all your concerns & then take a call.

    Also mention that her insecurity abu elder son leaving the house should not affect your married life.. when ppl have more than one son most of them can live independently except 1.. that family's life becomes like a single son's family.. however what you quoted is an extreme case.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 27, 2010
  2. nikkinikki1919

    nikkinikki1919 New IL'ite

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    ShilpaMa:
    Thanks for your reply,Thats what exactly bothers me ,why does she judge me according to her relationship she shared with her other son-DIL
    There is always comparisons,taunts and yes she slept in between us i mean not the whole night or something ,but she does sleep
    Bottom line you got to knock on ne ones door before entering
    She just barges in my room,and this is not the case with the other son-dil
    She will give her respect and space,as the other dil will not see where or whom she is talking to she is arrongant and replies back to my MIL there itself
    She has always taught my hubby not to listen to wife and if you start listing you will no listen to me...or care for your family,
    She has to know each and every thing what goes on.
    When we go to india..she will sleep in the same room in the night with us
    and keep on patting my hubby or cuddling him...like a mom offcourse
    BUt u dont do this when his wife is around.
    She beahves differnt in front of him and diffent when he is not around
     
  3. Cool1

    Cool1 New IL'ite

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    Why are some mothers like this.I mean if they really dont want there son to have a wife then why get them married.
    Did you speak to your husband about this? Your MIL sleeping in between is not tolerable. My MIL did this once I bluntly went and told my husband that I wont entertain this. When I ma dead or not aroundn you go ahead but not like this. When your MIL joins you guys, see to it that she has a different place to sleep.If mother-son want to be together, ask your husband beforehand if he wants to join his mom,if so then he can go and join her rather then she coming.Do not sleep in the same bed if your MIL is there.Let your husband ask you "whats wrong ??"
    I also hate such embaressing questions about married life.Just ask your husband if he would entertain such questions asked to him by your mother.
    I have faced this issue of mother-son being extra close and trust me when they dont understand you need to speak up. Open up and bring this out.No point in entertaining all this and suffocating yourself.Other financial issues can be straightened later.
     
  4. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Niki,

    I blame your hubby equally for all this weird behaviour from his mom. Dont you see that ? How can a grown up adult like him, just allow mommy to sleep in between or whatever when his spouse is around ? I mean sounds silly. Even if she insists, doesnt he have a say ?

    If he is being such a meek guy, then you either start saying things you dont like or tell your MIL that she just neednt interfere too much into your lives. Period.

    You need to be bold. You cannot keep feeling bugged about the way you treated.

    Why do you even leave the door unlocked.. ? If she bangs, take your time and open. Ask her what the big deal was about and who was about to die ?

    Niki, sometimes, people dont understand manners. Then, you either teach them or stay away from them. What she ' teaches ' her son, is not an issue.. What her son understands is the crux ! He needs to have sense of his own. How can he just get brain washed when he has thinking of his own.

    Talk to him frankly as to what he expects out of married life and you. Lay down your thoughts as well. Tell him, you have self respect and wouldnt like it if people poked their nose into your life. Now, your life means you in particular and also when it si related to him. What he does with his mommy or what he wants to listen to, you dont care. But can he be a sensible husband using his OWN BRAINS , you ask. As far as he doesnt mess up your relationship with him and just do things without brains, you are ok. Else, you will have to talk.

    Put your foot down and dont take nonsense unnecessarily. It is not about respecting elders. It is about respecting yourself first !
     
  5. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    This whole sleeping together ritual makes me sick.. why dont you ask your dh how he will feel if you are cuddling at night with your daddy and hugging your daddy all the time ??????? I am sure he will vehemently oppose it.

    Just create a mental picture for him and let him see it... nice and clear.
     
  6. nikkinikki1919

    nikkinikki1919 New IL'ite

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    i did try that he says so what he ur dad
    and the fact that he thinks there isnothing wrong is physically showing ur love.

    he dosent want me to talk about ne thing regard to that calls me sick mind
     
  7. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Dont say it theoretically, show him practically. Sit on your dad's lap or hug your dad and then ask him.
     
  8. nikkinikki1919

    nikkinikki1919 New IL'ite

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    Well well I have not accused my MIL and DH of illicit relationship
    yes it ok to kiss,your son.but just about anywhere.
    Suddenly the emotions overwhelem..somebodys naming cermony wedding etc etc and public show begins of kissing on the forehead,cheeks etc
    And if we hold hands its PDA
    If we sit together...we just cant get enough of each other
    once its ok,but what about all the time watching a movie he is supposed to sit besides my mil.

    Answer me nandhu.A person can give benefit of doubt once
    there has been many occasions..that has left me to believe she is not happy about me been in her sons life.she treats me like not his better half but like the other women
    where as i was her choice as well.
    Now we are not suppose to spend time together in india.n worst come if he spends time with my family

    she excepts him to be all day and days with her
    she will make programs for him

    its easy to be judgemental about others condition.
    Believe me its not easy
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 21, 2010
  9. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    I seriously object to ur MILs behavior..It is not affection towards her son..If it is affection then why not with the elder son..ur MIL is trying to humiliate you by behaving like this..Nikki, do u see a connection - she asks u details of ur sex life and then barges to ur bedroom on the pretext of cuddling ur husband..That means she is extremely jealous of ur relation with ur husband, Her jealousy is justified coz she said that "u mean nothing to her son"..This statement is her desperate attempt to belittle u and ur importanceto ur DH..If u let this continue she'll ruin ur life..Your husband also doesn't seem to be matured.. I can suggest a few things to u -
    1. Try to convince ur husband that this is an attempt to humiliate u
    2. Get a job for urself and become financially independent
    3. Try to damage ur MILs relation with ur husband (I know this is unfair but neither is ur MIL fair to u)
    4. Ignore her taunts and comparisons
    I believe she only visits u ppl in USA,try to limit her visits..
     
  10. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    This lady is gross.
     

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