Advice please

Lovelydoll,

first of all please stop feeling sorry for me...and I will say the same to you too...stop trying to feel sorry for yourself. **it happens with everyone, its ok.....sane ppl get up, clean up and move on thats all. Insane ppl sit there thinking, brooding and wondering why it happened and they try to keep raking the same stuff over and over again and it leads us no where. There has to be a point where it all ends.....either in a good way or even better way (I wont say bad way here on purpose)
Even in your case, try to do all possible things first with him to get him on track......even if it means giving up your ego and bending if you think he will understand and gets better......if not, then you will be in a better position to decide the last resort with no hard feelings whatsoever. See with me I have honestly tried everything and now i have very least guilt or even remorse and I am at a position where i can answer myself, my kid and stand with face up in front of even God maybe. I am not saying I have not committed mistakes or sins, I have...but I have reasoned it out and taken steps to make sure I correct them and never repeat them again. I very well know that no one is prefect, we all make mistakes and being human we should learn from our mistakes and move on.....no point in saying sorry and keep repeating same things or even worse things like in my hubby's case.
So with me I am taking this whole 10yrs as a boot camp to learn so many things for my future ahead:thumbsup. It gave me an opportunity to learn and deal with different level ppl..which is good for me right? Where else would I have gotten this great chance surely not at my parents place.....where I would have been understood well, loved and cared always.

 

NB, dont you think it is that behavior of yours that may be irritating him more, that you behave as if he is not existing.? That is human pscyhology... A person can get crazy with someone who is stubborn. JMO.

Also your story is very confusing, when you get strong he gets weak and falls on feet? I can say that it is definitely a personality problem going around with you guys too.... The unfortunate part is we meet someone who is so much opposite to us and attract but when it comes to living it is very difficult....

How does he feel for his kid? Does he love his DD. How old is your DD. I feel it is important that kids get a enviornment which is not hostile esp when they grow up as lot of stress can build up on them...


PS :But since you say you have tried and concluded that it is not going to work with him, better to find sanity away from him

 

Tridev,

I dont want to hijack OP's thread but in my case hubby leaves me confused too with his behavior. See If I be normal and try to talk nicely...he says bad things like u are behind my a** and what not...this is not new....this has been like this...or else which hubby would live a wife alone crying in the hotel room in an unknown country on their honeymoon that too just one week after their wedding??!!!! earlier I used to put a smile and digest all of it and try ways to get him on track. He has never seen a normal balanced relationship maybe....his dad was an abuser to his mom all through....and hubby has seen that and learnt it on how to control, demean, disrespect and treat a wife like a doormat and has even gone to extent of hitting me several times. But at the same time he seems to have forgotten that I am not like his uneducated, financially dependent mother who had no choice in life. Now atleast he does not harm me physically after I have taken some steps to ensure that.
You are right that a person gets crazy when he sees someone so stubborn, but dont I feel bad when he acts so cheap and mean when I am trying to be nice to him and his family? Dont I get crazy when he demeans my whole family for no fault of theirs? Dont I feel bad when he says bad words to me in front of DD for just trying to be nice with him? Dont I get crazy when he backstabs me by playing some cheap tricks without my knowledge which I dont want to discuss here. I came to know from some outsider about his doings and that was when I confronted him, he cried and fell to my feet and said he wont repeat it again!!! But all in vain....it only was good for 15days to a month....he was back on his usual self once again...till date. What should I trust in him then? his usual self or the crying thing which can only last for 15days?
So to avoid any further of those things I chose to live like this to maintain no arguments at home and also to preserve my sanity....thats too after so many years of taking all that nonsense. Its like he is always trying to see ways to get me to the keechad rink.....I had read it somewhere that "if you try to argue with a fool, he will get you down to that level and then beat you"...so dont you feel its better for me not to go down that level at all.
Anyway DD is so used to all this now...she has seen it long enough to understand whats happening...and before it gets too much on her I want to try and silently get out of this mess.

 

NB & lovelydoll,
i hope you can get out of the mess.

 

This is all like the stupid-tamil-serials-on-TV. Unsustainable way of life and extreme drama. You should make some decisions on how to go forward in such situation in life.

 

Yeah spiderman, and thats the main reason I am trying to be like a tough nut and making myself even stong being with him itself, so when I separate I am all set to be even more stronger and better control of my own life It sure is like a TV serial....you know there are some desi neighbors (Hubby's friends) who enjoy this live serial thru hubby in the pretext of "helping" him and they even tried to put more mis-understanding in it all. And that stupid hubby of mine does not see it and infact thinks they are more priority than his own wife and kid:bonk....what can i say. When I confront him with the details, he agrees with me, but then he does the same things. So I have concluded that he is incapable of even seeing who's right and whos wrong...he surely needs some serious professional help according to what I have dealt with him.

Shrikala,
Please dont try to relate mine with yours...you are still in early stages of marriage...so try and give him benefit of doubt and analyse the situation well. With me he left me crying after an huge argument for some silly stupid reason that happened during the wedding. Also at that time I never reacted, I forgot it the moment he came back and moved on or else we would have not seen today right and I would not be standing in the fork of life deciding which path to take.

 

NB, sometimes through some ones experience even OP can learn a lot , so digressing a thread may not always be true.. But anyways...it seems you have been through too much pain in the marriage and so your DD. why was he so bad with you on honeymoon? why he left you crying? why he says you are behind his a*** if you are being nice to him.

And when you try and be bold he gives in ., oh,, its such a mess....

Better you find sanity...out sooner than later....

on a side note please start a thread if it helps you more that way we can discuss more there if you feel the need.

 

Yeah its sure is a mess. Anyway from y'day discussing more of all this is making me feel so low and left me feel all alone and weak. So I better stop discussing my situations here. I have already spent enough sleepless nights, I dont want to do that anymore.
Now all I need is some counseling to keep my strength and sanity....no point in discussing why, how and when etc.