1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

Advice Please

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by innoc, May 22, 2010.

  1. innoc

    innoc New IL'ite

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi All,

    I am new at this site though feel after reading the forums there are many people like me.

    My inlaws are really weird people. In front of my DH they become real nice to me, I am working mom though with 2 kids and the 3rd on the way. For my last 2 delivery they had come but instead of helping me to recover they came to make sure their son was taken care of. I have 2 daughter so the pressure 3rd is for a boy which hopefully would be a boy. Now I am working mom who is trying to manage the house, cooking, cleaning, kids, inlaws and a pregnancy. They expect me still to get up early to make food for them for lunch, different for their son and she never bothers to ask me if i will be having lunch...just always have u done this for my son or not. Then everyday they have plan that i come home and take them out to mall where they go shopping and my inlaws will act like KID in the TOY Store. After getting tired from office then take them out and come back they expect a proper Indian dinner and I tell them to ask their son to take them to mall oh he must get tired from office and then driving so much like I am not human being.

    The other thing with 2 kids and the expenses we want to save for 3rd one also but they have weird demands that today they like this and tommorrow something else. If my DH tells them anything they dont say anything to him or in front of him but when he is not around they will be on the blah abt funds and we are not saving properly or living properly. There is so much waste happens like buying some processed foods which is not good for kids. I should be preparing everything fresh and should get more early and all

    I am getting tired of this double facing.

    Please advise
     
    Loading...

  2. parvathi1980

    parvathi1980 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,137
    Likes Received:
    1,306
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I think u need to discuss ur problems with ur dh...Tell him that you find it extremely tiring managing so many things esp. in your condition. Be calm and i am sure that he will understand.Try to chalk out a schedule for their entertainment with your dh. I think you are giving your in laws more imp than they deserve and not discussing problems with ur husband.

    Why are your in laws so particular about the child being a boy or a girl? Are they so conservative? What does your dh think about this? Plz discuss this issue with dh as well. In today's age such a distinction shud not be made. Daughters are a real blessing!
     
  3. Peace777

    Peace777 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    20
    Gender:
    Female
    You are just being too nice with them, even though its clear that they are not being nice to you. What if you tell them you are tired and that you cant come to the mall? What if you ask your MIL in front of your DH that can she cook today as you are not feeling very well? You just need to stand up for yourself and for your baby's sake. You need to be happy, not frustrated at this time. Whats more important for you - your inlaws or your baby and family? As parvathi mentioned you should also talk to your DH and ask him to ask his mom to cook. Maybe he can ask her that he wants to eat a special dinner or a special dish that mom makes very well. Please avoid being alone with them, as they are making it pretty clear that they dont like you. I took a lot of crap from my ILs too, but once they made it pretty clear they dont care about me, my DH or my marriage, i stopped wagging my tail for them.
     
  4. innoc

    innoc New IL'ite

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    HI



    Thanks for your wonderful advice. I tried talking to my DH and he is stuck on one thing that my parents are always there for you as they for your previous delivery so you should need to grateful to them. These minor issues you take over. The issue is that I could not call my parents because my mom is bed ridden in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:place w:st="on"><st1:country-region w:st="on">India</st1:country-region></st1:place> and she can’t come. If I say anything to them in front of my DH they make it big fuss that I complain too much to my DH and they will blackmail him with something that he sides with them. He only sees them on their best behavior. For mine and my baby sake I started stay late in office but then the issue is if i get home late she keeps telling me that what are you doing, you are mother you need to care for your daughters, I did this and that for my kids. Even though she does not understand she had all the help in the world provided to her. She always had 3 full time aaya in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">India</st1:place></st1:country-region> and who would take care of kids and the house and she was just directing. They sometime don’t understand that in this country we don’t get any help everything is on us.



    I don’t know what to do my DH doesn't listen to me when they are here and they are very conservative that we should have a son to carry the family name and all



    What else is solution except for me to wait the time when they leave here for <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">India</st1:place></st1:country-region> for couple of months.
     
  5. Peace777

    Peace777 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    126
    Likes Received:
    3
    Trophy Points:
    20
    Gender:
    Female
    Innoc, did you really have to call your ILs? I dont have kids yet, but i am quite certain that i wont call my ILs for delivery. I want your opinion - is it necessary to call someone for help from india even if they are devil's right hand?
     
  6. Menku

    Menku Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Hey girl !

    Firstly why did u have to speak to ur hubby about it....Very simple rule is if ur hubby had to see things he would have seen them and understood them...the fact he is not seeing anything is that he doesnt want to see it and acknowledge it.... My hubby was the same and his family used to do the same..... be all goody goody to me infront of him and talk crap to me behind his back..... He never believed me cos they never behaved badly infron of him and I was the DIL from hell cos obviously I kept complaining. Instead I stopped involving him and sorted my equation with them when he was not around.....and nothing happened infront of them...they kept on complaining to my hubby about it and he was not able to do anything cos when I used to complaint he used to turn a deaf ear, so now in this case I just refuse point blank that I said anything cos it did not happen infront of him....Secondly when they expect u to take them out, just tell ur hubby that u are nt feeling well.... and cant go anywhere.. I dont know how is ur hubby with u during ur pregnancy ???? When they complain that u should not be using processed food, say to ur hubby that can he please help with chopping vegetables during night time cos his parents dont think its a good idea to have processed food..... TRUST ME when he will need to do extra work he will spat the dummy in few days or else if he is happy to cut the vegetables then let him to do and u also njoy fresh food :)

    I by far sound the most cunning DIL on this forum...but at the same time I am also shocked what has this marriage and dealing with people like my inlaws done to me :)

    Cheers !
     
  7. innoc

    innoc New IL'ite

    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    1
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi,

    Thanks for your advices.

    To answer your question I did not want to call them for my delivery in the previous 2 buy my MIL insisted in first kid that since my DH is their only son, this is their first grand kid and all emotional stuff that convinced my DH to invite them to stay with us for 4 months.

    During that time I was released from hospital on 5th Day and she wanted to do all the Indian rituals of namkaran on 21st day. On one hand she said that I should not go out or meet people and let anyone meet the kid she did not let any of friends also meet both of us as in front of them we are not supposed to step out of the room but when no one is over then she would ask me to make the breakfast and make lunch so DH can take it to work and make their lunch also and feed them properly as I am bahu and all. Due to so many of he demands and stuff and keeping me my busy I could not feed my first daughter and she had an excuse it is girl so that is fine and had to feed her formula since she was 10 days old.

    For my 2nd one they thought we are having a boy so it is big deal and they came and the same story happened.

    Now they will make sure to tell the world how nice they are all but at home i know what is going on.

    I may have to try becoming cleverer. The other issue is if I tell my DH to even put the garbage out as it is heavy and in my situation not allowed to lift any heavy items. She will say till I am here I don’t want my son to do all this and he needs to relax as he has to go to office and work. Though my hubby is desk job unlike mine which involves lot of travelling. She will not let him do anything and then again ask me it is your house you need to take care of this and if I say anything she starts bad mouthing my parents and all.

    I am very frustrated with her.

    Thanks for your suggestion in advance
     

Share This Page