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Advice please

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by akruti9, Apr 29, 2010.

  1. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Hello all,

    MIL interferes so much in life. I am seriouslya nd vigorously looking for jobs myself and also trying to have baby as if whatever clicks first I am happy. But my MIL is torturing me to the core. every time I call them or if my DH calls her her constant and only one question will be what am I doing? Am I started working again I was working in a small job 6 months agao. Now I am laid off and no job.Am I trying to conceive. IS there any news. what does she do all daya t home.:rantI tell you I am very much frustrated with her. why does she involve so much in my life. I call once a week to them and it' lawyas the same old stuff.MY DH also lsitens to everything saying yeah she is trying for jobs yeah we are trying to conceive and all. I don't understand, ofcourse everyone wants to have a goos income a family but everytime same ols stuff??? they ahve just few questions with them. when are you coming back to India for good? when my DH is chaging his job since they feel that his income very less they want him to earn more money. In thi job market they want tehirs on to quit a full time nice job to a job with more money. when will I start earning? when will I conceive. Why my parents are not showing any respect to them. that's it. my life is revolving around these 4 issues. I am totally fretting out. Please help me out.
     
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  2. Vidya21

    Vidya21 Senior IL'ite

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    There's your answer in your own words. :thumbsup

    I'm sorry, but they are the parents. If they are taking an interest in your lives, it is only natural. I realize it can be irritating if someone pushes you constantly into something that is not working out for you, more so when it is not working out as you expect it to. But it is entirely in your hands whether or not you let your life revolve around it.

    You have 2 choices:

    1. If MIL is the mature kind (that I doubt after reading your previous posts!), tell her that her questions centered on progress on these two issues stress you out, and make it tougher for you to deal with them. If she wants to be supportive, tell her not to worry, that you and your DH are trying your best to work it out. Tell her to support you through this by not constantly reminding you about the problems. Then, when you do speak with her every time, just fill her in on normal tid-bits from your day, and look at her concern in a positive framework, instead of considering her questions as interference.

    2. If she is not the mature kind (and you are that mature kind) ignore these questions and look at YOUR bigger picture: Are you content with where you are at in your life right now? Is your DH content? If yes, ignore what she says. Are a few questions really going to make or break things for you?

    Goodluck!
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2010
  3. 1dropLove

    1dropLove Bronze IL'ite

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    If I were you I would crack jokes whenever she asks something irritating.Maybe tell her "I do this and that prayer(some special kind of prayer)to conceive from 4am-6am then i see so and so program to get some knowledge on pregnancy,conceiving (with timings) and then i surf the internet :bangcomp:for best positions :tongue,the right kind of food,the right kind of mood,right kind of atmosphere...lol and then i pray again for my satisfaction or whatever and after that i take out my pregnancy test kit to check if i've got the result...blah blah,just keep on blabbering.
    make a huge list ,as irritating as her ques.and tell her for job also you are doing such and such prayer and tell about the prayer at length,even start reading it from net to her until she puts the phone down.
    Start taking these things very very lightly and gradually she'll get frustrated with your replies.Have a hearty laugh after you put the phone down,not in front of your hubby ofcourse.Sometimes when my MIL says something that irritates or comments,i find myself trying hard not to laugh...may be cos my mind is always upto some funny comeback.
    If this doesnt work for you,then just like her be prepared with such an answer which wont let her say a single word more without you sounding rude.
     
  4. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Akruti,
    I had similar tough time few yrs back and I chose to not to take their calls and not to talk to them on regular basis.. would just wish them for a min or 2 on special occasions then hand the phone to DH... my DH has no control on what his family speaks so I chose that I dont listen to their queries anymore.
    He chose to keep mum and not pass on interrogatives passed by his folks to me & preferred to call or talk to them when I wasn't around.

    In old age questions become repetitive, if current ones get resolved then there's something next, even if they dont do it with the intention of irritating it does irritate the person who already wants a job/ baby/ money & peace. Earlier they would have irritated their own kids with same questions now they find pleasure in dogging around DIL and be lovey dovey to their own child.

    My best wishes to you once again, you'll really appreacite your achievements when you get them.
     
  5. sansmomy

    sansmomy Bronze IL'ite

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    Akruti,
    If their questions irritate you, then you have a choice to keep your communication to minimum with them. E.g. Out of 4 calls being exchanged between your home and ILs, you talk for only 1 or 2 calls, so the irrittation can be reduced.

    At least you are not staying with them and have a chance to avoid them...I have a friend who stays with her DH, FIL, MIL and MIL's MIL...when they decided to extend their family, my friend's MIL asked her about her periods due date....and after that every month on that particular date, she will wait for my friend to come out of the bedroom in the morning and will ask her (in front of other family members as well as the maids around) that 'Did your periods start?' and when she used to say 'yes' then both her MIL and MIL's MIL will make faces and rush to pooja-ghar to pray the GOD....Morever, on other days, after dinner, her MIL would litterally hint her to rush to her bedroom and would instruct on 'not to waste time on watching TV, reading or surfing but to do something "fruitful"'.....Can you imagine, how irritating this could be? I mean, such direct hints and that too in front of everyone, is bit too much....anyways, finally my friend concieved and have a beautiful baby girl now...

    I guess, you are better off than my friend :) So, Chill...:):)

    ~S.
     
  6. akruti9

    akruti9 Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Vidya, 1droplove,Shilpama Sansmommy thanks a lot for your reply.

    Vidya, My MIL is ofcourse not the mature type. so yeah as you siad I should just ignore her.

    1droplove I bursted into laughing after I read your post :rotflyou know what I don't have to tell her that I am doing so and so prayer, my FIl and MIL would they themselves will tell me do this type of pooja in this time . Put deepam in rahu kala and do fasting and do all this stuff and that. my FIL is like do hanuman chalisa for 108 times you will get job.Frankly speaking I do like doing poojas but at my leisure and with my interest. I was a girl who used to pray for only mental peace and for no material possessions. But now a days going near god is like only for asking I want this I want that. There is a whole big list now. Thier own son and daugetrs don't do this much of poooja as I do. they also know that but still they like to keep on nagging me. they love it.

    Shilpa ma YOu are right they used to torture their kids when they were small. Now no one is listening. They try to do that now with their daughters son and Son inlaws no one listens and the only person on this earth who has to listen to their crap is their only DIL ME.:hide:
    He chose to keep mum and not pass on interrogatives passed by his folks to me
    My DH is also exactly like your DH. He neevr interferers on whatever his parents talk to me. he just listens and also makes me to listen.

    Dear Sansmommy even though I don't stay with my inlaws I too face question like your Friend. MY MIL also calls me asking" Did you get your periods" When they were here 2 years ago, we were not even planning that time and she used to ask me are you guys doing SEX. Since I don't get it HE goes to room early you go after one hour Coz I used to entertain them . Can you guys believe it? She does not knwo where to put the lintis. That talking with DIL regarding all this crap.:bonk I tell you It's really irritating but thanks to you guys. Earlier I used to just sulk in my Misery but I have just made my Mind and applying to whatever jobs I get. I am not bothering if it is IT or what. I am applying to teller and admin all types of jobs. I have postponed the House plan. If I have to get any Iwill. and also the kids things. god might have thought some plan for me. So I have left everything on him and I am at peace. But I tell you guys even if I make myself how to live pecefull my MOnaster inlaws won't like it. they live in misery daily and expect the same with everyone. No positive outlook in life or anything. dealing with them is like a big torture for me.......I am not getting how to take their tantrums in a positive way??? If you guys have any new ideas then please I would like to take them.......PLease tell me......:bowdown
     
  7. Vidya21

    Vidya21 Senior IL'ite

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    Ha ha! My MIL was sort of like this to me a few days after DH and I got married (although she did this when only the two of us were together - thank goodness for that!). I found it rather endearing that she was so anxious and yet open with me about these intimate things. We are pretty close now and we do talk about anything under the sun. But that's just us. :crazy

    Totally in your hands on how you want to look at it. To save your sanity, you can only hope to keep a sunny attitude in the face of their well meaning, sometimes obsessive-compulsive behaviors :).

    Good luck with the rest of it!
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2010
  8. tinku

    tinku Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Akruti,
    I go by what Vidya21 and 1droplove said.
    Try what they have told. It might work.

    Also keep ur contacts with them to the minimum or avoid talking regularly.

    Ur DH can say tat u r taking bath or gone to shop or on the phone with an interviewer etc.
     

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