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Advice needed in a critical situation

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Booni, Sep 18, 2014.

  1. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Finest Post Winner

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    Please dont turn this into a man versus woman argument!

    I am not justifying her action at all. If a woman reported this about her h I would advise her to leave him, move out, be safe and divorce him. But to react like this? What happened to basic dignity? She is the mother of his kids, his wife and dependant for 8 years. He could not remember that is it? He has every right to want to end the marriage if he so chooses. But why was simply moving out and filing for divorce not even an option here? Why such an over-the-top reaction? Why could he not have done this in a civilized way? He lives in a society where 50% ppl cant get along and get a divorce. The courts dont even require a reason--'mutually irreconcilable differences' is good enough reason to grant a divorce. And yet this is the path he chooses to take. Hmmm....
     
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  2. 1Sandhya

    1Sandhya Finest Post Winner

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    I agree. But I think op's friend's h is the kind who want to eat his cake and keep it too. see, what was bothering me is what will he get out of doing all this? Other than watching her suffer, beg and plead.

    What does Texas law say about alimony to a fully dependant housewife with no job? Plus child support for two kids. Normally if kids are that young the mother automatically gets custody at least in my state. I think he calculated it all out ( or got expert advice) and realized the potential child support and alimony will cripple him. So he decided to give her the fright of her life, as a bonus courts will declare her unfit and grant him sole custody, she goes off to India or to jail --either way not his responsibility. Bringing his mom immediately to take care of the kids, who does that? -- this is a well thought out plan, not spur of the moment. OP's friend and lawyer need to prove that, or threaten to prove that and make him come to the table.

    May be I am wrong, but I feel it is worth it to OP's friend to ask the lawyer about the ramifications of this.
     
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  3. Booni

    Booni Junior IL'ite

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    Ok.. I will look into the points and act accordingly
     
  4. Booni

    Booni Junior IL'ite

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    The incident(arrest) happened on 8th. The argument was the day before. He booked tickets for his mom on 9th. So it "appears" it's not planned. But we never know. We told this to lawyer. I am afraid of husband googling randomly and stumping upon this thread and will know her next move. That's why I am unable to disclose what the lawyer advised today. Let's see. I will keep it posted. Unfortunately after all this we are talking so much, getting so much anger and stuff. But the friend - defendant is so "naive" doesn't read much, does not watch much, or does not even communicate enough. She has done engineering!
    I know no one expects such things to happen and will be prepared. One can't become smart overnight. But nevertheless after suffering so much struggling so much how much anger you will have inside you. Won't that anger reflect when you talk? But she talks just like a woman in a tamil mega serial(she watches them).
    Infact due to this I am super mad!! I am losing temper! My husband only controls me.
     
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  5. Booni

    Booni Junior IL'ite

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    The incident(arrest) happened on 8th. The argument was the day before. He booked tickets for his mom on 9th. So it "appears" it's not planned. But we never know. We told this to lawyer. I am afraid of husband googling randomly and stumping upon this thread and will know her next move. That's why I am unable to disclose what the lawyer advised today. Let's see. I will keep it posted. Unfortunately after all this we are talking so much, getting so much anger and stuff. But the friend - defendant is so "naive" doesn't read much, does not watch much, or does not even communicate enough. She has done engineering!
    I know no one expects such things to happen and will be prepared. One can't become smart overnight. But nevertheless after suffering so much struggling so much how much anger you will have inside you. Won't that anger reflect when you talk? But she talks just like a woman in a tamil mega serial(she watches them).
    Infact due to this I am super mad!! I am losing temper! My husband only controls me.
     
  6. Booni

    Booni Junior IL'ite

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    Even this morning with lawyer whatever questions he asked her she kept saying I don't know. I don't know. I answered and so did my husband. We were present in the meeting. It's Unbelievable. I told we will go you talk confidential matters with lawyer matters. She said no there's nothing like that. She's not lying but saying that a silly act has become such a humongous problem for her life now due to the cunningly acting husband. He also has given some contradictory statements from his side it seems. So until he can prove it, he can't win this case.
     
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  7. Akanksha1982

    Akanksha1982 IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, tell her that law is not emotional. It just goes by the data. The more data she provides the lawyer, the more help the lawyer can give her. She should not judge how minute the data is. Include everything. If the husband has asked her for dowry (directly or indirectly) inform the lawyer. Any incidence of pinching, hurting, forced IC, verbal or physical abuse should be noted and reported to the lawyer. Was this an arranged marriage or a love marriage? Can elders people in either family help to resolve the issue?
     
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  8. CoolPie

    CoolPie Silver IL'ite

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    What a cunning move by the husband. My heart goes for your friend. I can only say that she has to be very very careful while speaking to lawyers, her h and in the court.

    May god bless her to be united with her kids and husband again. She must not loose her kids.

    To to win a court case,

    You out can think I am mad posting this. But maybe it works out. Pls try this link.
    How To Get Success in Court Cases - www.memorymuseum.net

    whatever humans could do, can only be done.
     
  9. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Your friend has unfortunately landed in a serious pickle. Regardless of her husband's role, she will be branded the attacker since she brandished a butter knife. It is sad that she let herself be goaded into doing this, but it's done.
    She will need very good legal representation, especially since her husband has turned hostile. If she is on a temporary visa or even a green card, her ability to stay in the US could be in jeopardy.
    Tell her to wake up, smell the coffee and act smart, for her own sake.
     
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  10. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    OP,
    If your friend was in a severely abusive and volatile relationship for years, she would have a lot of emotional scars. Even an engineer can get bogged down and psychologically impacted by long term abuse. If she is trivializing the entire thing, either she is guilty or she has been conditioned over the years. If it is the latter then she maybe a truly battered woman. She may need some counseling to get her emotions sorted out. Has she thought about talking to a counsellor?
     
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