Advice me please...Im in helpless situation!

bsamsung6 · Jul 3, 2012

Hello Everyone,
I am really in a tensed and confused about my married life.
My DH and my father fought in the intial days of my marriage and had a big fight btw them(as my dad questioned him abt his business).I am unable to stop this and I am unable to support anyone on this.
As I havent spoken anything when my dad is askign something to my DH he is very angry at me that i havent supported him.
I am the only kid who can support my parents in anything as my sibling is physically challenged and totally depends on my parents.
Days passed on after this and we have a wonderful kid(still my DH hates my father).
So many distrubances happened btw us because of this.Apart from this,he takes care of me well with minor issues which happens in every marriage.Whenever we get an issue about my parents there creates the tense environement.
My parents were not coming to my place after all this (moreover its not possible with my sister).
Im visiting them along with my kid for 2 or 3 days whenver there is an event or something.
He always blames me that I wont interact with their people well (By nature Im an introvert and it takes time and cant mingle well immediately).
Im trying to be with his people even if he is not taking care of mine.(Im not sure how can I be closer with their peopel when he is not?).
But Im very much interacting upto the extent I can...
Now the situation turned out to be in this way that he is not allowing to take my kid to my mom's place.He wants me to go but not the kid.
I felt very strange about this and discussed with him and had a big fight.He said whatever you want you just do dont tell anything to me.
So intimated my inlaws and took the kid for an event at my parents home and came back immediately.
He shouted a lot on phone and said take the luggage and go away.
After coming home we went thru a serious fight infront of my inlaw.All silence...nothing went on after that.
He seriously said to his father he cant live with me...even I said in that anger I cant stay when u people dislike me in this way.
Next all Silence....two weeks crossed....
Still no talks...I jsut tried to talk but he ignored....I talked something about the kid he responsed something thats it...
I dont know whats going to happen...Im really confused....
Do I need to completly ignore my parents and stay back with my husbnad or what shall I do?
I am unable to put the kid in risk by leaving my husband(i feel I cant live without him) and cant leave my parents as well.
I really feeel depressed and don't know whom to discuss on this and even planning to go for some marital counselling.
Friends pls advice me something...your responses matters a lot for me.

bsamsung6 · Jul 3, 2012

awaiting for the replies...

Priya16 · Jul 3, 2012

How long have you been married????Is that fight was legitimate??Does your husband had issues with his business as your dad suspected????
How about your dad???What does he say about your husband???Is there anyway you dad can come and talk to your husband???Is your dad still angry or mad on your husband???

Kid belongs to both of you.Even if your dad in same situation where he can't respect your husband then fallow your husband that you just go by leaving the kid at home.It takes time for him to get our of the EGO.

as you said you parents also not visiting.it's two way thing and not one way.So if you wanted to visit your paretns,you go by yourself as kid belongs to both of them and you need to respect your husband too.

Simplicity11 · Jul 3, 2012

To a certain extent, your husband's anger is justified.
When you were getting married, whatever questions were raised by your father, it must have hurt his ego. Just like we (wives) expect our husbands stand for us when our in-laws question us, he was right in expecting the same from you. Anyway whatever happened, you guys eventually got married which means your father accepted him as his son-in-law. Now he desrves that respect and place in their lives as well. If you go to their place to attend any event, he should be invited too. Your parents should call him on occassions, try to visit once in a while and treat him with respect. Even though it's difficult with your sister, it is possible to have cordial relationship with him, if efforts are put.
Imagine yourself at his place. What if you had taken offense in something your in-laws would have said to you and you would expect your husband to say something and he didn't. Later he continues to visit them along with your son, leaving you behind. I'm sure you won't like that. That's exactly what he is feeling at this moment.
Efforts need to be put from both you and your parents to amend this, before it gets too late. Start with yourself. Give him respect and love. And then gradually tell your father to call him once in a while and invite him over and treat him well. And if your father is not ready to do it, then for the respect that your husband deserves, don't go to your parents place once. Miss attending an event and tell them that I will come only if my husband comes. That way they would put in efforts to make things right.
Good luck!

MaritalBliss · Jul 3, 2012

I agree with simplicity.

Attend events only when DH allows...after marriage husband is more important..just listen to him..after some time, he may cool down and let u go for events with yr kid.

He shld be invited for events...due respect shld be given to him as he is the son in law. Not sure in what context was the fight he and yr dad had but his ego has been hurt...

hobbes83 · Jul 3, 2012

Just my two cents.

Why is your little son's privilege of enjoying his grandparents' company being taken away from him just because your dad had a fight with your husband a few years ago? I don't know the intensity of that fight, but can't you try and talk to your husband & your dad, get your points across softly and make them forget the whole thing?

It's natural for any parent to question the future son in law's character and livelihood before sending away their daughter with him, I guess we won't realize that until our kids are about to get married someday. It is also natural for your husband to feel bad, maybe your dad meant well but his questions seemed offensive at the time. But I'm sure this can be worked out since [from what you have written], the whole thing seems pretty innocent which has been blown out of proportion.