Adopting a child darker than the parents?????????

Then, welcome to parenting. This is what relatives believe their job is: to constantly pick some fault or the other with you, with the child, with how you parent. Between you and me, this is only going to increase with every passing day of parenting ;-)
You state here that you dont personally care for what your child's complexion is. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
FWIW, I know families here in Chennai where the child is darker than the parents. And yet what I see is only the bond the mother and child have. Enjoy your babymoon. Good luck.

 

I think it totally depends on how you deal with the issue with the adopted child. I mean, if the child is informed about being adoption from day 1, like Ansuya's quoted example, you shouldn't have any trouble with relatives because they obviously know about adoption.

But, if you are planning on not telling the baby about adoption, be a little careful about specifics like hair color, eyes color etc while filing the application itself.

Anyway...its no guarantee what kind of color they grow up to be. Because both my biological parents are fair and I was born almost milk white. But now, I am really no way closer to that whitness I had once up on a time :rotfl

 

Hi!,
Skin color and looks really won't matter once the baby comes into your lives. In fact, you will even forget he/she is adopted. And if you tell the child as well your relatives that the baby is adopted then it won't be an issue at all.
However, there are a few people who will love to remind you that your child is adopted and that u behave in a certain manner towards him/her or she has certain looks just because she is adopted and keep on comparing your child only to other adopted children and not to all children. I have learnt to strictly avoid the company of these people. But there are some people one just cannot shut out from our lives. For these people you just have to be very firm (and polite, if possible). My child (she is adopted) was once compared to a beggar's child by a close relative. I had to tell her point blank that I would not tolerate such comparisons in future and if it continued our relationship might get affected. Thankfully, this kind of discussions stopped immediately.

 

Hello Dear

My husband and I are more than wheatish fair and our daughter, my little darling is a tad bit on the darker side...People just come and say...ohh she didnt get your colour...and they say it everytime they see her...Its unfortunate that we live in a society like that where they cant enjoy being with the baby...and would rather look at the colour...

However, you as a mother should have the audacity to say to them, that niether of us (your husabnd or you) care for her colour, and that you are sure she will be a fine human being anyway...Also let them know that you feel proud to have grown out of the disparity of colour differences...

Good Luck to your decision...

 

It is not uncommon to have a fair colored parents having dark color baby or vice versa. There is nothing in color. We need not be afraid of the society. If we feel whether society will say anybody they will be saying anything. If we act boldly and face them boldly society will not interfere with us. THERE IS A SONG "VAZHNTHALUM ESUM THAZTHALUM ESUM VAIYAGAM ITHUTHAANADA . SO DONT WORRY ABOUT THE SOCIETY.
RAMAVYASARAJAN

 

I adopted an African American child who is very dark, then I got pregnant and my son is has a colour all is own due to the fact that I am Indian and his father is African. Children of all races are beautiful and skin colour should not be the factor when you adopt a child.

 

Dear SBRB,

More than what the society, relatives and parents, it is more important to consider how would the child react after growing up when he/she compares his/her skin color with that of the parents. To be truthful, an adopted child will start reasoning the difference in color as soon as they grow. Either the parents may have to take a hard decision to communicate that the child is adopted or develop a strategy how to address this question. To my knowledge, many parents with fair complexion have adopted children with darker skin in the past and what matters is how they bond with each other. Parents will have to develop a skill to make the child not conscious about the difference in color with his/her parents.

Viswa

 

Hi,

I think you should be happy that you have adopted a baby. irrespective of the relatives n friends comments. dont worry about what they tell.
the color, looks shouldnt bother you. i have watched few of my relatives kids who were darker in childhood and once they entered college and marriageable age, they were wheatish complexion , fairer than what they were to be in childhood..

Enjoy your parenthood... these moments wont be back again.....

 

Think of it this way friends. It is not that dark kids are hated. Most of the parents are eager not to tell the kid that she/he is adopted. It is a very sensitive issue. So if the kid is darker than the parents and totally does not resemble their features people might comment openly about it and if the kid hears it might hurt him/her. I myself have seen a relative's adopted daughter. Both the parents are fair skinned and the kid is dark and does not resemble them. It is obvious that the daughter was an adopted one. The parents have decided not to disclose this to her. I specially want to mention about a college mate of mine who grew up believing her grandma is her mom. Only when alliances came the fact was revealed. I still remember the trauma she underwent after knowing that the person she considered her sister was her real mom. As far as I have heard the adoption agencies take the photographs of the parents and give a kid who resembles their features and complexion. This was many uncomfortable situations can be avoided.

 

Is this a real thing? Can you actually not tell an adopted child that he/she was adopted?

In this day and age, is this practical, feasible, compassionate, and in the best interests of the child?

Perhaps this is besides the point of this thread. Or, perhaps this should be the point. Why go to such great lengths to hide this piece of information? Adoption is not shameful or harmful. In fact, it is a honorable, truly humane act that should not be hidden like some dirty secret.

There should be a fair bit of pride involved in letting a child know he may not have been born to a family, but he was specially chosen by that family. It is not this fact that would be traumatic, but the child finding out later that he was lied to would definitely be. Adoptive parents have a duty to their child to be honest as soon as a child is able to understand this concept (that is, as early as possible).