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Adopting a child darker than the parents?????????

Discussion in 'Adoption' started by SBRB, Sep 19, 2009.

  1. SBRB

    SBRB New IL'ite

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    Guys, here is a question that keeps bothering me and i really am not sure of the answer!!!!!!
    Is it really Ok for a couple to adopt a child who is quite dark than the parents???:confused2:
    i dont know whether i m projecting myself in bad light by asking this question............i know of a few couples who have adopted kids from agencies but the kids are very dark as compared to the parents.........somehow, it leads to unwarranted questions and stares........
    i know people in US etc. even go for inter-racial adoption, but i guess we indians are still trapped in some "morality" chains!!!!!!
    adoption, as it is, takes a lot of strength and bold decision on the part of the parents in india.........is it not advisable to go for a baby whose skin colour matches with that of the parents so as to smoothen the process of adjusting?????
    at the same time i do feel bad about selecting or rejecting a baby....after all , who are we to reject god's creation???? also i dont want to go for an adoption that will always make us uncomfortable.........
    now thats a dilemma that i need to decide upon........:idontgetit:
     
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  2. shakambari

    shakambari Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I heard some agencies themselves give the couple a child

    which sort of matches the parents color/eyes/hair etc.

    In India acceptance is smoother in many walks of life if they ressemble

    each other.
     
  3. lesasue86

    lesasue86 New IL'ite

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    Think like this, many fair parents get a dark kid so here is the reply. People might ask you in the begining but when they know they won't bother any more.
     
    sindmani likes this.
  4. tikka

    tikka Gold IL'ite

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    Seconding Shakambari, I think most agencies do try to match features (not just skin tone)...
     
  5. sumanr

    sumanr Silver IL'ite

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    Agree with Shakambari and Tikka. I have seen my cousin who adopted in Chennai. She is very fair, but her husband is quite dark with chiselled features. The kid is pretty park, but most people comment that she looks just like her father !! Yes, she matches his features too!!
     
  6. tiehxoxo

    tiehxoxo New IL'ite

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    Adopting a child darker than the parents is not bad. For skin tone is not a big deal in having a happy family.
     
  7. Thensivakumar

    Thensivakumar New IL'ite

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    Hi everyone
    I have adopted a girl baby legally who is darker than my husband and myself. But I dont feel for it unless some relatives comments about her colour complexion. When we see the baby's growing activities we can gradually forget about all those things.

    Thenmozhi sivakumar Trichy Tamilnadu.
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. Thensivakumar

    Thensivakumar New IL'ite

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    In our agency they didnt give the baby by matching the colour of myself and my hubby. When they showed the dark baby, I didnt know how to reject the 1month baby reasoning for her colour
     
  9. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Then you don't. Simple as that.

    Are you adopting a baby for you or as to what the society might think? Think.
     
  10. Ansuya

    Ansuya Platinum IL'ite

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    There is a white American couple on our street who have adopted two Ethiopian children. Now, Africans come in all different hues, and these two children are quite dark-skinned (think Alex Wek, the Sudanese model). The girl was about 9, and the boy about 5, when I first met them a year ago (they had just been adopted then). The boy was always smiling and happy-go-lucky, but the girl seemed subdued and a little troubled to me.

    Now I look at them a year later, and they're both beautiful, well-adjusted children who play happily with all the other children on our street. I understand that there may be cultural differences at play here, but I also think that if this couple can make it work with these children, what's stopping adoptive Indian parents with adopted Indian children?

    Maybe if we stopped allowing colour to guide our thinking and doing, it would stop making such a huge difference in our lives. In my experience, there are far more important indicators and dynamics that we need to worry about in interpersonal relationships than whether, like upholstery or furniture and wood floors, we match each other in shade and tint.
     
    2 people like this.

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