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Adjusting To Married Life With In Laws

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Shivika992, Oct 11, 2019.

  1. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    It is too soon op.

    Stop comparing the way they treat you and sil.
    They will never value the two same. It is the unfortunate truth.

    You let them take her opinion in their family affairs but not in your life or your life with your husband.
    Never let anyone decide things that concern you or the two of you as a couple.

    When it comes to you..do what you feel is good for you. Don't seek unnecessary advice even from mil because then the expectation is that you will seek advice everytime.

    Since your inlaws are close to their daughter, you use this to stay in close touch with your parents.
    Call them often and visit them often.
    People who value their daughter should encourage a close bonding between dil and her parents.

    Op..you are very young. You may not realise now,but there is a silver lining to the constant presence of sil in your in laws life. That keeps them away from focussing on your life . Someday you will understand that so many dils dream of that.

    If you still feel the same way by next year....have a heart to heart talk with your husband. Let him work towards making you feel more included.

    If that does not help,then may be it is time for you to think of an independent setup .
     
    sindmani, Shivika992 and shravs3 like this.
  2. ThanjavurPonnu

    ThanjavurPonnu New IL'ite

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    A very mature response. Thank you :)

     
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  3. Shivika992

    Shivika992 Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you for all the advice! I have started to change my outlook and expectations towards in laws. You are right, in laws are in laws and can never be the same as parents. I always thought if i am like a good daughter to in laws they will treat me like their real daughter but that never worked and only upset me.

    My sister in law not only likes all attention on her, but she also tries to put me in bad light sometimes. She always taunts or makes comments about my spending (even though i work and earn my own money) or about how i like to get up late on weekends. She doesn’t comment on anyone else in the family. My in laws or dh also don’t say anything when she’s saying all this, she really gets on my nerves and makes me feel like i am an outsider.
     
  4. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Shivika, I am glad you have lowered your expectations and changed your outlook.
    Your SIL’s criticism of you comes from her insecurity. Which means she thinks you are doing better than her right? Insecure people do not change, unless they feel better about themselves. So expect this to continue. However, you can respond to her taunts in a subtle manner ( add humor if you like). For e.g you can say: I worked extra hard this month at work, just so I could buy so and so.






     
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  5. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    :tonguewink: getting up late on weekends, eh? Your husband getting up late as well, no?
    No wonder your SIL is annoyed, because she too couldn't get up late....or totally lost that habit, and your dH isn't saying anything either.
     
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  6. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    I was thinking along the same lines, she could tell SIL : Your brother did not let me sleep last night. While the in-laws jaws might drop and touch the floor, SIL will shut up.


     
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  7. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    :yikes::lol:
     
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  8. Amulet

    Amulet IL Hall of Fame

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    Countering the uncouth within an extended family isn't a good tactic. Instead, the newly wed should secretly chuckle, and focus on keeping dH tongue-tied, and smitten with the practice of all the novel ways of getting up late on weekends.

    The OP should remember that a newly wed's job is to get her dH to stand beside her, watch her back, etc. etc. for the long haul. She should concentrate on his training, and not fritter away her energies on fighting some other issue with no payback.
     
  9. mangaii

    mangaii Finest Post Winner

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    This is a good sign. They are not siding with her. Looks like you have reasonable folks. Don't focus on SIL. Enjoy your life
     
  10. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    I wasn’t implying she should, it was a joke !

     
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