Adjust, compromise to keep the peace in marriage

freddycat · May 23, 2012

Adjust, compromise to keep the peace in marriage - easier to say, then doing it, forever :rant

I saw another thread, "self counselling"... Just wondered myself, without the cooperation of DH (one of those 'know it all' person) or trying to fix it myself, lead me here??

Maintaining peace (no pride/ego/shame:bowdown) in the family for decades, going and going like an energizer bunny? Emotional detachment - makes me, keep on going with my daily routine. I do know, it is just one horse pulling the wagon, instead of the two.

It is suffocating :drowning Makes me wonder, what if I drop the ball, and I am sure that my family will fall apart.

Perception from outside, great family, name in the society/relatives, wonderful kid, reasonable wealth/health (set of colourful pills have to be taken daily), achieved in career, volunteer on many activities and so on.

I do take vacation, went to Italy last month, planning for get together with friends in early July, and another tour plan (in progress) with friends in December. More or less, it's like been there and done that, for this year with friends. Feels like forced time out, rather than enjoyment?

Not sure, How to explain it? Suffocating or just emotionally drained? Would I be able to make it for another 2-more decades like my mom and my parents?

May be, blame it on hormonal change, late mid-life crisis, need to increase the medication dose or just plain boredom.

In the past, I felt like this before, charged myself into more work. That's my next plan

satchitananda · May 23, 2012

I understand what you mean FC. Some problems are so intractable and hard to solve. Especially with marital problems there never is a perfect solution.

flowerlady · May 23, 2012

There are many women in the same boat as you! It requires tremendous will-power to keep the family together and behave like a well-programmed robot with friends and relatives.
But the resentment does flow out sometimes and it should or it would be a pressure-cooker situation!
The choice between the fire and the frying -pan makes us spend our life in a limbo.
That's how marriages keep working, maybe even the best marriages end up like this where the wife is supposed to keep the family together while the DH takes everything foregranted.
Have fun, enjoy the vacations with friends, stop thinking.

freddycat · May 23, 2012

Thank you satchi and flowerlady. Running out of fuel...to distract myself, I will focus on something else.

anahita5 · May 23, 2012

sweety,
I feel bad. everyone deserves to give love and to be loved. You are stressing yourself too much..Hopefully god will give you strength, happiness and everythng you desire. I feel indian women make family their utmost priority and forget themselves in the process. To my mom my brother and I were her universe. Now that she is old, however much we try, she is still lonely. Time flew by when she was running around for us. Now she does not know what to do. Please make yourself a priority. Its your life. Find something that you love /enjoy doing. Spend some time for yourself. I hope one day your family undestands how much you have done for them.

ProudIndian · May 23, 2012

Dear Freddycat

I like all your posts. You are matured, experienced and self made, content women who is inspiration for all of us. Please hang in there and be happy. We women have to excel in home front, career front, social circle etc. In this process we forget to take care of ourselves. Don't exert much to keep others happy. Sometimes I think we should learn from women of western coutries. Our love, affection, devotion, hardwork, sacrifices have no return value or apreciation.

You are role model for your kids. Your contribution to this forum is very precious for all of us. Many women/men need your guidance. Please keep spreading positive vibes though your wisdom!!

Ragini25 · May 23, 2012

find the next big project to accomplish! Wish you well.

freddycat · May 24, 2012

Thanks for your responses and likes of the thread.

I do know, it is building up inside of me (brewing for awhile). I am known for making the unexpected drastic move and do surprise my friends/relatives. Who knows, one of these days, I may book my (one way) ticket to India and leave as I came here, with one suitcase. Alternatively, may spend my time between 2-continents, as some of friends are already doing it. Simply, waiting for the proper slot to slide out into new phase of life, next best VRS offer :coffee

Megalife · May 24, 2012

Freddycat,
We all have our days, don't we? Except that you r having a real field day.....it being humane. Just let off steam in whichever form your metabolism will cope up with....but bottom line ;;; hang in there! Hugs pal! Your posts and fbs are always so heartwarming....... You surey can do some gimmick to wave of those passing blues with a wave of wand.
Mega

parvathi1980 · May 24, 2012

Oh women are supposed to adjust and compromise. Nobody is going to be grateful to you for that. If you are doing it then it is your duty. This is the mindset of the avg Indian male.