Adamant daughter

Oh come on. I'm really rolling my eyes at this one. shakehead

Why do you THINK he asked for a friendly visit with your daughter?? Because YOU kept leading him on that your daughter might still be interested in him. THAT IS WHY HE ASKED. DUH!!!

Your daughter said NO, but because you still wanted him as a son in law, you kept him hanging on. Yes, now you have found yourself between a rock and hard place. But, this is a problem of your own creation! Please, let your daughter handle her relationship with him from here on out.

 

I have read your entire thread from the begin. What I think Nalinamani is, since you already lead the boy into this and your girl said NO but again he wanted to meet (friendly visit) , so now, DO NOT say no. Let him go and meet your daughter. He is an outsider and he is seriously considering marriage but your daughter is not interested. Then why hurt someone else's feelings. Let this visit happen. But before that call up you daughter and tell her you are sorry for all this confusion and that you will not insist adamantly (I am sorry but you are being adamant here not your daughter) henceforth.
But as you already commited on this visit so tell your daughter to take it as a friendly chat and make it clear that you are not expecting any outcome out of it as you did before. If the boy is so happy and impressed by your daughter you can always say your daughter is not ready now since she is insisting on finishing her studies or some other reason and get over it. Anyway, you daughter is not interested now so deflect the whole situation in a decent way.

For goodness sake! Give her a break!! How much can she compromise just to keep your word??? Ofcourse you do not want her to marry JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT HER TO!!

Think of her life ahead, life after you, don't you want her to live happily ever after??? Will you be happy if she makes just YOU happy while she is undergoing the trauma of getting into this marriage unwillingly??

:thumbsup
Meena

 

Nalinamani
It is very unfair to force this marriage on your daughter. What if she gets married now bowing to your pressure but is not able to lead a happy life. Would you be happy then?

my husband, my son were feeling the same...which we expressed to our girl but still we left it open for her to decide.

No.. You did not leave it for her to decide. You are thrusting your decision on her when it is HER life end of the day and SHE (not you, your husband or your son..) has to lead her entire life with this boy. If your daugheter is not comfortable with him, let her move on.


in the mean time, if he wants to visit while visiting his parents, how can I say no to him...

And it is also not fair to keep the boy guessing. If your daughter is not interested, please inform the guy accordingly. At least he would not be under the wrong impression.

And finally do remember one thing.. the more you push your daughter towards a marriage that she dislikes, the more adament she would turn out to be.

Did you take any step at all to get to know the guy whom your daughter likes and try to understand why she likes him?

 

I agree with VLR..

You pushed it too hard on both these people.. Since you like this boy being frank and all, why dont you be frank too and tell him -

My daughter is not intrested in getting married right now. She is not sure when she would be ready either. So, I am not sure wether she will meet you for a friendly chat. I need to check with her and will get back to you. Disappear after that.

Talk about the whole friendly meeting you have done and dont ask I-repeat-dont ask her to meet him. If she tells on her own, alright, I will meet him.. then say No issues, I dont have to force you. Leave it.

If she still insists then, say fine. Else, close the issue there.

You say, a friendly meeting.. But have you ever thought of having a friendly meeting witht he guy she is love with, instead of wondering why she fell in love with a moron ?

Ma'am, you will really do a favour if you started to ' value ' your daughter's feelings rather than some prospective groom you found nice alongwith your hubby and son. Please.

 

How is it that you are more worried about hurting the feelings of a stranger than you are of your own daughter??

I understand that you want only the best for her, but sometimes you have let the children (adult in age) decide for themselves. I'm sorry this is hurting you but everyone will be hurting even more if you push any marriage onto her.

 

Hello there!!

I have read your problem and only 2/3 replies for it. I totally agree with Priyalousi reply. When I was 22 , I too had boyfriend and used to think only one thing- I have to get married to this guy ONLY... Looking back, I am scared to even think how I would have spent my life with him,, so it is PURE INFATUATION,
Your daughter is a kid right now.... Forget astrology etc... Just let her be and give her time, dont talk abt marriage at all.. she would come out of it.... 22 is a very young age , how can you think of getting your precious doll at 22 ? When she comes to her senses in couple of years, she would really feel bad about it.... let her enjoy life , have her own rich experience with life in terms of relations/friendships/how to deal with difficult situaions, I am sure she wud grow into a mature beautiful young woman!

ALL THE BEST and dont let these tensions affect your health!

 

Dear Ma'am,
I know what u must be going through as a parent.My parents were in ur shoes sometime back regarding mysister.They too wanted her to be married to a groom of their choice and see her well settled.Its any parent's wish.
But now, she married the boy of her choice.She was sensible enough to choose someone very nice and from a good family.Now my parents are happy.
Please make necessary enquiries to see if the boy ur daughter is interested in is good and from good family.If u are convinced then leave caste aside and please consent.That way ur daughter will be happy throughout her life.Else she may refuse to marry at all.

Deepa.

 

Hi Nalinimani,

Please take a step back and breath.
I got married at the age of 22 because my parents were scared i will marry a hindu boy, whom i was friendly with.
I had an arranged marriage and i am so unhappy now because i had not completed my education my husband has no respect for me. I may have not married that boy anyway.
Similarly your daughter may just be his riend and nothing more.
Please help her focus on her education boys will come and go but unless she is able to stand on her own feet dont encourage any talk of marriage.

 

dear lady

I am a daughter around the same age as your daughter and going through the same stuff.
I am in no position to give advice , but I would like to share that your title of the thread is so negative that anybody my age would totally get the wrong picture about u.
U live abroad, she is only 22 , she can do a lot of things to get away from u.So for the fact that she spoke well to the families of the two boys and she is still conversing with u shows that u have to give her more respect.
If she finds out that u spoken about her, behind her back saying she is adamant,she would be heart broken.
give her time she is only 22. girls my age don believe in horoscope especially if its says something negative.The guy whom she loves if its meant to be it will be else he will move out of the picture give it some time.
Have faith in God

 

I think the subject can be change from "Admanct Daughter " to

"Adamant Mommy"

Please give her a break...