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Accused Of Withholding Sex

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by BhumiBabe, May 1, 2017.

  1. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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  2. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    What can be done if the husband continue with verbal abuse even after reminding million times
     
  3. sumzaya

    sumzaya Gold IL'ite

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    Have u informed this to ur husband.. remind him its painful if u r not interested.

    Y not u take initiative ? With The foreplays u like ?
    Be more frndly with DH, have more beautiful moments spending with DH like outings , nightwalk , movie at theatres... And share your expectations or problems , which he have to understand and to be taken care by him. These things have to be liked or enjoyed mutually; not for just one person.
     
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  4. ashneys

    ashneys Platinum IL'ite

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    It's like if u don't hav intimacy it causes problem, n there is no intimacy bcoz of d problems. So it can b a never ending cycle. So talk to him clearly n work on a few of d problems n use dat as a start. State clearly dat his attitude is a major turn off. To start of, make a deal like if ders a positive change in his attitude den u will also make a positive change towards dis. Negative attitude, negative intimacy.
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Sex is not a bodily thing for women. Specially after a kid, sex takes a backseat for many women.
    When you do not desire sex, it can be definitely painful and upsetting.
    You can lay down and bite your lips for a day just to please your husband. But you can't do that all the time. It may amount to marital rape; hence causing serious harm to the relationship.

    I am not a medical person, but I know many women lose their libido after their first child due to various reasons. It can be hormonal, it can be stress, it can be other emotional or physical conditions.

    Personally speaking, I do not feel sexy all the days. Sometimes, all I want at night is undisturbed sound sleep only.
    Sometimes our needs won't match. Means, I might feel lazy, sleepy or not ready when he is ready. Likewise, he might be snoring when I need it.
    So, finding a middle point is the key here.

    First of all, check the underlying problems for your low libido.
    It is not normal to want no sex for almost all the days in a month.
    If your relationship is the reason behind it, then it is high time you speak this with your husband openly.
    Tell him openly that he looks abusive and not sexy; thus you do not feel like sharing your bed with him.
    Tell him that women have difficulties in separating sex with love. If there is no love, there is no sex according to women.

    Plan your sex life together. Tell him a date night, a romantic dinner, a walk by holding hands, a long chat in the terrace, or a movie together can turn you on.
    Ask him never to bring any bad topics, as they might turn you off.

    Generally weekends are the perfect time to plan, and implement such romantic ideas.

    When sex life turn out to be better, you may find it easy to let go the other simple problems in life
     
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  6. WorriesTooMuch

    WorriesTooMuch Silver IL'ite

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    I feel your pain. For me, after a long day of chores and looking after a kid, it's just another chore. I've been debating on how to express to my husband that it's not fair that he expects me to 'be in the mood' when he wont do anything (offering to do the dishes for one freaking day would be nice)

    I'm sure if there was verbal abuse I'd never be in the mood. We're not machines. Don't force yourself, it's not you. It's him. If he disrespects you so badly and still wants to have sex with you there's something wrong with him.
     
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  7. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    That's actually the problem. I don't initiate, unless I'm really interested (which happens on occasion), but not very frequently. The fact that I don't initiate bothers him. We are going to counseling, so I was recommended to put out 1x a week, to help create a positive relationship... At this point, it doesn't seem to be working, but that's probably because my definition of a positive relationship is someone who tries to understand and does something sweet for the heck of it.
    Whenever he does something "sweet," like wash the dishes, he does it expecting something.
     
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  8. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    I've tried having the conversation, AND we've been going to counseling. It's like he doesn't even try. In fact, he takes some weird pleasure in pissing me off. When I try to tell him that it's hard to be in the mood when he's quite awful to me all day, he just confidently says that if I don't want to stay, I'm free to leave.

    This man (my husband) doesn't watch movies - Indian or American! :fearscream: That was the biggest culture shock of my life. Romantic dinners start sweet, and then he'll get pissed off about something I said, ending up saying that we're only here because of me and that I should enjoy it while he's in the mood to "treat" me.

    I'm at wits end to figure out how to connect with him. His favorite topics are politics (we support different parties) and talking about how smart he is in getting what he wants in his company (and badmouthing everyone). Apparently, I don't respond to his attempts at conversation correctly, so he doesn't really have an interest to connect either.


    I feel like I'm just ranting at this point. It's nice to have people who care about what I say and try to help me when I need help.
     
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  9. silentlistener

    silentlistener Silver IL'ite

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    Is a marvellous video in Desire Discrepancy. Definitely worth listening to for any one who seeks counselling in lack of desire, especially due to relationship factors.

    It is by a pioneering work by a lady ( Medical Doctor).

    Watch it. You will find it informative
     
  10. jmsd

    jmsd Silver IL'ite

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    One question.Can you negotiate it with him that if he tries to connect at a mental level you will do so at a physical level? That seems the whole disparity to me.
     
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