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abused by jethani from hell

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by punjabi kuri, Dec 21, 2007.

  1. punjabi kuri

    punjabi kuri New IL'ite

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    Hey

    i have just discovered this forum and cannot believe how many ladies out there are having to suffer - I have been suffering for the past 8 years. I got married to a guy who has 1 elder brother & was married (they had one son). At first my jeth and jethani seemed nice but on the wedding day I noticed a change in my jethani's behaviour - she was very rude and arrogant. My FIL & MIL live in india & MIL came to UK for our wedding. MIL is nice but I noticed she was not very bright. I come from a very large family, I have got 3 elder SILs and we were always taught to treat our pabee's with respect otherwise we would be in trouble as they were just as important as the daughters of the family. As soon as I got married I noticed my jethani would always make stupid remarks about me and my husband ( my husband and jethani didn't have a very good relationship). A week after we got married my jethani had been making some catty remarks about me and my husbands cousin said to her she shouldn't say things like that in case she upset me and in front of my MIL, jeth & husband, my jethani said " I can say whatever I want and do whatever I want to here and no-one can do or say anything to me". Immediately I saw another side to this person. She was very rude to all my family, if they would visit she would not say hello and just sit around like a zombie not making conversation and acting as if she was really bored. If my husband and I went out shopping she used to call my husband and say you have to come back home now. She once beat my husband with a hockey stick because he wouldn't eat pizza (he had moved to the uk from india and had only been in the country for 3 weeks). My jeth didn't do anything. This happened a few weeks before we got married - i was really angry - i said to my husband don't let her get away with it who the hell does she think she is. My MIL returned to India a couple of months after our marriage.

    If we would visit the jethani & jeth - they would act like they didn't want us there and i would say hello and she would just look away. she said i couldn't touch her son.
    A year after we were married I had a daughter and she said to me the reason god has given you a daughter is because you are a sinner. She wouldn't let me and my husband buy a house - she would get my jeth to call up every day and argue with my husband over stupid things. After a year of this I could feel a lot of frustration & anger building up inside of me. I found out my jethani told my husband to divorce me because i wasn't a nice person, my husband was never nasty to me - he is the only reason I stayed - it's not his fault his family is weired.

    My MIL came to visit 1 1/2 years after our marriage and she sat the four of us down to have a chat as to why we weren't talking - i was really annoyed with MIL because when she came to the wedding she could see jethani wasn't making an effort with me but chose to stay silent. But on her second visit because my jethani complained i was ignoring her, MIL called a family meeting. At the family meeting things got heated and jethani verbally abused me.She then punched me in my mouth and strangled me quite viciously - i was finding it hard to breathe - i tried to push her off but in the end my husband grabbed her hair and dragged her off me. I haven't stepped foot back in my jethani's house since that day - i refuse to - i have been told off by mostly everyone on my in laws side over this because they say it was 6 years ago, I need to let it go but i cannot forget what she did - she really hurt me and I have never done anything to hurt her - no matter what happened inside our house I never badmouthed her to anybody including my family but the girl just doesn't know how to talk to anybody and i said to my husband i refuse to bring my kids up in that environment. my MIL saw everything but still she didn't do anything- she didn't tell my jethani off - to me that was the last straw.

    my relationship with FIL/MIL is quite rocky as they don't support me not speaking to jeth/jethani but i told them I don't care as i became quite ill over this whole period and now i just need to live my life and look after my health, husband & kids and if they don't like it then tough.
    do you think i am right in doing this or not? i would appreciate your comments - i have never discussed this with anybody before.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 21, 2007
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  2. sonalie

    sonalie Junior IL'ite

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    Hmmm, Your husband is good and your mother in law and fil are decent enough,
    they may be cold because of reverse kan bharao by jethani...
    but they are decent enough to keep out of fight and are not taking much sides....

    good that you are not meeting jethani much, let go of your anger and hurt...
    just say in your mind, i forgivre all...
    that doesnt mean that you need to meet your jethani again, keep your distance but free your mind of hurt and any vendetta...

    believe me, even your health may improve by forgiveness...

    it is difficult to expalin in words but easy to practice and see the benefits
     

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