About Me

lifeasitgoes · Apr 30, 2010

Thanks everyone for having taken the time out to read all of my LONG posts and provide your suggestions as well. I feel much better having read your replies. I will surely try and use up some of them and try to get things better... I guess, the main problem is me not being able to discuss all these problems with anyone and also the PMS getting stronger by the month!!!

@happygal4 : I'm trying to concentrate on getting my health in line now. Its an uphill task, but I'm slowly taking baby steps towards that.

And you're right again when you say he is not bad. Infact, we were crazily in love with each other in the beginning. I used to always refer to him as Hubby darling with all my frens.. and he was extremely loving and caring as well. I guess its just bad timing in terms of the MTP, pressure, my work presure and MIL's visit all happening around the same time.
Also, I'm unable to put past things to rest. I've been carrying a grudge subconciously and this is what is causing most of the arguments/fights now.

About going back its quite easy for me to continue staying here, people at my work will be more than happy and we've now got a really large project that will go on till the end of this year and I'm one of the key ppl. My husband is keen on returning and taking up a job there. The reasons he gives are

a) He believes that the education system is much better than anywhere else and hence wants to move there before our son starts school. Also, in the long term, we both prefer to stay in India than any place else and we dont want to have to change his system of schooling in between. i've heard from lots of friends and family that the change is not an easy one and gives a lot of stress on the kids. I dont want to give DS any more stress than he already has now. He should begin school in the next academic year.

b) For hubby's field of work, there is not much Industry scope here. The only opportunities are in research related fields and he feels that it wont pay much for his work experience. He would be paid the same amount that a person who has just completed without any work experience in between, while he already has around 9 years of industry experience. He is getting very defensive and annoyed if I suggest extending our stay here now. So I dont want to initiate another argument about this just now..

@Priya16 : Taking up a house near office in does not work for us since DS's childcare is near home and I dont want to send him to a new place now. If you're suggesting that I stay with my parents when I return until my hubby returns, that's again out of question. This will only lead to more tension and arguments since BIL's current house is closer to work place than parents' and they will not like it if we stay at my parents'.
When we planned for our first born, I was not aware of his plans to do his. We had assumed that he had completed his masters and was happy with it. The whole idea of doing his came as a surprise to me. Me and my BIL were strongly against this. But MIL supported hubby saying its your dream to study so go for it and nothing that any of us said could budge hubby's decision. Infact, when my parents told him the same thing, he got very angry with them and avoided speaking to them for some time.

Yes after he returns , I definitely plan to move to some place that is closer for all of our workplace and DS's school so that we save travel time.

Happysoul1234 · Apr 30, 2010

I understand that it is difficult to let go of past hurts, especially when the list of grievances committed by your MIL is long. I don't know how you put up with her for so long without losing your sanity!

But really, you have to learn to forgive. It cannot be forgotten, but you have to forgive. The only person's life your memories are affecting is your own. Why poison your present and future with stuff that hapened in the past.

A strong woman is one who looks on her past, learns from her mistakes and then moves on. Make sure that if you ever have to live with her again, you will set some clear ground rules and not let her rule your life the way she has in the past. There is a saying "sunna sabki karna manki" i.e. if people give you advice just listen to them and then do what you want to do. I believe that people like your MIL are incapable of engaging in meaningful conversations so it is best to ignore them or try to live up to their expectations. You will be just setting yourself up for failure. Live your life the way you want to live it, keep your mouth shut and don't let what others say influence you. That's the secret to being happy!

Priya16 · Apr 30, 2010

I was only talking about india stay only not Sydney stay.

Ok here is the thing,You mention in the beginning of the post,you would be happy if someone decide the things for you.
Your parents decide the things based on which best for you but your husband decided the things which best for him.He may not put you welfare first.He put the family welfare first.
So in the future if you have to decide something,just wait a minute before proceed.Take your time and analize and don't agree for the things because your husband said so.That is the one thing I would advise for you.
Disposing things not a big deal.Would that be possible for you to work in Sydney until your husband finished his business.If that is your interest then see how to work on that to stay here and you don't have loose your mind to stay with your MIL.Is your MIL living with your BIL now.What is her future plan to stay?
Even In india see your employerr would allow you to work from couple of hours.Anyhow you said you would plan to stay near to your office.See you would find some good helper to help you around the house.That way lot of hazzle will go away.
All the husband says to wife that else you are doing and you don't have worry about those words.That is common issue across the men.
I take care of two kids,drop them pick up and do the house cleaning and cooking,Yesterday my husband had complaint that I was not helping him with Yard work.So they will have issue with us until we exists.
So don't worry.Cheer up.See you can some way exercise.After delivery that is very important to regain the physical strength.
You husband will be very stress so don;t him much more stress.Once he found the jon then things will be much more easy.
Until then have patience and think through 2 ,3 times before you agree on

unme · May 5, 2010

After returning back to India you want your MIL to stay with you for the sake of your baby . but I don’t’ see any benefit for your baby . when your Mil will stay with you what kind of environment your baby will get (fights , abuses….) .what will he learn from all these ? I think this is growing age of your baby and at this age they learn and imitates everything they see . At the same time your MIL might do bitching an all….how will your son develop respect for you as he is going to spent more time with his grand mom so slowly he might influenced by her.
In my opinion you should look for a good daycare center and try to stay near to office area so at least your traveling time will be reduced.

lifeasitgoes · Jun 8, 2010

Hello Ladies,
Thanks for all of your suggestions. I've decided to change myoutlook and better our lives. Can I request the moderators to delete this post? It brings back bad memories and I really want to remove it from this forum.
I know I'm not allowed to do so. Hence the request.
Apologies for the inconvenience caused.

Induslady · Jun 14, 2010

Hi Lifeasitgoes,

We already responded to your similar request via email. Deleting a discussion that has progressed well with co-member participation is really not a viable option. This will frustrate those who took the time to participate in giving you suggestions.

Let us know if editing portion of your posts to less reveal personal info about your and your life would help.