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About A Situation With My Father

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by divyarnair, Jan 7, 2018.

  1. divyarnair

    divyarnair Silver IL'ite

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    Yes he has pension . He was a govt employee . He has medical insurance as well . Thanks for your suggestions. It did help me gain some perspective.
     
  2. Archanaanchan

    Archanaanchan IL Hall of Fame

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    @MalStrom ... Exactly my thoughts !:thumbsup:
     
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  3. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    Millions of men providing food, shelter, utilities,medical care to their parents. No one ever objected to that.People only object when they expect money for luxuries and neglecting own needs/kids. As only child, you too can provide for your parents if they are really needy. I don't know why your husband is losing respect for that? And definitely, it's not your parents' job to take care of your pregnancy..
    If they are not needy, and intentionally dependent on you- that's a different matter.

    But you yourself invited them to stay in your apartment. If they can afford their own expenses like rent, then better you should not have invited them to your house.
    It's better they live in rented house and manage their expenses. Living in rented house is not such a horrible thing as you make it out to be!

    Not everyone can invest in a house-especially at their age- better to have liquid assets that they can use for emergencies- medical or whatever, If they invest in a house/land at this age maybe it will help you/husband in future through inheritance, but how will it help them- rather they should have money in hand to live proper life and for emergencies? As long as they will pay their own rent, you have nothing to worry about!Like others said, help your father to plan retirement if you are concerned for their future- and not to earn your husband's respect!

    You have done 2 mistakes:-

    • You are only child and parents are needy. Still you decided to quit job and go to US. Now you want to throw them out.
    • Other mistake you did is that you got your parents to stay in the house that both you and husband paid for, So, your husband is feeling resentment that he is not earning out of that apartment. Better have your parents move into a rented place, and you can pay their rent out of your share of rent you earn from the apartment or your gold/savings. That way your husband's resentment will go.





     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2018
  4. nandinimithun

    nandinimithun IL Hall of Fame

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    I second that @MalStrom....
     
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  5. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    You can not change your dad just like that. If he has always been an irresponsible person with his finances, looks like he will be the same for the rest of his life, unless something seriously influence him for a change.
    Your suggestion about proving himself before his SNIL might not bring anything fruitful, other than some heartache and emotional drama.
    Consider his age, and his retirement status as well.

    At the same time, your decision to help your H by renting out your apartment is right. You can help your parents by renting an affordable/simple apartment at their native or in a city where the place is not that expensive.
    You can tell him your reasons without hurting their ego.

    In fact, you can help them to rent out an apartment at their choice by sharing your jewels (for the key money etc), so that they don't have to lose their savings for that.
    With the interest (FD), as well as the pension, I think your parents will be fine. If at all you feel they should settle with a home, then let them find a home at their native. Which will be cheaper.
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Op....would you feel the same way if in laws were staying in that apartment?
    You helped buy that apartment too.Why do educated women feel guilty for helping their parents . Men have no such issues because ' they are what they are because of their parents' but women are not?

    Your father may not be good with financial planning but he did raise you and give you education . He has done his bit and earned the respect.

    Your child and expenses during childbirth are your and your husband's responsibility not your father's.

    You wanting to help with house emi's is understandable.
    Don't relate it to your dad's respect . You respect your dad for raising you and your husband will learn to respect him for doing the same.

    Find a small flat on rent for your parents that is convenient in terms of living . Give your house on rent. Use that to pay rent for parents small flat and use the rest for your emi's .

    If this does not work out ....then help him invest his retirement money in such a way that he can pay rent with the interest.

    Don't ask him to buy a house in his old age and lock up his life's savings. How is it going to help him in need?

    It is better he enjoys the fruits of his earning in his lifetime rather than invest in property that will go to his child/ children .
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2018
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  7. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    This is the main point!



    I really don't understand when women think like this. Parents educate the girls equally as sons and enable them to become financially capable. Yet women resort to old century mentality as per their convenience. Such kind of mentality makes me feel so hopeless that will ever women be equal to men? How can we fight for equal rights with men if we shun equal responsibilities when it comes our turn...

     
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  8. divyarnair

    divyarnair Silver IL'ite

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    You are right , I should not feel guilty about them staying in my apartment. It is my 9 years of hard work and savings that I bought this flat and all the stuff in it . They are well entitled to enjoy it . My concern is they are not taking enough effort to invest in anything new . I want them to have a place of their own . My fathers friends who retired are all living in their own homes . It is a matter of pride in front of my in laws family for me if they buy an own place . My dad just doesn’t have any idea where to invest what to do with money . So it’s in FD now. My financial advisor is my husband but he doesn’t want to get into money matters with my dad . My mom is better than my dad in money matters . I am comfortable talking to her about these things and she understands but dad always takes it in different sense . So I am worried talking to him on money matters . He is impatient and I worry if he might make a bad investment in hurry if I talk to him . All these thoughts are in my mind . I think I need to find something from here and then ask them to go and see the property and decide .
     
  9. paru123

    paru123 Gold IL'ite

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    Buying a property with retirement amount is foolish according to me. If your parents actually need to live with self respect then they should have the money partly in liquid form and some in fixed investments which they should be able to use in case of emergency.

    Imagine how difficult it would be to sell a house if they have any major financial difficulty. If one has enough funds at their disposal they can lead a better life without seeking help from a third party.
     
  10. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    If your parents have enough money to rent and pay their expenses from their retirement savings then why do you want them to lock up such a large part of their money just to say they have their own house? What if property values decline or they have sudden unexpected expenses such as health care? Are your in-laws going to step in to help?
    If it is uncomfortable to stay in your flat then they can rent another place. But as long as their money is safely invested it should not be a concern. Not everyone wants to actively manage money, make different investments etc. Just make sure that they do not fall for any con artists. And encourage them to relax and enjoy by traveling or starting some hobbies.
     
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