Abortion in the ears

Hi ladies
Most hilarious write up I have ever come across…….I cant stop laughing

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<TT>Abortion in the ears.....Brilliant! </TT>
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<TT>This is a short story written by Dr Kishore Shah....he is a gynaecologist in Pune </TT>
<TT>and a very gifted writer....enjoy this extremely funny story. </TT>
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<TT>My wife is an ENT Surgeon while I am a Gynaecologist, and we both practise in the </TT>
<TT>same hospital. This can lead to some complications, as I recently learned to my </TT>
<TT>anguish. </TT>
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<TT>A General Practitioner rang me and told me that she is sending a patient of hers for </TT>
<TT>an abortion. </TT>
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<TT>Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with ear-wax for removal of the wax to </TT>
<TT>my wife. </TT>
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<TT>I duly informed the receptionist to send the patient right in as she was expected </TT>
<TT>(and expecting!) </TT>
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<TT>As Murphy's Law would have it (and Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital), it </TT>
<TT>was but natural that the patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up </TT>
<TT>with me (while all the time I'm thinking that this is the lady who wants the </TT>
<TT>abortion). </TT>
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<TT>This is the conversation that I had with the patient. </TT>
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<TT>"Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile (I always have a big smile, </TT>
<TT>when I am going to earn some money). </TT>
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<TT>The patient gave a feeble smile and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. </TT>
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<TT>"Relax." </TT>
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<TT>"Doctor, will this hurt a lot?" </TT>
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<TT>"Not at all." </TT>
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<TT>The patient relaxed visibly. "You know something, Doctor, we tried removing it at </TT>
<TT>home, but failed." I was shocked. </TT>
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<TT>"Thank God. Trying this at home can cause serious complications. " </TT>
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<TT>"I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't budge." </TT>
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<TT>I smiled and said, "If it were that easy, who would need doctors?" </TT>
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<TT>She gave a cute smile and said, "Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it with </TT>
<TT>his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin." </TT>
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<TT>"Oh my God!" </TT>
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<TT>"Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick." </TT>
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<TT>My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering </TT>
<TT>a word. </TT>
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<TT>"Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?" </TT>
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<TT>I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too much. I </TT>
<TT>replied a bit angrily, "There are tablets which can prevent this happening. Or you </TT>
<TT>could use protection at night." </TT>
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<TT>It was the patient's turn to be confused, "You mean to say that it happens only at </TT>
<TT>night?" </TT>
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<TT>I saw her point. "No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in the mood, </TT>
<TT>you should use protection." </TT>
<TT></TT><TT>She was even more confused, "It depends on my moods?" </TT>
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<TT>Again I saw her point. "My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just </TT>
<TT>happens." </TT>
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<TT>"My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the roadside." </TT>
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<TT>"You mean that pin man?" </TT>
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<TT>"Yeah!" </TT>
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<TT>This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using pins, he </TT>
<TT>was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among the pins. "You </TT>
<TT>were wise not to heed his advice." </TT>
<TT></TT>
<TT>"But I tried his other advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. However, </TT>
<TT>that also did not work." </TT>
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<TT>This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be locked up </TT>
<TT>either in a padded cell or a barred one. </TT>
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<TT>"But have you taken your husband's permission?" </TT>
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<TT>Now the patient looked confused. "Do I have to take my husband's permission? </TT>
<TT>Because if you need his signature, he is working in Dubai . We have not been able to </TT>
<TT>meet for the last one year." </TT>
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<TT>It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those' cases. </TT>
<TT>The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I reassured her. "No! </TT>
<TT>No! The husband's signature is not at all needed." </TT>
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<TT>"However, I did inform him over the telephone." </TT>
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<TT>Her husband seemed to me to be a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know whether </TT>
<TT>to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to other </TT>
<TT>aspects. "Its good that you came in a bit early." </TT>
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<TT>"Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other work." </TT>
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<TT>"Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this removal, it </TT>
<TT>would have started moving. Then it would have developed a heartbeat." </TT>
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<TT>The patient was staring at me wide-eyed as if watching a horror movie. Looking at </TT>
<TT>her face, I decided that she was not fit to listen to the grotesque details. I </TT>
<TT>decided to relieve her a bit. I said, "You will bleed a bit, but only for a few </TT>
<TT>days." </TT>
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<TT>By now, the poor patient was trembling, "H-h-h-h-how much bleeding?" </TT>
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<TT>"Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue only for a </TT>
<TT>week or so." </TT>
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<TT>By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me </TT>
<TT>wide-eyed. I told her soothingly, "Why don't you lie down on the examination table? </TT>
<TT>Remove your clothes and relax." </TT>
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<TT>That was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a blur of </TT>
<TT>motion leaving my consulting room at top speed!!!! </TT>
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<TT>Wonder how things went with my wife who was landed with the pregnant lady wanting an </TT>
<TT>abortion?!?!?! </TT>
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<TT>regards,</TT>
<TT>Kavitha. </TT>

 

Re: Abortion is the ears

oh Ami and Priya,
Thanks for the FB, found it good wanted to share with you ladies, I to laughed my heart out.

love,
Kavitha.