A year after my letter to Srikkanth

bindunaidu · Jul 3, 2007

dear malathi,
I believe it is not sex that we have to fear and abhor... It is violence! As long as our children grow up into sensitive adults who can shed a tear in empathy for another's pain, it is quite alright..
what is ogling a few nude pictures{which is a completely natural phenomenon} compared to burning a bride for dowry;killing a girlchild before or after she is born; raping and assaulting women; discriminating people on the basis of sex, caste,religion or any basis for that matter;killing people for your beliefs and ideologies....I hope u got the gist of what i am trying to say!

Kamla · Jul 5, 2007

Dear Malathi,

Another great write up from you. Lucky I got to read it today. Though I feel bad I missed reading it all this time, the added bonus was the wonderful fbs you have received for your initial post. It was just as enriching to read them.
Dear Malathi, you are one great Mom I liked the way you kept your cool in spite of the nude beauty on your son's monitor! That you are a teacher explains some. I can totally empathize with the lot of today's parents! Although my 'real' parenting is done with, I still feel responsible for my girls who often have to fall back on me for some reference or advice, especially as they have been raised with two very contradicting cultures and are sometimes in a dilemma about one or the other factor.
Whenever I needed to stop my daughters from blindly following their European peers, I used the much cliched sentence...We Indians don't do that! Yes, I did and I am sorry about that. But it was the easy way out!! Soon, they were old enough to understand and also mingled with the 'we Indians', both in Germany and India. Aah, no need to tell you that they got back to me good and proper! Today, the world is shrinking and it is really a global village. Youth are exposed to the same peer pressures in India, America, Europe, Japan or anywhere. As a matter of fact, the German kids were introduced to drinks and such by their parents quite early in life. Like , after Confirmation ritual, the fourteen year old is given a glass of wine! Also, our friends asked and filled their childrens' glasses with wine. They say that it is better that it is done under the supervision of a parent than they go ahead and try a smoke or drink in sly. Well, we can break our heads as to what is right and wrong, but we need to keep that head strong and sane to guide our very gullible youngsters in the right path. Needless to say, it cost us all our intelligence, common sense and patience to raise our daughters as strong and thinking young women in a foreign culture
Upon reading the post, I too had the same thoughts as Akalya! We keep saying that we want to be 'friends' with our children. My daughters have told me that they have enough friends, they want a Mother in me?! Now I know, I want to be a friendly mother! That way, I get both..the free talk and deference Let me also mention that your reply to Akalya was super
Malathi, I do respect you immensely for coming out so openly here about your son. Shows how confident you are about him and yourself. Great mom and a great example to others.
I keep wondering why no one nominated this post of yours for the Finest Post?? ..... Guys, don't you think it is time that someone did that?

L, Kamla

Malathijagan · Jul 5, 2007

Dear Kamla,
Thank you for having read this piece and given your valued opinion.Parenting IS the most difficult job today! We manage a creche in the company where my hubby works. The mothers who drop their children there say that it is easier to work in office than to take care of the needs of their toddlers! When we visit the creche we see the ayahs feeding the kids. Most of the children take in mouthfuls without swallowing them! The poor ayahs take hours to push a few morsels down their throats! So the difficulty of modern mothers has started even in the toddler stage of their kids and they have a long way to go. Changing diapers is another nightmare! The disposable ones have come in very handy. Even in India this cult has started. I don't know how much of importance is given to hygiene (In changing the disposable ones as soon as they get sogged) in the west, but quite a lot of mothers in India become oblivious to that once it is wrapped around the kid. Till the kid starts his continuous cries non-stop the diapers are a forgotten thing. This concerns the physical part. I wonder how these women are going to tackle the emotional stress as the kids grow up? Would they make a nervous wreck of themselves, would they make their children miserable or or both would equally suffer, only time will tell. But I always feel the kids of these days are more understanding than the parents though there may be exception to rules.
"Though I feel bad I missed reading it all this time, the added bonus was the wonderful fbs you have received for your initial post. It was just as enriching to read them."
If the fbs are good then the return fbs would also make interesting reading, like the ones I saw in the 10th episode of "She", between the 3 of you(you know who).

rajmiarun · Jul 30, 2007

Dear all,
Something intersting which has made me rewind myself to the days when I was a teenager. Dad and mom had always trusted me to the core. They know that what ever I do they will know as I cannot keep letting my mother know what I have done that day. My mom had made it a habit right from my young age to talk out all the days happenings to her. Fights with friends, or laughs with them; praise or anger I got from the teachers all will be known to them by me personally.

That trust gave me a powerful strength and that trust stopped me in doing anything wrong; in the sense anything that they might not approve off. Everyone in the street and the relatives know that I have more friends for boys than girls. Most of the boys from the school days are still friends of mine and so are their wives and kids.

There was an invisible rope which is as long as that of a cow tethered to a small peg. The cow can roam as loang as the rope and the outside of the length is dangerous for the cow and if it tries to go beyond the length the cow will be pulled in. I feel this type of attitude should be followed by all the parents towards their kids so that the kids will also know that there is a limit for their freedom and they will be yanked in if they tried to do something they need not be doing.

Best of all is teach your kids that you love and trust them and to trust and love you. They need to be talking to you about anything in this world. You need to be the first confidate and you need to be their first friend. Dont fret if you and your kids fight or have an argument; doesnt friends fight. Take it that way. We parents have to be the guiding star.

rajmiarun · Jul 30, 2007

Trust and love is what we had expected and what we have got from our parents. I think we should not feel hard to give to our kids what we have got from our parents. It will be hard if we have not practised all these days but still there is time and we can mend ourselves and try understanding the teenagers of today.

Teenagers of today try to be more friendly towards parents but it is only our ego as parents that doesnot allow us to accept the friendliness. If we try to be more open they will also be just the same

Malathijagan · Jul 30, 2007

Dear Rajmi,
That was a nice write-up by you. Would you believe, we have a thing in common! Even I had more boy friends than girl friends during my younger days. May be because my parents had trust in me and they never stopped me from playing with boys. In those days very few parents allowed girls to play with boys. So all my childhood day games were gilli danda,Kabaddi, goli, kite flying, top spinning etc.! May be because of that sort of upbringing, I too loved to give that freedom to my 2 sons. I shouldn't say"Give". Who are we to give freedom? It is always there. We can only give guidance as good parents.
Your attitude towards parenting is very good and sure, your kids are lucky.
Regards

rajmiarun · Jul 30, 2007

Hi Malathy,
Thanks. My kids are too young. But still as for my daughter is concerned, who is in her 1st Standard, I have made it a habit to sit with her and listen to all that she says be it good or bad. I listen to her ramblings and I give her a piece of advice if she has done anything wrong, and praise her if she has done good deed or scored well in the surprise test kept on that day.

Thus I have gained her confidence and she feels now that she can tell me anything on this world.