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A wired behaviour of mine... Need suggestions to change it

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Happy11, Jun 24, 2013.

  1. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Sorry OP

    Frankly speaking, I am not the one who normally discourages anyone, who in fact repents for their mistakes and wants a change. I normally try my best to bring the change out from them, in order to save their marriage.

    I understand you... I posted the above post mainly to make others understand how it is different when it comes out from a female to prove how double standard we are here.

    As many said, it is indeed a success that you have realised your faults.
    Try openly and wholeheartedly appologize to your husband, and let him know that you repent for whatever the mistakes done by you. Discuss openly with him on the areas which provokes you, and explain to him as to why and how you have inherited such a bad habit (from childhood etc..)

    Gradually with both of your support, your marriage would turn very happy soon.. My best wishes dear
     
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  2. lucky2

    lucky2 Platinum IL'ite

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    @happy11
    I understand dear..!don't take it to your heart..!its not problem with your post,it is with the people who taking in different perspective..!try ignoring the tags and move on..!
     
  3. Happy11

    Happy11 Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks to all for ur valuable suggestions.
    I will try my level best to control my anger by following the tips given by u all.
     
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  4. nicegirlradhi

    nicegirlradhi Gold IL'ite

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    Happy11, good that you have realised your mistake and trying to correct your faults. you have a loving husband and happy marriage. so please try to cherish that.

    one suggestion is, when ever you get angry, try to count numbers from 100 to 1 backwards like 100,99,98....this will control the anger and divert your mind
     
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  5. BharatS

    BharatS Gold IL'ite

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    May I add another point....gather the evidence, take photos of the scars, keep the neighbors informed:rotfl....you are too good to be here Ragini25:hide:
     
  6. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    OP, one question to you, if a girl, say newly married comes and says that her husband is hitting/pinching her etc when ever he is angry, what will you suggest to her?

    Will you say, he is an abuser/loser even if he raises a finger at you, dont stay with him, you deserve better or will you tell her be patient because he loves you. This might be an end for you as in a fit of anger he might fatally injure you but stay with him because he loves you?

    Which one will it be? I am sorry, I dont mean to be rude...but, really?

    Edit: please join anger management. Please tell your husband that you are sincerely trying to change and please help you in the process. Good luck. wish you a very happy married life.
     
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  7. Happy11

    Happy11 Senior IL'ite

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    Rakhii,
    I am not supporting my behaviour.i have not injured any one till now as u are thinking.and its not even needed to convience u ppl about the prblm i am gng through.
    My hubby and myself are pretty good in our relationship.these fights and all r very common in any relationship
    According to u and any ilites if ur spouse hits u then immediately u will leave him and walk away from ur relationship ryt? And not try to build it inspite of other things r reasons which makes u happy.

    One suggestion from my side
    See people approches these forums to find some solution since they cant share with there relatives r frnds.
    But the comments done by some people are giving raise to wired thoughts.different people are thinking in diffent ways . I will never come out of my married life because these small fights never separate us.
    The comments given by some ilites may be applicable to ppl facing dv or something but mine is different . We not even think of the thoughts like moving out of our relationship.
     
    Last edited: Jun 27, 2013
  8. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I am sorry to say Happy, but, i actually will advise the same to everyone like I did to you, if they say they did in bold above. I am sure you both are not thinking about separating but that will happen if you dont seek anger management help. I am sure you are working on it though, and I wish you both a happy married life. The things in red were a signal for DV, so sorry to say this though. Dont mean to hurt.

    Yes, if a spouse keeps hurting us physically inspite of trying to reconcile, we have to walk away from a relationship.
     
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  9. gopisu

    gopisu Senior IL'ite

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    Happy11,
    Realising and accepting your mistake is really appreciable.
    you have two problems, you cannot hear NO from your loved ones, as other ILite suggested try to analyse before you present something infront of your husband
    on how you react to a NO.
    Do not take anything for granted from your husband, he may have a different opinion than yours, always expect a NO and then approach him, that way you will not have disappointment and therefore anger.
    Give some time and then try to find out reason for his NO with peace of mind.
     

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