A wired behaviour of mine... Need suggestions to change it

SGBV · Jun 25, 2013

Happy11 said: ↑

Oh God! save me...
This is too much . What do u people think of me.May be i failed in presenting my problem in proper way.
See fights are common in all relationships. Its happens once in a while like once in a month .But will settle in an hour.
Only problem is that i will just pinch and beat him not even hardly..I just want to control my attitude.
I asking for tips to control anger.Don't give tags like DV or something.Ours is not a bad marriage . We love each other like anything but something I will loose my temper that's it.
U people are really picturising it as a big issue...I think its my mistake to post this issue.I expected some valuable suggestions but people are taking it in another directions.
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Sorry OP

Frankly speaking, I am not the one who normally discourages anyone, who in fact repents for their mistakes and wants a change. I normally try my best to bring the change out from them, in order to save their marriage.

I understand you... I posted the above post mainly to make others understand how it is different when it comes out from a female to prove how double standard we are here.

As many said, it is indeed a success that you have realised your faults.
Try openly and wholeheartedly appologize to your husband, and let him know that you repent for whatever the mistakes done by you. Discuss openly with him on the areas which provokes you, and explain to him as to why and how you have inherited such a bad habit (from childhood etc..)

Gradually with both of your support, your marriage would turn very happy soon.. My best wishes dear

lucky2 · Jun 25, 2013

@happy11
I understand dear..!don't take it to your heart..!its not problem with your post,it is with the people who taking in different perspective..!try ignoring the tags and move on..!

Happy11 · Jun 25, 2013

Thanks to all for ur valuable suggestions.
I will try my level best to control my anger by following the tips given by u all.

nicegirlradhi · Jun 25, 2013

Happy11, good that you have realised your mistake and trying to correct your faults. you have a loving husband and happy marriage. so please try to cherish that.

one suggestion is, when ever you get angry, try to count numbers from 100 to 1 backwards like 100,99,98....this will control the anger and divert your mind

BharatS · Jun 26, 2013

Ragini25 said: ↑

For sake of lighthearted post, bear with me and try this scenario:

OP (Happy11) is a guy and he pinches and hits the wife. IL-ites - now start the discussion all over again

First reply from sweetshreya: Make sure you punch his face, girls should be able to hit back
Tulipzz: Give him a tight slap
bubblygal: Make sure you punch him in front of MIL

All IL-ites: Call cops if he lifts finger for pinching

Just trying out reverse scenario - Lighthearted. Take it easy folks. If anyone finds an issue with the post, I will edit and remove it.
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May I add another point....gather the evidence, take photos of the scars, keep the neighbors informed:rotfl....you are too good to be here Ragini25:hide:

Rakhii · Jun 26, 2013

OP, one question to you, if a girl, say newly married comes and says that her husband is hitting/pinching her etc when ever he is angry, what will you suggest to her?

Will you say, he is an abuser/loser even if he raises a finger at you, dont stay with him, you deserve better or will you tell her be patient because he loves you. This might be an end for you as in a fit of anger he might fatally injure you but stay with him because he loves you?

Which one will it be? I am sorry, I dont mean to be rude...but, really?

Edit: please join anger management. Please tell your husband that you are sincerely trying to change and please help you in the process. Good luck. wish you a very happy married life.

Happy11 · Jun 27, 2013

Rakhii,
I am not supporting my behaviour.i have not injured any one till now as u are thinking.and its not even needed to convience u ppl about the prblm i am gng through.
My hubby and myself are pretty good in our relationship.these fights and all r very common in any relationship
According to u and any ilites if ur spouse hits u then immediately u will leave him and walk away from ur relationship ryt? And not try to build it inspite of other things r reasons which makes u happy.

One suggestion from my side
See people approches these forums to find some solution since they cant share with there relatives r frnds.
But the comments done by some people are giving raise to wired thoughts.different people are thinking in diffent ways . I will never come out of my married life because these small fights never separate us.
The comments given by some ilites may be applicable to ppl facing dv or something but mine is different . We not even think of the thoughts like moving out of our relationship.

Rakhii · Jun 27, 2013

Happy11 said: ↑

Hi,
I am married for almost 3 years.I love my hubby a lot even he loves me
At normal times we will be very friendly and close with each other.
The problem is when he says no to me or doesnt listen to me then i will get angry immediately. I cant controll my anger. I will show it immediately and even if he doest respond to me then i start pinching and hurting him in someway for a long time . Even if he takes me close to him also i wont leave i will be keep on hurting him and i will cry.I dont know y i suddendly become like that, he is really patience enough to bare me . I know that but still could not able to controll my behavour. This thing happens atleast once in a month. I will do like that till my anger go down .i have this nature from my childhood like i use to fight with my bro.

Frnds pls help me to come out of that behaviour . I myself making my husband to hate me...
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I am sorry to say Happy, but, i actually will advise the same to everyone like I did to you, if they say they did in bold above. I am sure you both are not thinking about separating but that will happen if you dont seek anger management help. I am sure you are working on it though, and I wish you both a happy married life. The things in red were a signal for DV, so sorry to say this though. Dont mean to hurt.

Yes, if a spouse keeps hurting us physically inspite of trying to reconcile, we have to walk away from a relationship.

gopisu · Jun 27, 2013

Happy11,
Realising and accepting your mistake is really appreciable.
you have two problems, you cannot hear NO from your loved ones, as other ILite suggested try to analyse before you present something infront of your husband
on how you react to a NO.
Do not take anything for granted from your husband, he may have a different opinion than yours, always expect a NO and then approach him, that way you will not have disappointment and therefore anger.
Give some time and then try to find out reason for his NO with peace of mind.