A very Peculiar and Worrying Situation

Yes. A marriage counsellor is the solution.

You need to communicate clearly, but kindly, that you are unhappy with the state of affairs. Suggest a plan for finances - say a joint account where both of you put x amount for expenses and have the rest to do with as you please. (She has seen her mum go through a difficult patch; find it it what will make her feel more secure - money in the bank or a property or what. Don't dismiss this as a whim; unless her insecurity is dealt with objectively, you won't get far)

make it clear that love and respect must be earned and disrespecting you and screaming isn't going to get her either of those. If she needs to take anger management lessons, so be it. She needs to learn to communicate assertively instead of aggressively. And you need to learn to communicate assertively too, rather than passively.

Now that you both have time together alone, be clear that you expect her to pull her weight.

 

MR. jibberish -

Your DW is childish and possessive, as a single child given importance only to her when growing up. If you keep her happy, your life will be smooth. If you tried to rub her, she can make your life as a living nightmare.

When you marry her, did you expect her salary? As long as, she is not spending or wasting on luxury items, it is fine. Both of you can plan her salary for future savings or investments.

May be, she is feeling insecure in marriage and saving her income as a safety net?
She may look immature, but deep down, she is very cautious person. Indeed, a very smart cookie.

I will not blame any woman for keep her income to herself. It is such a insecure feeling in the initial years of arranged marriage/ILs.

 

This is the answer, I was looking for. She is not a spender. Feeling insecure about life. ....let her savings grow and eventually, she will be fine. Poor thing, could have been over-dramatized by her mother about MEN!

 

To start with....she is a bit immature.You saw it coming but still went ahead.
Anyways....as far as money matters are concerned....Does she do housework along with her job.Do you help at home. If you do....then she should be an equal partner in finance also. Make an investment in both your names...(house,plot of land,FD)where both of you contribute a %age of salary. Let her manage her finance for both your future.

As for chocolates..... both of you need to grow up.
Maybe it is not about the chocolate and just about wanting to be the special person in some ones life. A wife is a wife....she has to be special.Most Indian men think ignoring wife or not making her feel special is a duty they have to do towards the birth family. It's almost like a sin to acknowledge that you like her.

Get her a different chocolate if it keeps her happy. You are getting off pretty cheaply.It is not an insult if your sister gets a different brand.Why don't you just ask what type they like and get them the ones they like. Chocolates are not like rice that everyone can like the same.

 

lets be practical, you have married an insecure selfish female, considering that you did have hints of it before your marriage and 'tired of dressing up for bridegrooms' clearly indicates many have not made the mistake you did,
pls accept you can never make an insecure person feel secure, no matter what you try,
lets say you stop paying for her personal expenses and then she pulls the roof down telling that as a husband you need to pay ... i think u can tell her sternly only if she was not working then u are obliged to pay her else she needs to learn to manage, most insecure ppl, dont go to extremes like divorce, coz they are simply scared of facing consequences and since her parents know her immaturity dont believe they would support her, so simply be stern and firm it would do her and your marriage good

 

Vini31 is right. Jibbeish you are too soft.
If you toughen up and issue an ultimatum that she should grow up or else you wont put up with this immature nonsense, she will cry, throw a tantrum, kick her feet - just stay strong and say that she has no option but to cut out the nonsense and u will NOT indulge her nonsense anymore. I think, she will change (reluctantly) after your ultimatum and when she sees you mean business. Coz she will be too scared of alternatives.

Stay strong thro the tantrums though coz she will cry to parents and do all silly nonsense to manipulate/put pressure on u, until she sees you DO MEAN BUSINESS

 

Dear jibberish
Don't worry .this is one of the common problems faced by arranged marriages face In their early days of marriage
it can be solved by a bit of UNDERSTANDING between you two guys
1.the girl is scared that you are going to give away all the money to your parents
2.Like any other newly married she is possessive that wants all your attention on her.(the reason for chocolate problem you mentioned)
3.Dear jibberish for your first year of marriage whatever you do small or big for your family will always make your wife fume( this happens in all bride's cases)

hey young man,enjoy with your wife .keep aside yr family a bit aside. don't take whatever your wife says...jus overlook .after a year they will become a bit mature and will understand your family as well.

the only issue you mentioned is about she not sharing your money expenses but when she gains confidence in you she will start doing it

make sure these small trivial matters doesn't breach your married life.
all the best you have a great future ahead.
again when you guys become parents you will have no time to even think of all these small matters.

 

jibberish - cut the problem now (by showing tough love), when it is early. Her parents have "enabled" her bad behavior, if you continue to enable this now and you also become an enabler, the problem will grow worse and will be very hard to deal with after an year or two. Cut it out now.