A Very Bold Lakshmi No Doubt, But Can You Accept Her?

varalotti · Sep 16, 2005

This Lakshmi is quite young and very bold. At age eighteen she fell head over heels in love with her classmate in the Engineering College, Rishi. When she was nineteen she could not imagine a life without her lover. Meanwhile her parents smelt the fish and were trying to thwart her love. Lakshmi told this to Rishi. Rishi's family had already accepted their love and was waiting for the right time to get them married. So Lakshmi fled to Rishi's house. They wanted the marriage to happen immediately. But there was a problem. Rishi was only nineteen and under the Indian law a boy below 21 cannot marry. They did not know what to do. Lakshmi, being a very bold character, came out with an outrageous suggestion. Rishi had a brother called Ram who was 22 at that time.Lakshmi suggested that she would get legally married to Ram first. That marriage is legal as Lakshmi was over 18 (the marriage-age for a woman) and Ram over 21. Lakshmi and Ram would have a written, notorised agreement that in spite of the marriage they would not have anything between themselves and that at the end of two years (when Rishi would be 21) they would divorce. Then Lakshmi would marry her sweetheart and live happily ever after.
The arrangement gave Lakshmi a reason to stay in Rishi's house and full protection against her own parents who might go to any extent to spoil their love. Ram was a very good man and this arrangment had the blessings of Rishi's parents and the active co-operation of Rishi.
(Now dear ladies, don't think that this incident is a figment of my imagination; it actually happened. I saw it in todays newspaper)
Can you accept Lakshmi's way of thinking?

vishnu vandana · Sep 16, 2005

modern thinking

I appreciate Ram for understanding his brothers and lakshmi’s love. And even their parents support. But lakshmi could have waited for 2 years, in rams house, there was no reason for her to get married. But if the decision was taken in the thinking that she would have been force to marry some one , then I think it’s fine. We don’t know whether rams family had a talk with lakshmi’s family.

Its difficult to agree with this decision , but end of the day if the couple is happy and their family is with them, we should not have any problems

varalotti · Sep 17, 2005

A Very Balanced Reply, Vandana

You have given a very balanced reply. While making it clear that it's a hard-to-accept decision, you have also approved it if there is no other way out.
Witout getting into any value judgments I see some risks with this kind of an assignment. Ram is a very good person and Rishi's parents are in favour of the arrangement. But two years down the line, suppose Ram refuses to give divorce to Lakshmi. She cant go to court with the agreement saying that he had promised to give divorce. Normally courts will frown on such agreements which sort of mocks the institution of matrimony.
Another great risk is Ram, if he at any time changes mind, can institute legal action for restitution of conjugal rights - that is force Lakshmi to have marital relationship with him.
Ram is a very good soul and things like these are far-fetched. But one can never deny the risks involved.
Let's see what others have to say on this
sridhar

vishnu vandana · Sep 17, 2005

Risk invloved -things may even change

I do agree there are risks involved, Nature of a person can change in the course of time. There even a probability that even lakshmi may start liking Rams as he has taken such a decision for his brother. Heart is always weak, it may compel you to change your decision, you can never say “ that he is my soul mate, “ or “ its my first and last love”
Love is some thing which can happen any time to any one.

we dont know any thing can happen , lets see wat other's view

love
vishnu

lakshmisuresh12 · Sep 17, 2005

Hi,

I don't think there was any necessity for laskhmi to marry Ram......Now, since she is major, she cannot forcefully get married off by her parents.....She cud have taken legal protection (no one on earth can go against her will, since she is a major now)and after 2 years, got married to the one she loved, rather that making thinks complicated....What do u people say?
Regards.

varalotti · Sep 17, 2005

A Good Suggestion - But reality is different

Lakshmi Suresh, you have given a very sensible suggestion to Lakshmi. But reality is much more harsher than legal provisions. In theory she can't be forced; but her parents could have brought enormous pressure with questionable strategies like emotional blackmail and could have married off Lakhsmi against her wish. All said and done the protection Lakshmi has as a wife of somebody will not be available to her as an unmarried woman. That's the sad state of affairs

meenaprakash · Sep 18, 2005

The essence is - FAITH & HOPE

Let us understand the situation here.
At one end is the desperation where if lakshmi is single her parents will force her to marry somebody else. This she doesn't want to happen.
At the other end is a remote possibility of still getting Rishi if she can manage to be in their house, by marrying Ram.
At what Cost ? The possibility of losing Rishi still looms large.
But that is what Infatuation is all about. Taking unwanted, unpredictable, unexpected grave risks to themselves and others involved.
Hope is the only positive force that drives them to do this.
The question is" whether it is all worth it", is something only they can answer.
And befittingly only they can either make it happen or fail to end up in disaster.
People around may call it 'stupidity', 'boldness', courage, madness, smartness, clever etc., but ultimately if they are in their shoes at that particular time, FAITH is the only driving factor apart from HOPE. Let's not forget, even a rat fights back when cornered from desperation, nothing else.

lakshmisuresh12 · Sep 19, 2005

Hi

Hi,
Sridhar, i totally agree with u. But don't u think that Ram's life is also getting complicated by doing so? Now everything wud be fine, but think what will happen when Ram will get married to someone...Will that lady accept whatever has happened and lead a normal life with Ram? Let's assume that there will be great understanding b/w them, but in some corner of her heart she wud definitely be thinking of this.......When Lakshmi can think such ideas to keep away from her parents, then she shud have thought of another alternative to convince them. No parents are so cruel to ruin any kid's life...... Ofcourse, i agree with ur statement too. She cud have put under emotional blackmail from her parents and get her married off to someone else....In that case, i think, what she did was right......It is what love and life is all about......I wud like to say that before getting into any sort of commitments, think twice, coz u will have to think about ur parents also, who live only for u......
Love is not that very blind to even forsee how the person who loves u more than anyone(ur parents, coz no one can love u more than them), will suffer by ur deeds......
I know that i'm not being practical....But there is something called as emotional values.......I think she had to think about that aslo.....She only thought about her happines, but not others........
She shud have thought about her parents for a while......
This situation holds good for any other foriegn country, but not India.....
I know i'm talking non sense, but do u think this concept of remarriage wud work out in India? If it works also, do u think she will have the same respect in the society as before?
I know i shudn't speak anythink against her, or whatever she haS done, coz i don't know what she went through or wht she is going through......
I was never in love with anyone before marriage.....So, i can prioritize my better half and my parents well....It's not like i die on one and totally ignore the other....I really can't survive without my parents and also without my better half......This way, i am able to maintain a balance b/w both......
Sorry, if it hurts anyone,.......
I just wanted to say one thing..............Please don't forget ur parents....Who have fulfilled all ur wishes and demands starting from a pencil to a car or a bike.....
They have sacrificed their happiness for our's......Don't u think they deserve a little bit of sacrifice from our end too.......? Don't u think we shud keep them happy too by fulfilling their wishes and demands, atleast once in a while......?

I wud just end up saying that it all depends on the people . What they think, what they value the most.....Their perception towards life, their assumption towards love, their emotional values, their priorities, and finally their meaning for love..........
I sincerely apologise if it hurts anyone.....I'm really sorry for that.....I just wanted to pen my thoughts. That's it...No offense.
Thank You..
Regards.

varalotti · Sep 19, 2005

A Very Concerned Reply, Lakshmi

Dear Lakshmi,
Yours was a very concerned reply. You have thrown some new light on the problem. I completely forgot Ram's (future) wife's point of view. Yes, given the Indian ladies' psyche, Ram's action would not be viewed with favour.
I am surprised that you have completely taken the side of the girls' parents. In nine of ten cases the parents are right and many disasters could have been averted had girls (and boys too) listened to their parents. But there are cases where parents err and I know many children whose lives have been spoilt by parents. In this case we do not know anything about Lakshmi's parents. When a 19year old girl is forced to take such an extreme decision, my guess is that the problem from her parents' side should have been pretty serious.
Now you have added a few more dimensions to the problem. Let's see what others tell.
regards,
sridhar
PS: You need not be so apolgetic while expressing your views. You have a right to your views.

prathi · Sep 19, 2005

Marriage of Conveniences

The marriage between ram and lakshmi reminds me of the marriages many expatriates get into, to legalise immigrations. Lakshmi was clever enough to think of such an idea. Rishi's parents agreement to such an idea reinforces on the fact that rishi and lakshmi were committed to each other. The only thing lakshmi and ram have to do is to strive to keep their marriage just on the paper, without getting attracted to each other, which is very much possible. Then all would be well that ends well for rishi and lakshmi. It may be a little risky, i agree, but whent they have taken such a step, they have to work hard to maintain it. As far as lakhsmi's parents are concerned, it will surely hurt them.

Its upto rishi and lakhsmi to have faith in each other and pass this test of life with flying colors.

The concept of remarriages of women is not very acceptable in india, but we are also a part of India, and i think being the educated lot we are, its high time we get to accept such situations. When we have always accepted a man's remarriage, y cant we accept a woman's? I am not trying to get feminst here, mind you.

I dont see any flaw in this arrangement, if all parties involved have consent and they succeed in playing their roles.