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Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Sweety2016, Jul 20, 2022.

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  1. Jul 20, 2022 #11
    Viswamitra

    Viswamitra Finest Post Winner

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    @Sweety2016,

    Congratulations on your second baby. Of all the things you said, what bothered me the most is about your inability to talk and pamper the child you are carrying. Normally, how happy and healthy you feel during pregnancy has a direct impact on the baby's well being. You definitely need to find time to pamper and shower your love to your child before birth.

    Not everyone is blessed to have mother next to them when they are pregnant. But you are already doing well by managing work, pregnancy, looking after your husband and your daughter. I am glad your MIL looks after your husband and daughter well which reduces your burden a lot. Don't sweat on it as it is one less problem for you to have. I really like the suggestion from @yellowmango that you should ask your husband to ask from his mother for a snack around the time you arrive from work. But I think it would be better to find something made at home as opposed to buying from outside.

    I understand your feeling for missing your mother but you have to work with what you have. Most important thing is to feel happy and love the child yet to be born. You should not feel shy to ask what you need in your own house. If you find it hard to ask your MIL, you can mention it to your husband. You can also ask your cook to make a snack the previous night that can be stored in the fridge and reheated for the next day snack. Ask her to make more so that it is also done for others in the family as well.

    I believe you miss your mother which is the underlying reason for your vent. Talk to her more and feel the warmth from her as much as you like that will bring your mind to rest. I hope you feel better soon and I wish you very best.
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2022
    Viswamitra, Jul 20, 2022
    Viswamitra, Jul 20, 2022
    #11
    Thyagarajan, Sweety2016, MalStrom and 1 other person like this.
  2. Jul 20, 2022 #12
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations on your pregnancy, Sweety2016. Kid1, Kid2 on the way, house, job, IIT topper after Kid1, and kid1 having excellent care before and after school. These are no mean achievements. They take a lot of hard work, management and good fortune.
    That exhibition of lifelong gratitude and care will start if she does some special acts of kindness at regular intervals? Shouldn't that gratitude already be in progress given how she takes care of your daughter. And maids don't magically complete the housework. Managing the maids is a job in itself.
    Lonely, insecure? Hardly. She seems to have her life sorted out, knows what she can contribute to the household, is doing that cheerfully, and is taking care of her happiness by doing things like serving food and water unasked for to her son.

    Did you thank her profusely with or without your husband's insistence? Maybe take a picture of her, you and the payasam and share in WA with friends and family?
    Have you ever done little things to show your gratitude for all she does? Have you expressed that gratitude such that people outside your household know? Do you often take the effort to commend her for bringing up her children like she has done? Any quiet moments when 1-1 you tell her that with all the luxuries and conveniences you are so tired and ask how she managed? It goes both ways. If you want her to ask you are you ok, do you want something, then you need to show affection or gratitude beyond taking her to the doctor. She is taking care of your daughter and you are getting updates about the kid's activities from her. That peace of mind itself is priceless.

    One color in your life's rainbow is a bit dull -- you don't get pampered the way your husband gets pampered. Why blame this on her? You and your husband are educated enough to figure out fixes for this. Get another cook for a few days who can come at 4pm and make something for you. Your husband is working from home and saving on commute time. He can google "making food for my pregnant wife" and cook. It is not rocket science. If his mother stops him, he can figure out how to deal with her. Or, he can find someone nearby who will make "homemade" food and pick it up few times a week. And you find a counselor or therapist to deal with the pregnancy and other blues.

    When a woman is going through a tough pregnancy or any pregnancy, it is the baby's father's job to take care of her emotional and physical needs.
     
    Rihana, Jul 20, 2022
    Rihana, Jul 20, 2022
    #12
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  3. Jul 20, 2022 #13
    MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Sweety, I hope you have recovered from the HG. That’s a pretty awful thing to have to go through.
    When I read your post my immediate impulse to point the finger to was your DH.
    Your MIL is taking care of your child. Her own child is meanwhile sitting comfortably at home being waited on hand and foot, while his wife has to commute while being heavily pregnant with HIS child. Did I just scream out loud?
    Time for him to step up and make your daily homecoming peaceful. It doesn’t take much. Tell him what you need and ask him to do it.
     
    MalStrom, Jul 20, 2022
    MalStrom, Jul 20, 2022
    #13
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  4. Jul 21, 2022 #14
    DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    May be your pregnacy hormones are making you very sensitive. MIL is doing her part. Blaming her wont help you. She is ready to do what you want. Its your h' s job to support you.
    No one can read your mind, you need to communicate. That make it easier.

    You can call or text your dh about what you want when you reach home. He can make it or ask MIL to do it. Another way, prepare some healthy snacks for you ( boiled egg or similar). If you dont have any issue eating break fast items , have some batter there, and ask dh or MIL to make one dosa and tea or juice for example while you take a bath after reaching home. So prepare a list of things you like to have. If you dont know what it is, how can they help. Communication is the key here.
    Ask for help. If you are tired, tell them you are tired. I am sure you need emotional support, convey it your dh. Be grateful when they support you and your kid.
    Congrats on your pregnacy and wishing you happy delivery.
     
    DDream, Jul 21, 2022
    DDream, Jul 21, 2022
    #14
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  5. Jul 21, 2022 #15
    shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Talk to your spouse regarding this.
    And yes hormones are to be blamed
     
    shravs3, Jul 21, 2022
    shravs3, Jul 21, 2022
    #15
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  6. Jul 21, 2022 #16
    Sweety2016

    Sweety2016 Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you very much @yellowmango for defining over sensitiveness in a very succinct way. I 100% agree I am hyper-emotional and hyper-sensitive. I will definitely try to implement your suggestions. I would be the happiest person if I could get forget the past and move on.

    Thank you @hrastro for this new perspective. Yes, she had seen me during my worst phases of vomiting, and maybe that's why she doesn't want to be impulsive but rather feels that it's my choice to decide what I would like to have. Fair enough!

    Thank you @AliceMargaret @lavani @shravs3 for your posts.

    Thank you @MalStrom @DDream and @Laks09. You have asked about my H's contribution. I feel he is doing 'HIS' best and is genuine in helping me out after seeing all the ordeals I underwent in the last few months. He drops me and picks me up from work daily, prepares fruit juices in the morning as i cant have milk,and helps my daughter with her studies in addition to his very demanding job. He stays on call most of the times with his clients and sometimes hit the bed past 1.00 AM only to wake up at 6.00 AM the next day. He himself is overworked. My exasperation and dependency has increased many folds this time primarily because of some strange aversions towards the smell of food. As somebody suggested I can boil an egg or make a chickpea salad myself. But, I don't know why I just can't get into the kitchen. The smell of boiling milk, dal, cooked rice, eggs everything makes me sick! My H at the maximum can make an omelette or Maggi which he does when I ask him.

    Thank you so much @Rihana for your sweet message. I had a smile on my lips when I went through your post especially when I saw the 'IIT topper' phrase. Oh, that ordeal needs a separate thread altogether:):) I was on the verge on dropping my phD last month; Inspite of being a researcher for 10 long years and publishing papers, my paper on my Ph.D. work was rejected by a journal, my experiments are not yielding desired results, and I work in a chemical lab not so safe for pregnant women with all sort of chemicals and materials trying to get some data before I go on maternity leave. All my batchmates who joined with me are well ahead of me. So, fingers crossed. So longer a 'topper' I would say. And regarding showing my gratitude or care, you are right, I am no saint here. I have never had the intention to go sit with her and have a heart-to-heart conversation. Maybe I should muster some courage to do it.

    Thank you @Viswamitra ji for your FB. You rightly said the basic fundamental fact, 'I miss my parents and had been missing them for the past few years ever since I moved to my current location for my job. So, I am planning to go to my home for delivery and stay with them throughout my maternity period.

    Once again, I thank each one of you for sharing your insights and extending your empathy. I appreciate your time and words. I will reread all of the comments till it gets registered in my mind.
     
    Sweety2016, Jul 21, 2022
    Sweety2016, Jul 21, 2022
    #16
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  7. Jul 21, 2022 #17
    Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi sweety ,

    I did not read much comments . maybe someone already suggested ,not sure.
    Delegate the evening snack work to your husband . When "Raja beta" does some work in the kitchen automatically MIL will pitch in and prepare something for you.
    NOO. I am struggling with similar arrangement like this.
    :smilingimp: I regret it all the time .

    Anyways enjoy your pregnancy and congratulations to you:cheer:
     
    Anusha2917, Jul 21, 2022
    Anusha2917, Jul 21, 2022
    #17
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  8. Jul 21, 2022 #18
    Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear OP
    Congrats.
    My best wishes.
     
    Thyagarajan, Jul 21, 2022
    Thyagarajan, Jul 21, 2022
    #18
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  9. Jul 21, 2022 #19
    Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    You always like simplicity and enjoy simple things. So no wonder my simple feedback here had appealed to you much & so you clicked a like for me. Thanks a lot as I look forward to ten thousandth like before August.
    I also presume that you liked my click for all the feedbacks in this thread but not commented except the greetings.
     
    Thyagarajan, Jul 21, 2022
    Thyagarajan, Jul 21, 2022
    #19
  10. Jul 21, 2022 #20
    lavani

    lavani Platinum IL'ite

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    i did not read all. but no no

    no maggi. no fruit juices. this time hormones do their magic dance. you might end in gestational diabetes.

    watch out sugar even fruit sugar. that can curb the pain of contractions later and adds weights to the baby.
     
    lavani, Jul 21, 2022
    lavani, Jul 21, 2022
    #20
    Thyagarajan likes this.
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