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A Tricky Situation About Wedding

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by thegirlygirl, May 2, 2021.

  1. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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  2. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    what if parents catch covid during travel from India to Africa ? If I read the news correctly India was supplying vaccines for Africa and since India is undergoing covid issues there are worries that vaccination drive might slow down there . Are the Indian parents vaccinated ? Are girl’s parents vaccinated? What if one of boy’s parents catch covid and die after marriage? Due even know what is happening in India now ?

    why not just send the girl and allow her to register marriage in their own place with boy ? Both parents can stay Safe .
     
  3. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    What if the girl dies due to covid? Will that be ok?
    Hold on.....you were actually worried about one party wanting to 'enjoy' leaving the other party out.

    Now your concern is death.

    So what's your actual suggestion here?

    Please note that the boy's family is continuously pushing the girl's family to travel to india. They keep reassuring them that by the time they reach India all will be well and since all have taken the vaccine it should go well.
    The boy's mother keeps messeging the girl and asks her when they all will be coming to india.
    They also dont very readily want the girl and the guy to have a registered wedding on their own, they are very well interested in coming as 'baratis' and having the girl's side welcome them like some godmen from heaven
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2021
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    The wedding in India (IW) cannot be compared to a wedding in Africa (AW).

    For the planned IW, the girl's family would pay for about 3 air tickets from Africa to India. After that, they would land in "their" city in India. They get to have a "home" base for the wedding. The girl's side would use the India trip for other things also such as meeting people, property repairs and management, bank accounts and lockers management. It would be easy for the girl's parents relatives and long time friends to attend the wedding. The boy's side and their 50 guests would travel to the girl's city by train or plane. The boy's family were also willing to pay for their own accommodation until the girl's side for some reason (?) offered to foot that bill. The girl's side was going to bear the cost of the wedding. The guy would only pay for his India ticket.

    For the proposed AW, the boy's side have to buy many more air tickets to Africa. In this pandemic time, most likely none of their relatives or friends would be willing to travel even with expenses paid. They would stay in a hotel or guest-house in a foreign country and attend their son's wedding out of suitcases. The girl's side would have their current close friends and "dummy" guests in the wedding.
    For the above reasons and other obvious reasons, the two wedding venues cannot be compared. There is no "just like" about the two wedding plans.

    The boy's side is not behaving like typical boy's side. Example:
    >> The boy's family said they are willing to pay for their accomodation but when the girl's family offered to pay, they very willingly agreed.

    The girl's side should sort out their priorities, make them plain and then be willing to compromise a little. Instead of: the girl reluctantly says "yes", the girl's parents feel their opinions were "skipped", the girl's side offer to pay for 50 guests accommodation and then complain that boy's side accepted the offer.
    If the girl's father is willing to pay for the Africa air tickets for the boy's family and all his relatives whoever is willing, then it is a fair offer.

    Other things also become factors though not discussed here. Is the girl financially independent? Does she have work experience? Plans to work after marriage? Will the guy be financially responsible for her after wedding? Till when? Their earning potentials.
     
    vrikshakadali and Hopikrishnan like this.
  5. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Edit
    Forgot to mention an important point. Though not sure if it makes a difference now

    If the wedding is to be held in their common country, then a cousin of the guy's and his wife would be driving down from a nearby city to attend the ceremony.
    Hence the girl is going to be all alone while the guy has someone from his side.
     
  6. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    I apologize I’m unable to keep up with the flow . Good luck on wedding
     
  7. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    Welcome to the Indian marriage. This is how marriages operate in India, be it arranged or love marriage.
    The boys family always has a upper hand.
    It will take ages to change.
     
    Vedhavalli and thegirlygirl like this.
  8. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    In this situation and pandemic, best would be to go for a marriage in their common country.
    The boys mom will not agree for sure.
    If the boy is ready to do this, then go for it.
     
  9. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hmmm... So there is a country in the world right now that has closed it’s consulate in Africa where the pandemic isn’t raging and has kept it open in india for people to go collect visas? Strange. All borders are closed for Indians i though.

    I would tell her not to make such a blunder. Would she want to start her married life living with PILs for an extended time when she doesn’t seem to really like the MIL’d behavior so far?

    So the guy suggested that her parents go. The girl is ok to get married in the guys place with his parents but not ok for her parents to go with her? Your subsequent post says she is also not ok to do this alone if only the guys cousins accompany them.

    The guys seems reasonable. Him traveling to Africa and celebrating a wedding when his entire family is on lockdown in India probably makes him uneasy. It may not be what she did in his shoes but right now he is in those shoes and this is his opinion. Instead he offered for her and her parents to travel to where he is. Seems like she doesn’t want to go this route. She also is ok with only his parents traveling but given the current situation in India, it’s not going to happen. I don’t think she has many other options other than putting this wedding off until things ease in India and then going to India for the wedding as originally planned.
     
  10. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    I'm living in India, and situation is too bad due to pandemic.
    I dont think things will improve by June. If girls parents end money making arrangements for an Inidna wedding in June they'll be at a loss..
    Its a big risk to travel to India even if vaccinated..for some more months..
    It's better if girl and boy get married in the coinyty where they have a permanent residency and register their wedding there..both sets of parents can attend..
    Later , maybe 6 months or a year later a grand reception can be arranged for relatives to attend and congratulate.
    Or as other suggested, the wedding plans can be postponed by 6 months so the girl and boy can know each other better and we can get a more clear picture about travel plans and Covid situation.
    FYI, in India, a few if my distant relatives got married recently and in past 1 year...they all had simple weddings , and involved only immediate family I.e parents and siblings.
     
    thegirlygirl and Roar like this.

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