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A Tricky Situation About Wedding

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by thegirlygirl, May 2, 2021.

  1. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    A little clarity on the situation.

    She is in her present country only with her parents, all her other relatives are in India too. Her brother and SIL in a country from where they cannot travel too.
    The wedding if it happens will have the bride, groom, her parents and some 'dummy' guests to fill the wedding hall as per the guest limit( sorry to use that term).

    Coming to your question, if the situation was such that it would be absolutely impossible for the girl's parents to travel due to these restrictions ( we never know when the pandemic is over, it is beyond our control) then with a heavy heart she would go ahead and have the wedding done with his folks around without hers.
    Also note that the girl's parent's role here is paramount in the wedding not the boy's parents, we cannot quote gender equality here because read my original post, the girl's parents were going to bear the total cost of the wedding and boy's side were only going to come as guests to their own son's wedding and also throwing in their demands like we want sangeet etc

    Also this wedding was planned according to the groom's leave schedule and the girl was anyway going to have to leave her dear brother out. We cannot be so choosy in this pandemic.

    Is it right of him to quote something like.....my brother and SIL will not get leave to travel? Why then was his mother so desperate to fix the alliance and engage the girl unnecessarily?
    Is it right in this pandemic to wait for a perfect moment when everyone has leave and everything is correct to wed?
     
  2. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks for the clarification.

    Marraige of a child is of tremendous importance to parents as is parents attending their marraige to kids.

    I can say your friend would be extremely accomodative (not sure if that would be a compliment) if she goes ahead and marry without her parents.

    On siblings, unfortunately I knkw few people who missed their sisters/brothers weddings due to greencard reasons and others. Although I wouldnt recommend, atleast parents must be there.

    Anyway, I think the girls side have got their priorities mixed up. It should be 100% parents and 50% wedding costs. Please ask them to wait for boys parents and strticly put cost sharing. If the boys parents wont agree; they are the type who wont meet anyone midway. The girls parents and the girl will wnd up going their way rest of their lives. Its not worth it.
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2021
  3. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you very much for your reply.
    I have heard this from others too and also the girl's brother is of the same opinion.
    The boy's family said they are willing to pay for their accomodation but when the girl's family offered to pay, they very willingly agreed.

    They are maharashtrians and traditionally have something called 'rukhwat' at the wedding. A table at the corner in the wedding hall where all decorative items, foodstuff like laddoss and some useful things like crockery set are displayed which are given away by the girl's side to the boy's side.

    During the wedding talks the boy's side told girl's side that they don't want any rukhwat rather they can give them some money which can be used by the couple to buy new things in the new country.
    They even said there is no need to give gold chain to the boy, but rather to give something for their new house.
    So they assumed they are going to be given gold chain.

    So basically girl's parents pay for the wedding and also buy all the things for them to use in their new house.

    The wedding decision has definitely been taken in a rush, the girl doesn't want to be all alone in a new country and agreed to marry the guy in just two meetings because all the other things seemed ok
     
  4. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Nothing is preventing the girls parents from going with her to the new country and getting a token wedding conducted.
    All these chain giving and expecting this and that is regular wedding noise! These are not deal breakers. If the bride to be really wanted her brother there, she would have not agreed to a June wedding. She would have insisted he be present just like the man is insisting that his brother attend.

    What seems like a deal breaker to me is the young lady herself having second thoughts. Having seen him only twice, not having been wined and dined, not having some pre wedding romance are all regrets on her end. She probably doesn’t want a completely arranged marriage. Maybe she needs to think about how important it is to get to know the guy in person rather than over the phone. If she is not completely sure of this man, then she should call it quits and let his family move forward in the bride hunt.
     
    pocahontas likes this.
  5. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    I didn't understand your words.

    You mean the girl should travel and both of them should marry without either their parents in their new country?

    Priorities mixed up meaning? What are the girl's parents going to say when the boy's side use words like.....
    we don't expect anything else......our 50 people will come for the wedding.......we don't expect anything else......just give something for their new house .........we don't expect anything else......just do this and that.
    Really wonder what that 'something' would be.

    Also note something very important here. The boy's parents may actually be able to fly to the girl's country as those travel restrictions will very likely relax in 2 weeks.
    It is just the boy who can't travel to India since he is in a country that is not going to open flights to India.

    When it was suggested that his parents travel to the girl's country and also his brother and SIL and they conduct the wedding there, he said his brother and SIL will not get leave and as for his parents they are old and he doesn't want them to travel in the pandemic.

    Then what about the girl's parents who agreed to travel in the pandemic? Are they immune to covid? What about the girl's brother who was anyway going to miss the wedding?

    It's almost like it is the need of the girl and her parents for this marriage to solemnize and the boy's side is doing some favour by agreeing to the marriage.
     
  6. Roar

    Roar Gold IL'ite

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    I just meant they should accomodate all 4 parents in the marraige wherever it is. Wait for things to settle.

    But you are saying the girl itsef is having second thoughts and boys side is being difficult. Then why wed at all?.. these are life changing decissions. We might not find a perfect match but surely she can find less intimidating one?
     
  7. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    What is preventing her parents to go to that country is the fact that visitor's visas are not being issued to anyone right now and they do not have visas. Since she is already living with them they cannot show that they need visas to meet their daughter who is a PR there.

    What is preventing the boy's parents from getting those visas and travelling? They can easily show they need to visit their son who is a PR there. For a fact the girl has agreed that if atleast the boy's parents are there then a hindu ceremony be conducted without her parents. The boy does not want his parents to travel in the pandemic to either his place or even the girl's because he does not want them catching the infection.

    Then what about the girl's parents who were willing to travel to India but are only stopped due to restrictions on flights.
    He even suggested like you that the girl's parents fly with her to him.

    As for 'releasing' the guy , she too is engaged to him and not looking for other men side by side
     
  8. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    Thank you all for your insight.

    A little alteration in the situation.

    After the online family meeting it was agreed that the wedding be conducted in june and it should be held in india and the girl should go there with her family and since this was going to be in the pandemic, there was a plan B to be mentally prepared for.

    Now how about a situation whereby flights between india and her country operate and only between the boy's country and india are halted which very likely is going to be.

    Then what if the girl's family puts forth the idea that they travel to Africa with as many people as they desire and the boy too travels to Africa and they conduct the wedding there? Again the boy's family will fully be hosted there by the girl's side.
    Is it still selfish of the girl and her family to ask this?
    Just like the wedding was going to be in India, now it will be in Africa. Is it still too much to ask for?
     
  9. mangaii

    mangaii Platinum IL'ite

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    yes it is selfish for the girl’s family to make such a demand . I feel girl’s family want to enjoy the wedding without guy’s side .
     
  10. thegirlygirl

    thegirlygirl Platinum IL'ite

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    I don't think you understand the situation
    Girl's family were flying to india and hosting the wedding there are their expense.

    Now, since flights are stopped between his country and India an the groom cant make it to india
    Is it too much to ask for if they want the boy's family and the boy and all his relatives( whoever is willing) to travel to their country and host the wedding in their country.

    That way both parties get to enjoy the wedding (at the girl's father's expense ofcourse)
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2021

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