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A treatment for my cold husband

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Tugga, Feb 21, 2010.

  1. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Hi friends,
    Hmmmm… I was in a very bad mood this morning and wanted to talk to someone to vent out my emotions. I called my hubby, and as usual he said he is very busy :bonk
    I am in a dilemma; I really don’t know how to change my man.
    My husband is always like this. He is not capable of multi tasking. Like, if he is very busy at the office, no matter what, he cannot call me or involve in any discussions. Unlike me, he is always busy…. I really don’t understand why he alone busy always, while everybody has their leisure time to spend with their loved ones at least after office hours.
    I am not a stupid… I too work for the same organization and in a higher position than my hubby (in diff country). But I really don’t understand what this busy means to him?:spin
    I wouldn’t say he is changed after marriage. He used to be the same before, but I was 100% ok with his lack of expression and communicational problems while dating/courtship time.
    If he doesn’t call me, I pick up the phone and call him. If he doesn’t respond my calls, I just leave him a message and wait until he comes back. I had very minimal expectations from him.
    But all of a sudden, I became an emotional idiot after marriage, and longing for his emotional supports all the time.:crazy
    I had a couple of good friends with whom I can share everything… My mom and sister were also very cool with me, but after marriage I have detached myself from all these external parties and became a total dependant of my husband.:bonk
    To add oil to my fire, I had to come to Sudan, where I stay alone and become so depressed when things aren’t moving favorably.
    I know if I give him a silent treatment for 2 days, he will come back and call me for the next couple of weeks. But again, I have to sing the same lonely song, as he will take me for granted.
    I am going back to India in a couple of days…. I really want to give him a nice treatment to make him understand my emotional needs.
    Please pen down your suggestions and experiences!
     
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  2. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    My DH was just like yours before. He would often be busy with office work and since I was not working , may be I used to have lot more time and I only would call him more. But after some time I slowly started reducing the number of calls I made to him and if I wanted to discuss something imp. I would call my mom.

    But now , he calls me up quite frequently in the day to see how I am doing. But now I am busy with baby and I dont talk much with him. In your case, the answer is in the poster itself. You are away from your loved ones and so right now your emotional needs are more. Once you go back and settle you will find that you will be back to your normal self.

    There could be one more reason which sometimes my DH would do. Incase he has to do some work for me but could not finish it, then also he would procastinate making the call.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2010
  3. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Tugga Dear

    Yes we girls keep expecting that husbands talk to us on phone for hours togehter just like the way during the courtship days...but after marriage men dont want to have those extended talks. I do remember when I was working in a diff. city when I asked my husband why cant he talk to me on phone every day atelast for few mins, he said he doesnt like to be on phone for such long time and he hates phone chatting!!! and guess what....he used to talk to me for hours togehter during our courtship days...Just that marriage changes some equations I guess :)

    This might sound like a silly , but why dont you give the same cold treatment for a while. Just dont call him and wait and see for how long he wouldnt call back??? if you keep calling him, he wouldnt feel that he is missing his wife isnt it?? he knows already that you are there round the corner and you would come around and call him every day / week..so just take a break and be busy with something else for few weeks and wait n see when does he call back...
     
  4. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Many thanks Kma, and Sri Vidya for your valuable responses.

    Yes... I understand that marriage changes some equations as per men's dictionary.
    What to do? We have no option, but to marry a man:bonk

    Sri Vidya,

    I tried giving this cold silent treatment a couple of times before. I pretended as if there is nothing wrong, and limitted my conversation only to Hi -How are you - Bye level for a couple of days. He coudn't even wait for 2 full days like that, so he used to come back with a long and lovely conversation.
    Last night was also the same.. I felt so bad after his cold treatment last morning, so I stopped talking to him, no mails afterwards but told him that I have a news to share with.
    He just waited until 7.30pm Sudanese time (my useual call time is between 4.30 - 5.30pm) and then called me back.

    I really hate this... I am married to this person to share all my emotions with him... I never told busy or something like that when he needed my emotional support for him, rather I always made my self available for him despite of my tight work schedules here.

    I know, if I give him a cold treatment, he will surely come back for a few days... But how long do I repeat this? Afterall, he is not there for me when I really need his support.

    I don't want to go back to my friends and parents for my emotional needs. If that's the case, then what is the point of our marriage?

    I really want to teach him a lesson, that he needs to understand the important of emotional supports in a marriage.

    He is nice otherwise, but I understand it takes time for a person to change.. It is all because of the negative upbringing, as I know none of his siblings call their parents nor inform anything about their daily activities. They don't love their parents, but fear if they don't do certain things their parents will curse them:bonk
     
  5. kavithavel

    kavithavel Senior IL'ite

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    Well,
    SriVidhya, if not for hours I know we women expect atleast one or two calls a day during they/ we are at work. But is that wrong or is that too much ?????????????
    Well I don't know , my DH is no different from Tugga's.
    Yes one difference is when we are in diffrent countries, working for diffrent employers..he does call me and talks to me for hours then...
    When when we are together total lack of interest/ responsibility towards family is what is I have seen.
    I at times call him an ATM (he behaves like just a money lending machine) goes to office, works comes home watches TV. talks to freinds over the Phone/ collegues for hours and goes off to bed...

    I too get sick of it at times, but then manage to tell myself , I am not the only one on earth like this, there are others as well.
    Other than this he is just simple a superb person.
    I love him so much for what he is...
    This flaw can be waived off...after all none of us are flawless...


    Love,
    Kavitha.
     

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